What is this and how would you deal with it?

[Sparklysilversequins]

You're going out for the day and your DP is irritable. So he says things like:-

"brushed your teeth kids?" kids say not yet, DP says in a shocked voice "really?! Well that should part of your daily routine, does Mummy not tell you to do it every day because you really should know that by now". Accompanied by tutting and head shaking.

Or

"have you got your coats kids? No? Well we really should be taking a ruck sack with all these things in YOU shouldn't have to worry about this! Do you usually not take one with you? Tut tut" head shaking.

Or

"yes we are going to have to rush now kids because we are leaving twenty minutes later than we said we would because Mummy had a bath, so let's be quick.". (Mummy has got herself and two dc ready while daddy got himself ready).

How would you respond to this? Thanks.

I believe the technical term is

Being a passive aggressive cunt.

I'd respond by visiting a solicitor. My ex BIL was like this - I never understood why my lovely SIL stayed with him. She became a shadow of her former self.

.

I'd ask why he's being such a passive aggressive arse...

Why is parenting Mummy's job? Is he not equally responsible?

But yes, it's passive aggressive behaviour. Horrible.

It's gaslighting, too, as he's persuading his own family that things aren't actually as they are.

This passive aggressive arsefuckery

I wouldn't "deal with it" because that infers acceptance. It would stop, or his backside out the door.

This is

If you haven't already done so, tell him to stop doing it. He's being an immature wanker and is criticising you to your kids.

Are there reasons he can't do the tasks he's criticising you for?? Is he this horrible in all aspects of your relationship?

A verbal toe up the hole might be the best place to start.

This isn't me by the way but I have witnessed it many times in a family members relationship. They end up having big screaming rows but she says she cannot put a name to what he is doing hence other family members think she is overreacting and hysterical . I DON'T. I just wanted a name for it to tell her. I said PA as well but wasn't sure it was quite right.

That's horrible Sparkly

The poor woman is being severely gaslighted.

What a cunt. She should get rid.

Hr doesn't do any parenting imo but thinks he does when he is pulling her up for all the "mistakes" she's making.

This is so bad it really makes me physically sick to picture these scenes :(

I'm glad he isn't your husband - he sounds really horrible.

How awful to be undermined like this, for no reason, and with no warning. I bet Mommy has anxiety attacks as a result, which are all her problem too!

Yep. Total PA asshole.

She had a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago glenshee .

Your posts are extremely helpful, I will be showing them to her.

ALL of your posts that is.

You're welcome Sparklysilversequins. So sad :(

I would record the next load of shit that comes out of his petulant, lemon pouty lips and ask him he thinks that was acceptable?

What a ridiculous man.

I think one piece of advice I'd be giving her is to record him, without telling him, because that sort of thing makes you feel like you're going mad. Later he will tell her she's wrong to think he's said anything like that, so hearing the recording again will confirm her sanity.

Cross post, bowie!

Tell her to LTB. From me.

"petulant, lemon pouty lips"

Love these replies.

My response for such a passive aggressive little twat would be to walk up to him when he says it and stand as close as I can get - inches from his face and say 'do you have a problem with something'.

I'd love to see his reply. Or you can play him at his game 'oh I wonder what it feels like to only have to look after yourself and to sit around and scratch yourself all day'.