Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MY NEW BOYFRIEND'S EX WIFE WANTS HIM BACK

105 replies

ANNETTE5355 · 17/10/2013 19:32

I a guy a month ago and we still getting to know each other and now his ex wife who has been divorced from for 5 years (they have not been speaking much) wants him back,they have a 11 year old daughter together. They got divorced because she cheated on him and had another man's child. He told me on saturday and will be making his decision by the end of this week, he feels very bad for putting this on me and wants to do what is right for his daughter. I have been understanding and supportive up to now and listened, he has still been txting and ringing me everyday since she asked him.what do I do, how do I treat him, I have just been myself and not been any different and still laugh and joke and we able to talk about anything. He seems very confused.

OP posts:
WearingAnUmbrellaHat · 17/10/2013 21:24

If I was you and he "chose me" I would always feel like second best. If he wanted you then he would have told her to bugger off straight away. Sorry to be harsh but best to save yourself a lot of heartache.

ScaryFucker · 17/10/2013 21:29

Have you jettisoned him yet, OP ?

scarletforya · 17/10/2013 21:41

It's not a good idea to fall for someone you've known for only four weeks. You say you want to trust him. Why? You don't trust someone you've only known four weeks. Someone you've known four weeks is not your boyfriend.

Btw, the ex thing and what's best for his daughter is a load of old shite. It's a convenient excuse he's going to use to drop you.

You rushed in far too quickly and I'm sorry but you've been very gullible.

middleeasternpromise · 17/10/2013 21:51

I had this happen to me so dont beat yourself up there are some crazy motherfeckers out there. Guy I met was divorced 2 kids, his ex wife kicked him out as she was having an affair with the neighbour - quickly got pregnant and had BFs baby. Acrimonious as hell relationship (I saw the texts etc) but I just knew something wasn't right with this bloke (all talk not much substance) anyway decided it was going no where so binned him off. Low and behold he has got back with ex wife 6 years post divorce and taken on other mans kid. There are these mad people out there whose lives are so fecked up and they want to bring the whole sorry mess to your door. Smell a rat? its a rat, run for the hills and count yourself lucky this only took up a month of your time. Think of it as a mild distraction from the other stuff on dating websites.

Vivacia · 18/10/2013 05:59

I agree. Falling in love after 4 weeks, trusting, caring and showing understanding does not make you the bad person here. His behaviour is the not ok behaviour and you were right to have your concerns and write about it here.

LibraryBook · 18/10/2013 11:21

Text him and tell him that you know it's shallow but you've fallen for a man with a much bigger penis. Sorry.

C0ffeeN0biscuit · 18/10/2013 11:25

I'd tweak that slightly. "sorry I know it's shallow but I want a man with no complications, thank you and good luck".

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 18/10/2013 11:27

Where does he live during the week? clue it's with his wife

C0ffeeN0biscuit · 18/10/2013 11:28

ps, every story he tells you paints him in a good light. The only and only relationship I had since my divorce, the man (like me) was aware of why they'd split up and had learned from the whole experience. We weren't right for each other and split up but he wasn't casting himself in the light of wronged injured party and casting the women in his life as people who'd wronged him. THAT would make me smell bovine excrement for SURE.

SoupDragon · 18/10/2013 11:30

you've only invested a month of your life. Run like the wind!

Mabelface · 18/10/2013 11:31

You text him and tell him that you don't play second best to anyone, nor do you wait around for someone to decide if they want you or not, because you're actually far better than that.

Either that or tell him to go fuck himself.

Tweetypie27 · 18/10/2013 11:41

When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time and he has shown himself for what he is. Run away from this idiot your sitting waiting for his decision while he leaves you dangling like a puppet on a string. Have some dignity here and dump him right now today and of course he's being charming and lovely that's what these men do and you deserve so much better!

CuChullain · 18/10/2013 12:01

I can only add to what others have already said.

Move on.

If he was seriously keen and wanted to build a future with you his ex wife would have been told 'no' the moment the idea was mooted. Putting you on the back burner while he gets his act together is rude beyond belief. Nobody wants to be 'the one' after week long consultation exercise.

Lweji · 18/10/2013 12:06

I hope you have dumped him already.

I wouldn't trust anything he says.

SoleSorceress · 18/10/2013 12:35

Dump, dump, dump!!!

bestsonever · 18/10/2013 12:35

Sorry, but the way you describe the whole circumstance as to how this has panned out screams at me that you should not use dating sites. Really, you have to be less easily lead on these sites otherwise you will repeatedly get hurt like this. I am betting you have not seen through what are very obvious lies, because once you DTD it clouded everything and you 'fell for him'. Sex does not equal commitment.
I tried eHarmony once, thinking mistakenly that men on there would be interested in a relationship, met someone - lots of chemistry but I held back, saw through stuff, challenged it, at which point he let me know I would of been just a shag. Dignity intact, minimal emotional attachment, just a day of feeling disappointment. That is as far as you should have got in the 4 weeks. Given OD the heave-ho now and much happier for it - life's too short to be wasting it on meeting arseholes.

FabricQueen · 18/10/2013 12:49

He is confused? Bin him off, instantly. This happened to me a few years ago and I wish I had told him to fuck off to the far side of fuck. Turns out that her wanting him back also translated to him fucking her. Hmm

bestsonever · 18/10/2013 13:21

Hmm, I'm disputing the title too. I doubt he is your boyfriend as he is not exclusive to you. Have you discussed being exclusive in the 4 weeks? - something you need to do to be on the same page with OD. If it's not been talked about, assume there are others - 'works away during the week' could be a euphemism. Sex does not equal relationship with dating until you have it verbal intent for the future.

BooHissy · 18/10/2013 19:48

Could he be playing with your mind, getting you to beg him to choose you?

he sounds seriously fucked up!

Ditch him!

HellonHeels · 18/10/2013 20:02

Oh dear! PLEASE dump him he is awful!

mammadiggingdeep · 18/10/2013 20:52

Oh op......run for the hills!!!!!
Waiting for him to decide ?! Please, no!!!!! Bin him. He sooooo lives with his wife or ow in the week
You've had a lucky escape x

Lizzabadger · 19/10/2013 06:31

Do what librarybook says (and please be less naive next time).

Mojavewonderer · 19/10/2013 09:25

He sounds delightful op ;)
Seriously though op, the nerve this guy has to sit there and openly ponder which relationship to go for.....
'hmmm the ex wife or the new girlfriend....whichever will I choose.'
What a cad!!

whilewildeisonmine · 19/10/2013 09:53

Run for the hills! This happened to me (although longer than a month in and I was pregnant at the time) and if I'd known then what I know now I would have stayed well away.

SolidGoldBrass · 19/10/2013 10:59

You definitely need to spend some time sorting yourself out before you date again. You sound naive, young and desperate. It's fine to be single, fine to have lots of casual sex (which is actually very good for women. It stops you falling for bullshit and putting up with men who are crap in bed), fine to be completely celibate if that's what you prefer.
But at the moment you seem to be desperate for The One and therefore cast any halfwit with a cock in the role of Prince Charming, and that's not good for you.