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Relationships

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Original poster

Dating over 40

12 replies

ohtobecleo · 27/10/2013 08:23

I got divorced at 35 and dipped my toe into online dating a year or so later. I had a couple of years of fun, meeting lots of interesting people and a few micro-relationships (3months-ish) until I met someone at work and that relationship lasted 2 years.

I'm now 43 and have been single for a while and have been browsing the online profiles again.

Here is my issue. I used to get loads of interest and was never short of a date when I could manage to get out (I'm a single parent without much free time). I'm not shy to initiate conversations online (this was more the norm than the exception) and while not many of them went further than the first date - I always enjoyed the process. Since rejoining I've not been able to get any responses at all. I haven't changed my photos (because I don't look any different) and I haven't changed my profile. The only thing that's changed is my age - which I refuse to lie about.

Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:

raspberriesareforever · 27/10/2013 16:02

Just wait till you're 49!! I am in the same situ as you, been single a few months following a 2 year relationship. I have renewed my dating profile but not photos since (as with you) I haven't changed in 2 years. I refuse to lie about my age but so many people seem to.

Are you looking for men around your age or younger? It seems to me that a lot of men in their 40s are looking for younger women (the fools!!).

I've had a fair amount of interest, to be fair, but sadly most of them just arn't my type. Had a couple of dates which were nice, but they were also nice men who probably wern't short of women clamouring for dates. For solvent, nice looking men, it's like being a kid in a sweet shop with so much choice.

Perhaps it's time for you to try a new dating site? That way you will show up as a 'just joined' and probably generate lots of interest! Good luck.x

Original poster

ohtobecleo · 27/10/2013 17:03

I have always been on Guardian Soulmates and like the men who are on there - generally. I did try PoF.....what a bunch of idiots!! I got lots of interest, but as you say....not my types at all.

I am generally looking for men my age or a couple of years younger. I'm not averse to older men but all the ones I've met seem so much older than their years (I'm talking pipe, slippers and allotments). I'm not ready to start discussing retirement yet ;).

Glad it's not just me though :)

OP posts:

raspberriesareforever · 27/10/2013 17:09

Ahh, maybe try a new site although I have heard Soulmates is a good one. I found my 2 year relationship on Match and as he's back on there, I 'moved' elsewhere. I'm sure if you change sites you will find some new interest!

Make the most of being in your early 40's - I am now at the grand age of 49 attracting late 50's men approaching retirement ..... hhheeellllppppp!!!!

PaulineWhatsername · 27/10/2013 18:06

About not changing your photos. I think its usually obvious if people are using old photos as their dress, hairstyle, the background give the game away.

Walkacrossthesand · 27/10/2013 18:22

Blimey, Pauline, we're talking a couple of years here, not B&W 1960s snaps!

Twinklestein · 27/10/2013 18:41

The single guys I know our age are either looking for women to have children with, or are players who want to carry on playing... So in both cases that's younger women.

Why not go for guys who are older, then you can be the 'younger' woman...?

Original poster

ohtobecleo · 27/10/2013 20:57

Twinkelstein I think you've hit the nail on the head - I think it's the 'past child-bearing age' thing. Re older men - if I could find one that didn't act older than my very youthful dad, then I'd be game :)

Pauline that made me laugh....there are no yellowing edges or beehives in my photos.

OP posts:

EBearhug · 27/10/2013 22:01

Yes - I was signed up for a year, and got one bloke who wanted to meet, and there were so many alarm bells ringing for me, I refused. One or two others said thanks but no thanks, but most didn't respond at all, and hardly anyone contacted me. I have just had to accept I am unloveable, which is what my mother always said anyway.

Original poster

ohtobecleo · 27/10/2013 22:09

oh ebear no one's unloveable. Even when I was having a successful time on OD hardly anyone contacted me first - I normally initiated conversations which then lead to dates. Unfortunately that doesn't appear to be working for me now.

I've come to the conclusion that I must be at that inbetween age that's too old for the men still hoping for babies and too young for those who's kids have flown the nest and want someone without ties.

OP posts:

EBearhug · 27/10/2013 23:49

I think that could be it, the in-between age - I did have more luck 10 years ago.

PaulineWhatsername · 28/10/2013 00:15

Walk I think we're talking 5 years or so; styles change.

BigDomsWife · 31/10/2013 11:30

I think 43 is an age whereby one may still want a child & conceive a healthy child. Before I married I had many male friends who said that they would never date a woman in late 30's/early 40's because of this reason! Men hey?

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