I've invited the OW for dinner - mistake?

[youvegotmail]

Brief background, altho I have posted about this before - my husband has become good friends with a woman at work. They work in different offices in different parts of country but for same company. He trained her etc which is how they met and they meet up with work eveyr month or so. They share a hobby in common and always go to lunch or for drinks when she's across at his office. She's a lot younger than him and is really stunning looking. She is married with children (as are we!) I've been very jealous of her and anxious about how much hubby seems to like her. He emails her several times a day including when at home and basically none of it is work related, just chat. He said he likes her tons and they are good friends. I've snooped a lot and never found anything dodge but all the chat seems a bit flirty to me not because they are explicity flirting but because they so clearly like each other and bounce mails back and forth. Not texts as far as I can see although hubs says they chat on the phone at work a bit.

Anyway, I've met her a few times at social events but I've kind of snubbed her and not been very friendly. Hubby mentioned that she and her husband and kids are coming to our area during half term to see friends and I've invited them all for dinner. I'm doing it as I want to see her and hubby together and I also want to get to know her. Feel if I can make it all 'above board' with us all friendly together, it will take any excitement out of it for them, or mamke it less likely to develop into something.

I'm worried now though as since they accepted the invite hubby has been bouncing around like an excited puppy. He even talked about what he's planning to wear?! I worry I'm facilitating something I should be shutting down. Should I cancel?

OP we are just chatting whilst we wait for you to return. How did it go, come and tell us all about it.

If you don't want to post on this thread, start a new one and post a link.

when it all goes to fields round here will someone send me a pm with the new place please

I just hope you're ok, OP. Very unfortunate that all this came to a head on your thread and especially the timing of CFD's last comment which must have been very upsetting. I know it's really easy to overlook all the kindness and caring comments and focus on the nasty one when you're feeling down. Being upset anyway, any insult is magnified and anything negative stands out. But try your best to see the positives as well and to objectively see how many more of them there are than snide comments.

A colleague of mine had an affair with a MM she met through work.

He told her that he was madly in love with her and they would be together eventually but he could not leave his unstable wife and children.

Instead, they agreed to be friends; they worked together on a huge research project that involved late nights and weekends and on several occasions he invited my colleague to dinner at his house.

His wife later told me that she knew what was going on because he badgered her about making the house look good, what my colleague would eat, what her favourite wine was and, what a coincidence, what he should wear.

He fucked with her mind for months because, in his head, it was a friendship and I think he genuinely believed that he was being honourable by staying with his wife.

My colleague tired of his nonsense and ended things. I believe the MM and his wife had a lot of counselling and they are still together.

My long-winded point is, you know your DH. Instinct is a powerful thing and we ignore it at our peril.

Would your DH skip about like this for a bloke?

I have found that my life is infinitely better when I am not caught in the loony no mans land of seeing and thinking one thing and being told something completely different.

I hope you ignore the local noise here and that things work out to your advantage. There are many people here who can offer support.

Best wishes to you.

had to be done.

scarymuff is right OP-, we are only bantering in your absence, hoping that you return or start a new thread.(do link)

you so clearly need support and there are a lot of people trying to help you.

AF will be back and if her suspension bothers you, it shouldn't, it is not your fault!
No-one blames you for what went down!
You can get this thread deleted if it caused you further pain.

we can not know for sure what is going on between your husband and the friend (and btw just what a stupid thing that people were berating you for calling her the OW?! your thread, who cares what you called her)
but if I were you I'd be suspicious too. I hope you come back or that you can get help through some PMs.

I wish you all the best. (hugs)

De lurking to say I'm so sorry your thread got hi jacked.

I hope you're ok, I hope you have people in rl to discuss this with.

If you feel the need then why not pm done posters you feel have understood you.

op, how'd it go?

I hope you are ok, mail. I read this and your other thread. It's horrible that your thread ended up in the middle of all MN mess.

If it helps, OP, I expect CFD has been banned too, so it's (probably) safe for you to come back.

I have found that my life is infinitely better when I am not caught in the loony no mans land of seeing and thinking one thing and being told something completely different.

That is what mail is struggling with. I hope your mind is at rest.

Thank you for all the replies and for the PMs. I promise I do really appreciate everybody who has taken the the time to give me wise and genuine advice on here or via pm. I will reply to the Pms when I'm a bit more together about everything.

I feel a bit silly about getting so upset about the post last night - I was really emotional, had had a few drinks and feeling mocked just felt like the last straw.

I think I'll start a new thread when I feel a bit braver! Thank you again.

Proper update needed.

Why? OP will update as and when she feels when wants to, if ever. This thread is for her benefit not a serial drama.

Hope you are well OP, and last night hasn't worsened the situation.

Coolforcatz.....that really wasn't cool.

I'm sorry if I've missed it (and that your thread seems to have not run smoothly ) but have you had your dinner? how did it go?

Thanks for coming back youvegotmail. Don't worry you have nothing to feel silly about. We are here when you are ready to start posting again. Hope last night wasn't too awful for you

Oh Youvegotmail, you have nothing to apologise for. Hope you're OK.

Why so sensitive? And I'm not on about the OP either.

She was going to update last night but due to some heartless comments she didn't, there's no harm in asking for an update when people, including me, are genuinely interested in how she's getting on.

The OP needs support, not a pack of frigging Rottweilers 'protecting' her.

Coolforcatz, this isn't flipping eastenders.
Have a bit of respect for the OP.
You know the person behind the posts, with a real life, head wrecking situation.

Youvegotmail, look after yourself.

Coolgotcatz....

1. I'm not being sensitive 2) it is not up to you to demand a proper update 3) she explained she'd start a new thread etc etc 4) how do you get from a few people calmly commenting on your post that there are a pack of Rottweilers???

Is it me or are there an influx of posters who just want to antagonise. Most of which I don't recognise their names so maybe they're newbies who don't quite understand how threads work.

This thread has had enough aggro I think.

This thread has more than enough aggro indeed, so stop ruining her thread.

Coolforcatz I don't know if you realise this, but your claim that "there's no harm in asking for an update when people, including me, are genuinely interested in how she's getting on" is in no way reflected by your 'Proper update needed' post. It's abrupt, in no way responds to my posts and is actually quite rude.

I'm stepping away from this now... Thanks again to all lovely peeps.

Take care you'vegotmail....

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