It's not normal.

[ilivewhereiwant]

The following is what my husband said to me on email. Do you say to your husband that it's not normal for your husband to do something?


'No you don't or you wouldn't be going over six year old conversations sending emAils like that looking to attack me whilst I'm out working earning the money that you are very happy to spend! Why would you even think to do that - it's not normal'

[SweetSeraphim]

SarahBumBarer

Erm... yes. I suppose that IS what I mean

[ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm]

OP. Stop this. I obviously have no idea whats going on in your life - I certainly have no idea whats going on in your head - but this is not helpful, constructive behaviour. Really. Stop. Talk to your husband.

[BOF]

Go to your GP. Honestly.

[tawse57]

Talking on email between a couple is not healthy, especially if one partner is keeping all the emails and bringing up stuff that was written SIX YEARS ago. I mean, that is seriously f*cked up.

[HissyFucker]

A clue: WE don't seem to think your behaviour is 'normal'

Let it go! The original question on the visa application wasn't *bout past partners ANYWAY, it's about if you and he had lived together.

You want all 'firsts'? Then go out with a man your own age. And bear in mind that if he's reached his mid 30's without any significant relationship, there's probably a bloody big reason!

You are 'in thé wrong' here love, apologise, get over it, or risk losing your relationship.

How much longer do you think he's going to put up with this?

[SarahBumBarer]

No Hissy I don't think it was. OP clarified on the other thread (second post) that it was about if you had ever lived with anyone else.

The visa question was if you have ever lived together with someone other than your fiance(e)

I don't actually remember this from the UK fiance visa application (DH came to UK on such a visa) but it is certainly on other countries forms (eg Oz). Thinking of that alone - it would have stressed me out a little, the Visa application forms are not forms that you want to get caught out in a lie on but presumably they have the visa now so let it lie!

[Dahlen]

I think you should have a long hard think about your relationship. His comment about "not normal" is meaningless. It's the sort of comment that could be accurate or cruelly dismissive depending on context and perspective.

What's clear (and I posted on your other thread about the visa) is that you have trust issues with your H. Whether they are deserved or not is certainly worth exploring, but you'd be far better off examining your relationship with him rather than concentrating on something that happened a long time ago that didn't involve you.

[HissyFucker]

Ah OK, but how is that question even relevant? what is the 'correct' answer?

In anyway, immaterial, this poor guy's never going to be able to forget it is he?

[SarahBumBarer]

No idea - it's what puts me off going to Oz - I'm not sure my DH remembers who he's lived with! As I say it gives me a tiny bit of sympathy because the thought of "lying" on a visa form would stress me out but why it is still an issue for OP 6 years later is beyond my comprehension.

[HissyFucker]

I understand, it'd stress me out too.

Right up until the visa was granted... then I would not give 2 shiny shits!

less of an issue here sarah, more ishoo I fear IYKWIM.

I think 'not normal' is MrBeleaguredH being KIND quite frankly.

[nennypops]

Well, he's right, other people wouldn't think it necessary to make such a fuss about something that happened 6 years ago. So when he says "it's not normal" he's simply being accurate.

[firesidechat]

I think 'not normal' is MrBeleaguredH being KIND quite frankly.

I have to agree with this too. If the situations that the OP has described are real, and I think that they must be because they keep going over the same issues again and again, then I feel desperately sorry for the OP's husband.

OP, you seem almost obsessive in your need to find some way in which your husband has failed to live up to an ideal. There are many cases on MN which are terribly sad and some that are just plain terrible. In contrast your husband sounds shockingly normal and dare I say it quite nice.

Most of your posts have made me worry about how far you can push your husband before he has enough. The latest situation and the "it's not normal" comment suggests that he must be finding it very difficult.

Please, please get some help OP.

[SarahBumBarer]

Hissy IKExactlyWYM!