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Original poster

What does your dh think of strip clubs?

94 replies

Mapleissweet · 05/11/2013 09:42

What do your dh think of strip clubs? I am against them and would be very upset if my dh went to one. Dh says he would never go but I get the impression that if it wasn't a deal breaker he would go to them on occasion.
Dh says that he is the only one in his office who hasn't been or doesn't go. He works in a professional environment with men ranging from graduates up to married older men.
I don't know why but it rattles me that the implication I should be 'pleased' that he doesn't go. I said he must work in a sleazy office.
I just have very little respect for men who go to these places. Paying for women to gyrate their vaginas in their face, whilst their dw are at home caring for the children.
Don't know what I'm asking just that the whole thing annoys me and I'm not sure why given my dh doesn't go.

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 05/11/2013 12:04

Grennie thanks. So no actual fact based research (outside Leeds) but more to do with here say. I am in West Yorkshire and work out of our Leeds and Manchester offices. Please could you share the research source for Leeds? I am really interested in reading that.

Grennie · 05/11/2013 12:04

Yes there is actual fact based research, including in Leeds.

Thants · 05/11/2013 12:05

My DP is very against them and would not associate with men who went to strip clubs.

LittlePeaPod · 05/11/2013 12:12

Grennie please could you share it? I am really interested in reading it.

BelaLugosisShed · 05/11/2013 12:14

My DH has never and would never go to one, he worked in a male only engineering firm about 12 years ago and had a stand up row with his boss because he refused to take some clients to one, he doesn't know very many men who go to them either, he has nothing but contempt for the ones who do.
I work with mainly young men and I've heard them a few say that they wouldn't waste their money in them. I walked in on a conversation between 3 of them (all under 30) , one was asking about Hooters, they all thought they were strip clubs! They were quite surprised when I said that they were just restaurants with waitresses in tight t-shirts and shorts.

What really shocks me is the fact that a lot of sports events involve strippers and sex shows, football, rugby, horse racing, you name it.
Practically anything that mentions a "gentlemens evening" includes strippers.

LittlePeaPod · 05/11/2013 12:15

I am also keen to share it with the guys in our office (all in professional senior positions). As every single one if them goes or has gone to one or more of the clubs in Leeds and Manchester.

Squitten · 05/11/2013 12:15

My DH has only been to a strip club one time on a stag do. He said it was a very depressing place - miserable women, aggressive bouncers and they were hit up for money the whole time. He stayed for a drink and then left! Not interested in going to another one

FeisMom · 05/11/2013 12:18

Excellent post Dahlen.

Original poster
Mapleissweet · 05/11/2013 12:26

Wow quite some thoughts.
I totally hate the culture if stripping and porn.
I guess my dh making out his whole office goes rattled me. It's as if it's normal. I don't think it is.
He talks as if he would never go, but I suspect if he was single he would.

Am I insecure? I don't get why (seeing past the exploitation) why it winds me up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mapleissweet · 05/11/2013 12:30

He talks about the drinking culture, sex jokes and strip clubs at work. It just makes me feel so angry and suspicious that he would like that lifestyle too when in fact he has a dw and 4dc.
I work in a very professional job with lots if men and while there is banter, strip clubs etc is never mentioned.

OP posts:
ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 05/11/2013 12:35

Bela, round my way, if a " Ladies night" didn't include male strippers, there would be murder done !

Grennie · 05/11/2013 12:58

I have never been to a "Ladies Night" that included a stripper. Not even a hen party that did. I would walk out.

MummyBeerest · 05/11/2013 13:00

I honestly don't care one way or the other about strip clubs. I know full well about how seedy and corrupt they are; my family owned one for a period of time. They have no appeal to me at all.

My DH feels the same. However, he's been to them for stags etc. Mostly, he says they're overrated.

But they'll always be a thing.

curlew · 05/11/2013 13:01

Anyone who doesn't care one way or the other about strip clubs needs to do a bit more reading.

MummyBeerest · 05/11/2013 13:08

Um, to be clear, I know quite a bit. As I said, my family owned one. I know it's not a great scene, thanks.

But I can honestly say there's more important things to care about.

valiumredhead · 05/11/2013 13:09

Grennie-me too.

SparklyFucker · 05/11/2013 13:11

He says they're nasty, tacky, exploitative, and would never choose to go to one. When pushed on that last comment he said that if it was an 'important' work outing that happened to be a a strip club, and he felt under pressure to go, then he probably would, but would make himself absent at the bar a lot of the time. It's never actually come up but I don't think I'd care if he went to one from a 'looking at other women' point of view, but I'd care greatly that by spending money in these places he's tacitly encouraging the thin end of the porn industry wedge.

sharesinNivea · 05/11/2013 13:35

Strip club, pole dancing, topless bar, fine. I wouldn't have a problem with my boyfriend visiting these IF it was his bestest friend's stag do. I wouldn't like it, but I thinkId be ok with it.

But anywhere that hosts lapdancing is a strict no-no. Lapdancing is prostitution in my mind. I should be the only woman allowed to touch him physically in a sexually provocative way.

But like the poster above wrote, I'd hate the thought of him standing there lifeless, gawping in silence at the display, it makes my skin crawl.
So soul-less.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't attend a ladies Chippendale style night either and in fact would walk away from any event where I'm expected to gawp at even slightly naked men. I'd feel as if I'm being disrespectful to my boyfriend plus it feels icky.

Grennie · 05/11/2013 13:41

Sorry Pea, on the move, so can't search for it. There is this.

"Nineteen per cent of the men believed there were girls under the age of 18 in strip clubs or massage parlours that they had visited."

www.turnofftheredlight.ie/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Men-who-buy-sex.pdf

HairyGrotter · 05/11/2013 14:49

I've spoken with DP about this, he's not keen on them, has been to one when he was younger but he doesn't see the point in them. He knows it's a deal breaker for me, and he has a stag do coming up with the most misogynistic, cunt of a man, so we'll see how that pans out.

I trust him, and he respects me enough to laugh off the suggestion of heading in a place like that. I feel sorry for the woman marrying his mate though, makes me shudder.

ToriaPumpkin · 05/11/2013 16:36

We were talking about this the other day actually (sparked by a thread on AIBU)

As far as I know he's only been to one (and we've been together since we were 17 so he'd be doing well to have not let on in the last 11 years) on a stag night. He said it did nothing for him and was tacky and cringe-worthy, though he grudgingly admitted that the pole dancers were very strong and athletic.

In the interests of fairness and disclosure, I've seen a couple of male strippers (I worked for Ann Summers and the catalogue launches had them as standard) and found it awkward and skin-crawly and once left a room when one tried to get me to dance with him.

MatryoshkaDoll · 05/11/2013 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FatherJake · 06/11/2013 02:27

Three different issues here, all equally important.

  1. The kind of strip clubs that stag dos go to in the UK ie big city centre strip clubs or pound-in-a-pint-glass type places do not allow touching. Simple. Have never, ever heard of any friends or acquaintances in the UK having anything more than a lap dance and that lap dance does not go further. I have seen people being thrown out of strip clubs for so much as tapping a stripper on the shoulder let alone anything else.
  1. As a related matter, the idea that the strippers in said clubs are trafficked is utterly preposterous. These clubs have to walk a very strict regulatory tight rope so the idea that they would traffic strippers to work when said strippers do not provide extra services is ridiculous. Trafficking in the UK is clearly a serious problem but mainstream strip clubs are not part of this issue.
  1. Personally I'm not a big fan of strip clubs though have been for a few stag dos and I think you would find it remarkable how 'unsexy' the whole thing is. The general protocol is to stand and have a few drinks at the bar and shift around slightly uncomfortable if a girl comes up to see if you want a dance. No-one is under any illusion they will do any more than - possibly - see a naked girl.
MistressDeeCee · 06/11/2013 02:38

My DP isnt into strip clubs. It wouldnt be a dealbreaker for me if he went along to one with his mates/part of a works do tho. Im not fussed about things like that. Besides Ive been to see Chippendales + couple of other ropey male strippers back in the day, it was a good laugh. So Im hardly one to moralise.

curlew · 06/11/2013 07:53

Fatherjake- if your point 3 is the case why does anyone ever go?