How do I stop being the butt of my family's jokes without looking like I've got no sense of humour?

[AutumnLeafMyArse]

I'm going out tonight for a family meal and for once I don't want all the humour to revolve around making fun of me. As gentle as the humour is, over the years I've realised when we all get together I tend to feel a bit ganged up upon (I'm the youngest, not sure if that's relevant). I don't mind a joke, honestly, but it's a regular pattern I've got fed up of laughing off. I don't want to spoil the occasion and certainly don't want to upset the birthday person, so any pointers on how I can politely stop any "joking" before they all get on a roll?

I put up with this for years. I'm just starting to come around to two important facts:

• My mother is a narc and the family dynamic is messed up and

• I've been doing stand up for two years now and I'm actually funny

So, whenever they start with the teasing, I just give a droll "Badum-tish" or "Ladies and Gentlemen, my mother/brother/aunt". Occasionally I let slip that they're giving me prime material for my next gig.

Princess, maybe they'll make you rich one day - hope so.

OP, hope the evening went ok. I got very angry for everyone earlier. (Never had to go through that shit)

Next time they start prepare yourself to walk out and go home and make sure they do it. There is nothing wrong with saying its not funny or that who is laughing or "how is it a joke if there is no punch line?"
ALso I bet you do have a sense of humour but it selective in that you only laugh at things that are funny.

Mi y family do it constantly it's my dad's sense of humor but I am just as quick to make a comment back if I sit quietly and ignore it it gets worse try and being just as quick to come back at them with something they won't like it

My family did this for years. Mainly DF and DB but also DS. DM did it unintentionally. The only things that stopped it were one time instead of reacting to the teasing, i stood up and calmly said "I'm bored of this" and walked out of the room. They were all shocked. The other thing was when i first bought my now DH home. The change in their behaviour towards me was huge. Far far less "teasing". I said to my DH that i would nevergo back home without him. Their behaviour is do much better now that even if i go home without them, they are much more respectful. It's very galling it took a man to change their attitude.

I had this off an ex-colleague - I think he genuinely thought his little joke was hilarious.
One day I just looked at him with a pained, bored expression on my face and he said 'oh, you're no finding this funny' and I said no. Then it stopped.

Hi Amber - have you posted about this before? I have a vague recollection of seeing a very similar post previously. If it was not you then I may try and find it and link it. If it was you then as you can see from both threads, people definitely agree that this is inappropriate, hurtful and bullying and completely understand your hurt. It is a real mindset that families get in to but it is wrong and bullying. If saying something does not work then would be tempted to sit a few family events out (low key ones - no your mother's 50th or anything like that!) explaining that you are a bit fed up with it all.

Hope last night went better than you were expecting.

Yes, how did it go OP?

sarah, I have to say I am relieved by your post, and by the universal agreement that the OP's family are in the wrong. I have often thought that I was just being over-sensitive in my reaction to my family's treatment of me, so I'm glad that this is recognised as wrong and not just part of normal family joking around. I'm hoping it will give me courage next time...

autumn, I hope things went well last night.

A lot of people here are reporting that the brother and father did this to them. That is my experience too, and TBH one of the reasons I don't visit too much these days. I wonder why this male teasing is so common, even into adulthood.

Hello again, well all in all I had a lovely evening, just minor genuinely jokey banter which I felt included me rather than targetted me. Except one small but very telling comment. I'm not brave enough to post it as I also found out my aunt is sometimes on here but its clear when I was growing up the comments were deliberate as they all thought I was so easy to wind up. I guess old habits die hard.

I forgot to say to SarahBumBearer I've not posted about this before so if you can do the link I'd be very interested to read it.

Hello Autumn - thanks for the update, I'm glad that your evening went better than expected - long may this continue. Onwards and upwards :)

Interesting, that comment slipped in by your aunt ?!?

I know but it came up because of all the fuss over the penis beaker thread, so not related to mine thank goodness.

That thread went viral - hopefully you're safe. Glad it went well. Perhaps you had an air of taking-no-shit about you this time ;)

I wonder if a lot of this is smart-alec joking... only they need a target to do it. And that target is you. Habit?

However, you saying you're not quick enough rang alarm bells with me. As did the event, not being able to 'spoil' someone's special day. So they roll out this shit and you have to take it because you would be ruining someone's day if you made a scene. I've been the butt of my family's jokes/bullying/abuse (take your pick) and it took me an age to see it. Toxic family alert. They are no longer in my life. Huge relief.

However, I'm hoping it's the former scenario - ime men do like to do this competitive joking thing. YOu falling flat on your face when you're 7 months pg elicited a deadpan response - meant to be hilariously funny in its understatement? erm not funny, you could have hurt yourself and your baby. It's just cack Autumn, it's not funny. YOu are the sacrificial lamb to their competing jokes. Call a meeting of sorts to address it, let them know that you're not enjoying it, it's not funny when not everyone is laughing, they're using you to show off to one another. If they say it's only a bit of fun/you have no sense of humour (aka don't take our rich seam of potential jokes away from us, we enjoy it too much) repeat that you want it to stop. Follow it through: if they do it again, chide them like you would a child. And, if it is competitive joking, plan some shrivelling put-downs/'jokes' ready to unleash. That'll stop them - they will have learnt to fear you.

Are they drinkers btw? It's often drinkers who get into this competitive joking shit.

Well done for weathering today.

Actually, maybe following it through would give them too much attention. We're talking toddlers here re negative attention is better than no attention.

My family used to be like this to me. A few foot stamping screaming tantrums soon sorted it out. I would also leave as soon as they started, once I had to get a taxi 40 miles to get away. It was worth it.

I posted about friends commenting about my weight and being a "skinny Beatch" I told them they'd never have that problem and muttered fat cows (dunno if they heard) but we were in a large group of friends and it went very quiet. It came after years of putting up with comments about my weight (thin due to health problems they didn't know about) . Haven't been out since but I think I might have put an end to the comments! And although I feel bad I'm glad I said something wish it hadn't been this extreme though!

I also get this as the youngest in my family too