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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is getting home at 12.10am too late?

76 replies

DeepPurple · 28/10/2013 21:59

DH and I moved abroad a few months ago. We have a 4 yo DD who goes to school. School starts at 7.30am sun-thurs.

DH was at business meetings every evening last week which left me feeling a bit isolated. I told DH this and we made sure we did some stuff as a family at the weekend.

A colleague / friend from the uk is over this week so DH needs to entertain him. However, this friend is coming to stay with us on thurs - mon as him and DH are going to the F1 together all weekend.

DH went through a plan with me of what he was going to do with his friend this week so I wouldn't feel abandoned again. He made plans for dinner this evening, a quick dinner tomorrow, not seeing him wed as DH goes out to his usual sporting event, then thurs he is coming to us and we are all going out for dinner. F1 on the following days.

All fine even though it means I won't see DH much and DH is working abroad next week.

Tonight he left for dinner at 6.40 and didn't get home until 12.10. I was not at all pleased as he is supposed to be taking DD to school tomorrow so I can have the only lie in I will get for a fortnight. His reason for being so late was that he got stuck in traffic on the way there. But they went on to a bar after which they didn't reach until 10.45ish.

AIBU to think this is too late for a work night? AIBU to think he could have at least let me know he was going to be so late?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/10/2013 22:03

How does it affect you?

Are you saying he won't be able to take your DD to school in the morning?

12.10 is not late to me but I think he should have phoned out of politeness.

Original poster
DeepPurple · 28/10/2013 22:11

He will manage to get up for DD but I will have to get her ready for school so he can get ready. Not really a lie in!

I just feel that he's taking the piss coming in so late, waking me up etc

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/10/2013 22:17

I don't think it's late, that's why I'm stunned he can't just get up normally in the morning and get his DD ready for school.

Original poster
DeepPurple · 28/10/2013 22:18

To get her ready as well as him he would need to be up at 6.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 28/10/2013 22:20

That's not late. Can't see why he can't still wake up and get your dd ready.

Grennie · 28/10/2013 22:21

He can still get up at 6am.

gobbynorthernbird · 28/10/2013 22:22

He'd better set an alarm then.

Caitlin17 · 28/10/2013 22:23

Do you work? Why is it so vital you get your lie in this day. If only he works this seems to be important for his career and your family's livelihood so if it were me I'd be a bit more accommodating.

TheDoctrineOfAnyFucker · 28/10/2013 22:24

Why would you get up? Presumably the deal was he got her ready and took her?

Original poster
DeepPurple · 28/10/2013 22:26

I guess I AMBU then. I wouldn't have thought it so bad if it was a one off but he was out all last week, will be out all this week and will be abroad next week. I'm not sure how expects to keep going.

OP posts:
MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 28/10/2013 22:27

I.usually get in from work at that time and manage to get up with dd. Stay in bed. Dont be a martyr.

Garcia10 · 28/10/2013 22:27

Agree with Caitlin. We basically need more details. If you are working tomorrow YANBU if not why do you need a lie-in? You nap whilst DD is at school?

Regardless of that has he said he won't get up sort out your DD? Perhaps he can function on just under six hours sleep?

Original poster
DeepPurple · 28/10/2013 22:28

I don't work anymore. I gave up my career to move here. Last week was all business meetings and dinners but this week it is just his friend. He would still need to entertain him but no need for it to be late.

OP posts:
Garcia10 · 28/10/2013 22:29

But he is doing it for work. Not to have fun with his mates. Sometimes work has to take priority. I would think especially so if he has just moved abroad and is a new position.

comewinewithmoi · 28/10/2013 22:29

Ofgs. Tell him to set his alarm. Ear plugs face mask snore enjoy.

Original poster
DeepPurple · 28/10/2013 22:31

Tomorrow would have been the only day for me to get a lie in as he has early starts until the weekend.

Schooling is odd here. dd goes 7.30 - 12.30 so not much time for napping!

OP posts:
Garcia10 · 28/10/2013 22:31

YABcompletelyU then. Sleep in the day.

Even if he is with his friend and not work commitments YABU.

And btw 12.10 is not that late AND he hasn't said that he won't help in the morning.

Do you have other issues and this is the last straw?

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 28/10/2013 22:32

Oh stop with the "would gave been". You still can.

Original poster
DeepPurple · 28/10/2013 22:32

I would do just that comewinewithmoi but the reason I was asking is because it sparked a row and he walked out.

OP posts:
Garcia10 · 28/10/2013 22:33

5 hours isn't enough for a nap?! Are you a sloth?

MrsCakesPremonition · 28/10/2013 22:33

Surely he just sets his alarm clock for the usual time and then leaves you to your lie in while he gets DD ready?

One of you is making a mountain out of a molehill but I'm not sure if it is you or your DH.

MrsCakesPremonition · 28/10/2013 22:34

Sorry x-post. So he's walked out. Where has he gone?

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 28/10/2013 22:35

Drip

Drip

Drip

Original poster
DeepPurple · 28/10/2013 22:36

I have no idea. I wasn't posting for advice on that. I just wanted to know if I was over reacting to him being out so late when he has been home so little. I accept that you all think I am over reacting.

OP posts:
Original poster
DeepPurple · 28/10/2013 22:37

I'm not drop feeding, I only wanted an answer as explained above.

OP posts:
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