I'm a fool, aren't I!

[Prforone]

Been dwelling on this all evening and think I need some wise MNers to tell me to pick myself up before I go insane!

Boyfriend of 7 months (but known him a hell of a lot longer!) has a teenage son who refuses to meet me. Boyfriend doesn't want to push his DS into an uncomfortable position - fair enough. So every other weekend, I don't get to see the boyfriend as he has his DS. Also fair enough - though a little jarring as the weekends he has DS are also the weekends my XH has DD!

Anyways, boyfriend visited one night last week for dinner, brought some work shirts and some hand wash-only items with him. Asked if I could drop the shirts in to the dry cleaners to be pressed as he wouldn't get time this weekend. Also said to ask dry cleaner if they could deal with his hand wash-only items. I said "don't be silly, I can wash them for you, and I can also iron your shirts." So this weekend, whilst on my lonesome, that's exactly what I've done.

No real hardship as I was doing laundry anyway, but in return I've heard nothing from him all weekend, save for one text saying hi. Then he calls me late this afternoon from the car, after dropping his DS back to his ex and asks if he can come over. Great, I think - had a very dull weekend of housework and sleeping and not much else and can't wait to see him. "Okay, well, I'm going to pop down the pub now, have a few drinks, then go home and get some dinner, then I'll be over about 9-ish. Okay?"

To say I was a little disappointed that he wasn't going to rush over to see me would be an understatement, but I thought oh well, it's better than nothing, so I agreed. Then he says "Oh, by the way, DS is at a family do next Saturday so I'm going to have him Friday night and all day Sunday next weekend instead."

I know deep down this is a really unreasonable thing to say, but I was absolutely gutted by this as my birthday is next Sunday and now I'm going to spend it all alone (my DD will be with her dad). Boyfriend and I did have plans for that day but now he's seeing his DS instead and because of DS's reluctance to meet me (and boyfriend letting his DS rule him), I'm left out in the cold. I'm away with DD the following day for a half-term break so this was our only chance to go out and do something nice.

I find myself constantly doing things to help the boyfriend out (the whole ironing shirts/washing is just one example - there's plenty more I do/have done!) I do these things willingly because I love him - but I honestly feel like it's a one-way street and he only sees me when he's got nothing better to do (or needs an errand run!).

I'm a fool, aren't I?!?

Who generally contacts who? Is it him when he wants a booty call or you to do something for him that he doesn't have the time for?

I went out with a chap like this. It didn't last long as he soon got the heave ho.

You sound really nice, too nice to waste time on someone that doesn't put you very near the top of his list of priorities.

I'd move on unless he's ready to stop putting his wife's feelings first over him seeing other people and his excuse to not upset her if you meet his son. He needs to show some commitment to you other than laundry and the odd romp in bed.

Just to keep you all posted, I texted boyfriend this morning and said we need to talk. He responded "Okay, when?", to which I responded ASAP.

Gives me a call when he leaves work this evening, tells me all about his crap day, doesn't even ask how mine was or how DD is (she's been off sick from school) and then says "So, you want to talk? Can we do it on Wednesday? Only by the time I get home, get changed, have something to eat and get round to yours, it's going to be around 9-ish."

Hmmm, state of our relationship not a pressing matter then?!? 9-ish was the perfect time (in his eyes) to come round last night (after three days of not seeing each other and allowing himself a few hours in the pub, not to mention time to sort out some dinner for HIMSELF before actually gracing me with his presence)!!!

Ta-ta!!!!!!!!

So grateful for all your responses. You have made me rethink my self-worth in all of this. for each and every one of you!

So you are waiting until 9pm on Wednesday like a Good Little Doormat then ?

Fuck, no!!!

I replied that if he thought it could wait another couple of days to suit him, it really wasn't worth bothering about in the first place.

Have you binned him for good ?

But what are you hoping to achieve from this Talk?

How did he reply when you said that op?

Well done by the way!

Hope you are ok, love x

Yeah, I'm surprisingly okay, thanks. Probably on an "empowerment high" and will feel crushed when I wake up in the morning, but let's just see, eh?

When I said what I did, he said he thought it best to wait 'til Wednesday also because then "little ears" wouldn't be listening. (DD would be at her dad's that night). My DD is in bed by 8 pm, sleeps like a log, and given he couldn't possibly be here before 9 pm (erm, hello? Pub calling?), that would give her a clear hour to be snoring her precious little head off.

So I just said, "No, just forget it then. Talk not necessary now. Have a good evening. Bye" and ended the call.

Have since had a text stating he knows we don't spend enough time together IN MY EYES!!! And how sorry he is that I feel so upset, he doesn't want us to part, blah, blah, blah. I'm so tempted to respond but won't because it'll just keep going round in circles and I'm in a semi-good place at the moment!

I suggest you switch your phone off for this evening and let the dust settle.

He is of course wanting the status quo to continue. It suited him down to the ground didn't it. You ? Not so much.

Still think u should bin him but read a great quite once, "Men don't respond to words, they respond to no contact".

So true!

Was from " Why men love Bitches"

A book I strongly recommend you read ( check out the reviews on Amazon if you don't believe me ! )

And good luck, you are worth so much more than this...

Well my husband responds to words and he was a man when I last checked .

I think you need to end this relationship and make it clear that you are so doing OP.

So do I, Leavenheath. But not doing it in a phone call or by text, as I wouldn't want that done to me. Need a face-to-face with him but, like Scary said, am going to wait for the dust to settle first.

As long as you are sure you are not giving him the headspace to wheedle his way back in ?

Of course he doesn't want to part. You're so good at ironing.

Is he dropping some laundry off in the meantime, while you wait to have this chat ?

Annie, I'm a bloody expert at ironing, so that's just one of my many skills he's going to miss

I could suggest a better use for your iron when you see him, but will refrain

heh

You know you are just a fuck-buddy, right?

If you do my ironing, I'll buy you dinner at the pub!

Seriously, get rid.

so he doesnt even eat with you? he just gives you maid duties and comes round late at night to get a shag?
i wouldnt call you foolish but i might check you over see if youve got muggins tattooed anywhere

If you meet up on Weds don't let it be so you can have the " I'm breaking up with you unless you are about to turn into the man I hoped / thought you were in which case I'll give you another shag chance" conversation.

BTW that's what he will be hoping for.

No laundry on my doorstep so far, Scary. After our short conversation tonight, not to mention telling him not to bother coming round last night, he's probably in a state of shock that I've "grown a pair", so to speak. Having not been used to me being a bit assertive, he's probably scared his shirts would be returned shredded!

Not giving him headspace to wheedle back in, Scary. Hell, I don't expect he's even that bothered. Need headspace myself to make sure I can get my point across succinctly without turning into a bawling mess. By my reckoning, the next time he'll have time to see me will be this Saturday (as DS is otherwise engaged). Perfect timing - I can tell him I don't want to be in a lopsided relationship anymore, then I can spend Sat night cosied up in front of the telly with DD, and she can lecture me with her words of wisdom if I have a wobble. She's only 8, bless her, but has already said in passing that I should stop doing nice things for boyfriend until he does something nice for me! I can make myself busy all day Sunday packing and then off on hols with DD on the Monday for the rest of the week. Hurrah!

first time ever I'm going to say it LTB he sounds like an ex of mine. Seriously save more heart ache by getting out now. I dumped ex but totally expected him to fight for me, which he didn't but it enabled me to meet DH, the absolute love of my life.

I honestly could kick myself for staying in relationships thinking they would get better when they didn't. One of the best things I learnt was to let go of shit exs.

good luck OP