He's pissed on the floor

[wishiwasasleep]

I've told him and he's just grunted at me. I'm so tired. I am so angry with him i cant sleep. I don't want to be in bed next to him and i've got no where else to sleep thats comfy. I'm 7 months pregnant with his child and right now i hate him.

Sitting here crying is giving me a headache and making my tummy hurt :( :( He's up there asleep in a comfy bed and i'm down here feeling so alone.

I should have said i've NC. Been on MN 3 years. Great at dishing out advice to others ...

You haven't done anything. He has. Nothing is your fault.

I was the stepchild, too. I despised him. I knew what was going on. I pretended not to.

You are not stuck in this situation. Keep your anger. Use it.

bragmatic Jeez, simmer. I was just pointing out that my OH doesn't get obliterated on a frequent basis- I just hate it when he does drink, even one or two cans winds me up as I have given up a lot since being pregnant and want him support me.

So for me it's not the amount that he drinks. Don't tell me how I feel please. As for the Labrador comment, where on earth do you get that from?

I'm sorry to hear what you went through brag.

This is why i feel at fault. If it was just me i wouldn't feel guilty. But my kids don't need any exposure to this rubbish.

Mind you he's never been horrible to them. They see him as jolly and a bit tipsy once a week. (i saw my dad drunk many a time. never crossed my mind my mum might have been suffering) If he gets nasty it's always in the early hours of the morning, with me, after he's drunk more than usual, been asleep and then woken up again. Like Me.Myself and Irene. He's like another person. He wont remember anything in the morning. It can be scary at those times. Tonight he was not abusive. But peed on the floor instead.

I should try to go back to bed. I don't want to be near him, but i should try to sleep.

Longdistance I didn't want pish on my lovely carpet. He's a petit bloke so I thought I'd manage, I'll admit I bit off more than I could chew. I took great pride in telling our mutual friends in front of him what he got up to the next day. Oddly enough, they took his side and told me to 'stop being so cruel and embarrassing him.' Well, I for one am a great fan of shaming, it's really effective and has made me change my ways in the past.

He's an alcoholic. You can't change an alcoholic, they will only change if they decide to, and even then it is hard.

All you can change is your own behaviour. I would consider leaving him, and I don't say that lightly.

Oh, wish, this just starts to sound worse and worse. :(

He can't handle large amounts of drink (being abusive and pissing on the floor is def not handling his 8 beers), and it sounds like he can't stop at just a few either? I think my position would be that he therefore has an alcohol problem and shouldn't be drinking at all - esp in preparation for life with a newborn.

Really good advice from brag.

tracy - your situation sounds v different to the OP's tbh.

OP, I hope you got some sleep in the end. Or that you can catch up in the day. Reclaim the bed when you get him up to clean the bathroom?

Oh, as an aside, I'm not convinced that shaming is a particularly appealing method of coercing someone into behaving well - I sincerely hope I never have to try that one.

I would be tempted to buy some tena pants and tell him that if he has more than 4 cans he must wear them. Put them in bathroom with big sticker on them with his name on it. Perhaps that will make him realise how inappropriate and gross his behaviour is.

I'm sorry this is happening. I hope you are getting some sleep.

I'm very concerned about the fact that he gets sweary and nasty towards you. And you say that he wasn't abusive this time, as if merely pissing on the floor is something to be grateful for.

Every 6 weeks is a habit. It's not a one-off mistake that he has learned from. He is choosing to put himself in a state where he is nasty towards you and incontinent. If he values your relationship he will choose not to do that again. If drinking is more important, it sounds like he has a drink problem.

Wish, they probably know. If they dont, they will. And he is being horrible to them, because he is being horrible to you. You deserve better.

My stepfather was known to everyone else as a loveable larrikin as well.

Everyone else didn't have to live with him.

I don't buy the "he can't help it/can't remember" it line, either. Is he like this with his mates when he's pissed with them? Thought not.

Has he had other relationships? Been married before?

Ah, shaming? That'll be why you were boasting about being able to drink so much more than the OP's husband, spectacularly missing the point in my opinion.

OP I would not put up with this. If he wanted to drink at all it'd be somewhere else. I couldn't tolerate the risk to the baby.

wishiwasasleep,

re this part of your comment:-

"I saw my dad drunk many a time. never crossed my mind my mum might have been suffering)"

Well she was and you are now as well as your children who see and hear far more than you perhaps want to realise. Sorry but history is repeating itself here; he is alcoholic and you grew up with seeing this too. You therefore learnt this and subconsciously chose someone the same. This man's primary relationship is with drink and his thoughts revolve around same. This man should not be drinking at all but its not down to you to police his behaviour.

Do not clear up his mess. That is enabling behaviour.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

The 3cs re alcoholism are the following:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this

Stuff his birthday as well.

Talking to him will be a wasted effort on your part; the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to now ask him to leave. These types of situations do not get better and you will soon have a baby to deal with as well.

I read these threads so often and I can't believe how many people are so accepting of their partners getting this drunk. I'd be gone.

What is wrong with these men that they think this is a normal and acceptable way to behave?!

I don't know any men that drink like this! I mean, yes, I know a few people who drink a little more than they should sometimes and very occasionally (usually once a year or so) get a bit pissed and make a fool of themselves, but men who regularly get so drunk in their own home that they are pissing themselves is just mind boggling!

I'm with FolkGirl on this. DH and I enjoy the craic, like a drink and a laugh and a good time. But neither of us have ever, ever gone to the loo anywhere except on the loo.

This sort of drunken, antisocial behaviour is unacceptable.

'He works hard all week'. So fucking what?! I work hard all week. My DH works hard all week. Everyone I know works hard all week.

None of us piss on the floor.

He gets drunk to the point of being irrational and abusive around every 6 weeks. That's just simply unacceptable. And you're about to have a newborn. Can you imagine trying to deal with this with a newborn? Lying awake all night fuming with anger, trying to make sure his ranting or stumbling doesn't wake the baby you've spent hours getting to sleep? Just picture it. It's the worst fucking experience in the world. And you think he will magically stop when the baby is born? Dream on. You need a line, you need to draw it now. And it might involve him moving out if he can't or won't commit to stopping drinking. And he has to acknowledge his problem, not to just placate you.

Mine did this last month - but it was the bedroom floor and the bed he pissed on. Totally non violent, loving man but he'd had too much on a night out.

I went balistic - i slept on the floor of DS' room and seethed all night. DS woke at 6 so i went in to wake DP. He wouldn't wake up so i threw cold water at him till he did.

He was VERY sort and hasn't been out for a drink since. I don't know what happens to them. I've been tipsy in some right old states but have never pissed anywhere i shouldn't.

Hope everything is ok this morning op

Thank you for your posts.

I went back to bed still angry but at least not tearful anymore.

I sort of got some sleep, if any bit of him touched me in bed i shoved him away :( Never been like this before. He was sound asleep.

He stirred at 6.30ish as it was getting light and i just said 'are you going to clear the bathroom up before any of the kids get up?' He asked if it was that bad? I said YES, you pissed on the bathroom floor and i trod in it - that bad. He got up 10 mins later and went in the bathroom. He came back muttering about how small and neat the puddle had been and am i sure it wasnt the cat?!! I said it was over 4 hours old now and will have dried up. And no, the cat cant shut the door behind it, no, the cat cant leave the bathroom heater on, and no - i heard him go into the bathroom last night, not flush, leave the heater running and get back in bed. Then 10 mins later i went in - loo untouched lid down and a huge puddle of piss on the floor. It's not rocket science.

Anyway - he muttered an apology, threw his arm over me and went back to sleep!

My morning sickness is still bad, so I got up opened the curtains and the windows and had a shower. Now i'm downstairs. Had a cupper. Eldest has gone to work. Younger 2 will be up in a min all ready to wish him happy b.day. sigh.

I wonder what he is going to say when he gets up?

I don't think either of you are going to say very much about this at all.

I mean, you've decided not to say anything and it's definitely in his best interests to not say anything. It'll get brushed under the carpet.

You should still be in bed, not this useless drunk you've shackled your wagon to.

What are YOU going to say to him when he finally rises from his pit?.

You did not also answer what you get out of this relationship so I take that to mean not a lot.

He will just give you the usual flannel i.e I'm so so sorry and you'll perhaps accept it again. He's already blamed the cat!!. Ha ha ha, not. Instead of this, you should be asking him to move out today; it is of no concern to you where he goes. You likely won't do that but its your only real option going forward.

I haven't decided not to say anything. I want to tell him that he's crossed a line. But i want to see what his first move is when he gets up. For the kids sake i don't a slanging match - they dont need to wake up to the sound of that. I want a proper talk. We cant do that until he's properly conscious.

I agree that there's no point in trying to talk to somebody when they're drunk.

Sorry attila - yes, what do i get out of the relationship ...

(all the following is going to be with the age old ''when he's not steaming drunk'' )

He is very loving and very very attentive to me.
I know he loves me
He is generous with his time and his money and his feelings and his touch etc.
I trust him to be faithful
We laugh together all the time
He works hard for the family money
He puts me first
He makes me feel secure

:( When he drinks too much though, i feel i'm with a stranger, and all the above go out the window.

So sorry OP you don't need that seething feeling when PG I've been there and it's horrible.

Is there anyway you could breezily say to the DC you're off out and to carry on without you for the birthday stuff, then take yourself off to a coffee shop buy a good book and just chill for a bit before sitting down to talk calmly. As an aside I bet you return to a guilty looking DH in a very clean house

Hope you get this sorted OP it's really not on.