He's pissed on the floor

[wishiwasasleep]

I've told him and he's just grunted at me. I'm so tired. I am so angry with him i cant sleep. I don't want to be in bed next to him and i've got no where else to sleep thats comfy. I'm 7 months pregnant with his child and right now i hate him.

Sitting here crying is giving me a headache and making my tummy hurt :( :( He's up there asleep in a comfy bed and i'm down here feeling so alone.

Talking to such a person though is a wasted effort because he will just excuse himself and blame others for his actions. He will likely also accuse you of nagging him.

In his 20s he was on a bottle of vodka a day. What does that tell you about him?. And you still got together with him to boot. It tells me he has got a long standing problem with alcohol that well predates you.

You can certainly tell him that he has crossed a line but where are the consequences for his actions?. Words mean nothing to such characters.

You also state that you do not want a slanging match but they already are aware that he urinated all over the bathroom floor. They know and see more than you perhaps care or even want to realise.

OP show him your last post - it says it all.

Totally honestly - he 'drinks too much' on one evening roughly every 6/7 weeks. As i said.

He knows his relationship with alcohol is not normal. He used to be drunk every single day. (pre 'us') Since i've been pregnant he has done all the driving to any events we go to and has happily stayed T'total. He intends to not drink at all once i get to 36 weeks, over xmas, and for the first months of babys life. He is willingly coming along to all the NCT classes even though he has to hold his eyelids up with matchsticks to stay awake through them. He Tries to listen to the baby's heartbeat almost every night.

I know i sound as if i'm trying to big him up, but i feel it's important to give the whole picture of the man.

Xposted all over the place.

The kids didnt see the wee on the floor. I know i have to do/say something different this time.

:(

tears again

It's so difficult for you but tbh the drinking is a big problem and not a small negative in a list of positives.
Does he have any awareness at all that his drinking upsets you so much?
Is he aware that you are ashamed of him? Because the stuff you posted about your dc - that they shouldn't have to put up with it - is really just about shame isn't it?

If he is a good man, and I'm sure he is, then I think your priority should be to tell him really clearly how he behaves and how you feel about that - that his need to sit at home and get shitfaced is going to wear away at your respect and your love.
And does he wnt his child growing up crawling through his puddles of piss on a Saturday morning. Because drinking problems don't just get better.

Stop hiding his behaviour. I don't mean shaming him but talk about it.

Disagree with previous poster. Name and shame. This is disgusting. Tell his friends and family that you're living with a tramp. And ask yourself why!?

Cross posted. Have just seen your response to what you get out of this relationship.

Basically what you've written down is what should be expected as a given in a decent human being when in a relationship.

I do not think he puts you first though; I think he puts alcohol ahead of everything and everyone else.

Sorry but he needs to stop drinking , full stop. He knows it is a problem and believes he could control it if and when he chooses. But where do you and dc figure in all this, you have no choice

He is either drinking very strong cans - are they pint size cans? or I would be inclined to wonder if he is hiding some extra somewhere. A regular drinker would normally have some tolerance.... anyway, beside the point, the amount he drinks causes him to behave in an unacceptable manner.
Please tackle him, you will suffer in the long term if you don't. I know, I have been there.
At least he is drinking at home, so it might be easier to put an agreement in place. Does he drink lager,beer or cider? At the very least, he needs to agree to average strength alcohol,and no more than 4 cans in the house at one time until he can behave like an adult and control himself. If you want him to stay, that is? He might need to hit rock bottom before he will change though, which will mean you kicking him out. The trouble is, if you wait to get to that point, you may not want him back then - changed or not.

"He intends to not drink at all once i get to 36 weeks, over xmas, and for the first months of babys life"

He will fail miserably and at the first hurdle. He will find and use any excuse to drink. Him not drinking at Christmas?!. He does not really want to give up alcohol completely and has made a bargain with himself.

And after that period of time has passed?.

Honestly wishiwasasleep you deserve better and so do your children.

Putting agreements in place does not work, you cannot and must not control his drink. Besides which you cannot control it.

If he is indeed an alcoholic he should not be drinking at all, let alone drinking less strong cans of alcohol.

If he is alcoholic, that is different. The op said he drinks once a week, and aggressive drinking is 6-7 weeks apart. She can tell him what she is willing to accept, what her boundaries are.

Sounds like his teetotal arrangement should become permanent. Drinking nothing for weeks on end and then bingeing is pretty stupid, whether someone has a history of alcohol abuse or not. Total abstinence sounds like the only acceptable solution from here. If he can't sign up to that, he's deluded.

Since i've been pregnant he has done all the driving to any events we go to and has happily stayed T'total. He intends to not drink at all once i get to 36 weeks, over xmas, and for the first months of babys life.

What a load of old tut.

People with a normal relationship with alcohol - presumably like yourself, OP - don't need to go for 'prolonged' periods of abstinence from alcohol, because alcohol is Not A Big Deal In Their Lives, and they don't have some pathetic point to prove.

The only people who have to have prolonged absences from alcohol, 'to show they can do it' are people who have massive issues with alcohol.

Everyone else just enjoys it, as and when. And does not piss on the floor.

Seriously. It's not piss on the floor OR teetotal. Most people mange a happy medium. The fact that he cannot, says it all.

I am angry on your behalf, because I can already see you're going to roll over and accept this, when you don't have to.

Although obviously, yes, an alcoholic should remain teetotal. The point is, he is one. A alcoholic, that is.

Reading with interest as ex h was a drunk and was in very similar situation when pg. Left him due to abuse.
But, I can't answer I'm really surprised at those thinking four to eight cans at home is normal and he's a 'lightweight' for it. I don't think it's normal, I would want two cans maximum.

Yuk.

He must have splashed his feet/legs when he pissed on the floor. Then got back into bed. Nice.....

I would clean the piss up to be honest. It will soak into the lino and the smell will be rank.

I would pick a time today when no kids around and have a talk.

HE needs to clean up his mess, not the OP. She would be a fool to do that.

Well the amount of alcohol consumed is irrelevant, really. It's the effect of the alcohol on that particular person.

If I can't drink a glass of wine without pissing on the floor, or abusing my pregnant partner, then one glass of wine is too much.

Exactly Sanity.

And do not clean up his piss, even if it does soak in. Do not clean it up.

Unbelievable. I have no idea why women put up with this. You sound like you are resigned to this OP, you get angry [depriving yourself of much needed sleep and rest, adrenaline pumping]....then get calmer by the hour.

Whether or not he works hard, is affectionate, has a b'day tomorrow, drinks every 6 weeks and is going to stop it for certain periods [as if he will!].....he behaves like a pig in drink. He can't handle it. He shouldn't do it.

You should insist he gives it up, for good. Or this will continue, he won't understand the impact he is having on your mental well being or the life of his baby to come. You both need to come out of denial.

Disgusting behaviour and yes, make the dirty bugger clean it up himself.

Good luck Wish.

When you stay with someone who doesn't change, it's a big responsibility to take on. The responsibility to keep the peace so that he won't turn to the bottle because of you. The responsibility to pretend everything is ok to your kids, because you don't want them to be exposed to your unhappiness. The responsibility to pretend everything is ok to your friends, his friends, the rest of your family, your workmates. Oddly enough, you end up taking on the burden of being responsible for everyone's happiness, when he is the one fucking it up. You don't want to 'rock the boat'. You can't leave because it will destroy him, hurt your family, embarrass you. Whatever.

When you are with some who displays patterns like this, you become very good at seeing the warning signs and you'll predict with astonishing accuracy the next 'blow up' or 'bender' in his case. At least you can prepare, right?

Soon you won't want to leave because he will have bonded with his child. I hope by that stage that he has sorted himself out. I mean that sincerely.

How are you now op?

Id be terribly tempted to tell the kids (and make sure they "take the piss" so to speak) Good lesson in life to teach them about the evils of drink n all!