Am I being abused?
Verbal Abuse A wonderfully non-hysterical summary. If you're unsure, read the whole page and see if you're on it.
Emotional abuse from the same site as above
Emotional abuse a more heartfelt description
A check list Use this site for some concise diagnostic lists and support
Signs of Abuse & Control Useful check list
Why financial abuse is domestic violence Are you a free ride for a cocklodger, or supposed to act grateful for every penny you get for running the home?
Women's Aid: "What is Domestic Violence?" This is also, broadly, the Police definition.
Warning signs you’re dating a loser Exactly what it says on the tin
Books :
"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft - The eye-opener. Read this if you read nothing else.
"The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans He wants power OVER you and gets angry when you prove not to be the dream woman who lives only in his head.
"The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?" by Patricia Evans Answer: Perhaps - ONLY IF he recognises HIS issues, and if you can be arsed to work through it. She gives explicit guidelines.
"Men who hate women and the women who love them" by Susan Forward. The author is a psychotherapist who realised her own marriage was abusive, so she's invested in helping you understand yourself just as much as helping you understand your abusive partner.
"The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing" by Beverley Engels The principle is sound, if your partner isn't basically an arse, or disordered.
"Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie If you’re a rescuer, you're a co-dependent. It's a form of addiction! This book will help you.
But whatever you do, don't blame yourself for being co-dependent!
Websites :
So, you're in love with a narcissist - Snarky, witty, angry, but also highly intelligent: very good for catharsis
Dr Irene's verbal abuse site - motherly advice to readers' write-ins from a caring psychotherapist; can be a pain to navigate but very validating stuff
Out of the fog - and now for the science bit! Clinical, dispassionate, and very informative website on the various forms of personality disorders and how they impact on family and intimate relationships.
Get your angries out - You may not realise it yet, but you ARE angry. Find out in what unhealthy ways your anger is expressing itself. It has probably led you to staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Melanie Tonia Evans is a woman who turned her recovery from abuse into a business. A little bit "woo" and product placement-tastic, but does contain a lot of useful articles.
Love fraud - another site by one woman burned by an abusive marriage
You are not crazy - one woman's experience. She actually has recordings of her and her abusive partner having an argument, so you can hear what verbal abuse sounds like. A pain to navigate, but well worth it.
Baggage reclaim - Part advice column, part blog on the many forms of shitty relationships.
Heart to heart - a wealth of information and personal experiences drawn together in one place
What couples therapy does for abusers
If you find that he really wants to change
Should I Stay or Should I Go bonus materials This is a site containing material for men who want to change - please don’t give him the link - print out the content for him to work through.
The Bill of Rights
What you should expect as a starting point for your treatment in a relationship, as you will of course be treating others!!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Support for those in Emotionally Abusive relationships: thread 27
CharlotteCollinsinherownplace · 04/11/2013 21:57
that's i think your plan of making him think it is for his benefit is a good idea- although also doing it by note so you don't have to see his reaction.
Don't beat yourself up for finding it hard to act. you have been with someone for years who makes every tiny decision you make into a potential landmine.
But you can do this. You will do this. And your life will be much better for it 
think of all those shows with friends, nights in with dcat, visits to dc without him running the show.
but yy as silvery says his temper is his problem. and if it looks like spilling over into violence, then call the police (although i appreacite that can be difficult in a confined situation- hence your plan of leaving a note being a good one.
jackie try not too woryy too much. just say to FW pretty much what you said here. I should not ahve slept with you. I see clearly it was a mistake and sleeping with you has just confirmed for me that it is truly over.
Goodbye.
if he asks you nay quesitons about your life, new man or anything else, it is none of his business he does not own you, he does not control you, you are not in an rs with him, you owe him nothing.
new man- was probably just trying to adjust to a more normal level of communication. texts every day and calls every evening are all very well in teh first flush of things but too much communicating can make it all too routine. there is nothing special about when he does call.
Thank you silvery i think it will. must compose a list of films with strong female protagonists.
colinbutterfly thank you for this post. I need to remember this too. it is crazy how the mind plays tricks on you.
yesterday I felt like I was wandering down the road of 'am I doing the right thing' but the FW is a mega FW this morning by telling my son he is wet and though I didn't lay into him I did say he was sort of insulting himself as he helped to make his son. FW is also the reason DS can by whingey. At no point is DS like it with me. DS was whingey, FW went to the shop to get milk and whilst FW was out, DS stopped crying then started straight away when he got up. I think FW likes the attention in whatever form it comes. The fact that he says DS is moaning shows how little insight FW has into his own behaviour.
Man I can't wait to be dancing around my kitchen at breakfast with my happy and calm children. 
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