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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

sb34 here again! I am going to write to my parents tomorrow - any ideas?

86 replies

sb34 · 19/02/2004 22:31

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mothernature · 19/02/2004 22:45

sb34 ooh, what can you say? just tell them, you are their daughter, they will understand, they'll probably be cross with you at first for not letting them know sooner.. just pour it all out best you can.. once you start writing it you'll not be able to stop...

((((hugs))))

GeorginaA · 19/02/2004 22:52

sb - if you only give them limited information, will they just grill you about the details when they see you face to face? It might be better (and more comfortable for you) to give the whole information in a letter so you don't have to go into long explanations at a later date?

Don't know if it helps, but when I have a difficult letter to write I try and do a bullet point list or a mind map of everything I want to cover to get my head around it before putting pen to paper. That way I find my thoughts come out more coherently and more structured than they otherwise would.

hugs will be thinking of you tomorrow.

JanH · 19/02/2004 22:58

I agree with Georgina, SB - give them both barrels now. The more information they have bow the less you will have to go over later.

You and your children need and deserve their support and you're never going to get it while they think the AH is a saint.

Hugs from me too.

XXX

JanH · 19/02/2004 22:58

now, not bow!

Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:00

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Metrobaby · 19/02/2004 23:04

sb - I really don't know what to advise. But wanted to wish you good luck and let you know I'll be thinking of you. Remember whatever you write, you are writing the truth about what has happened and have you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about.

Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:07

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suzywong · 19/02/2004 23:09

Have you got any of your VSM threads?
If it isn't too painful to go over, you could find some very comprehensive and precise statements in there?

Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:13

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suzywong · 19/02/2004 23:16

Your are very wise, you have come such a long way, that probably wasn't a very bright suggestion.
Ssorry

Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:18

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Metrobaby · 19/02/2004 23:21

sb - I'm not sure what sort of relatonship with your parents you have and how easily you can open up to them - but I reckon its important to tell them the truth if you can.

CountessDracula · 19/02/2004 23:23

sb34 could I ask why you are telling them in a letter? Won't it leave them confused and unhappy and with so many questions that you aren't there to answer?

I am just thinking from my own point of view as a parent, if my dd had been through what you have been through and wrote to me to tell me about it I would feel......??? odd don't really know what but it seems the sort of thing you ought to tell them face to face.

Unless of course you are just going to say that you have grown apart?

Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:25

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Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:28

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suzywong · 19/02/2004 23:31

Dear Mum and Dad

It isn't easy for me to tell you this, but I feel you deserve to know that Ah and I are no longer together. We have decided that our marriage had come to an end, and although painful, it is the most sensible course to take as life was becoming unbearable particurlary for me and the children.
Unfortunately, for many reasons and despite appearances (up to you how you phrase it, how much you tell) AH's behaviour was not condusive to a happy family atmosphere and it was for the sake of my safety/sanity and the children's happiness I asked AH to leave our home at Christmas.
It was not a decision I came to lightly or quickly. I talked it over with friends and people with experience and I feel that our lives will be happier and safer now that AH is no longer a part of our family life.
I am feeling stronger every day and I am making arrangements for me and the kids to manage finacially and for AH to have some contact with them.
I know this is a huge shock to you both, and I now that you were fond of AH, but I would ask you to respect the decision I have come to and support me in this difficult time. We all have to adjust to the new situation and the children need to see that their grandparents' attitude hasn't changed.

Don't want to put words in to your mouth but this could be a starting point
xxxx

Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:32

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Metrobaby · 19/02/2004 23:33

sb

Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:33

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Metrobaby · 19/02/2004 23:37

I wish I could help sb - don't have this sort of experience though ....

I can only sympathise. I'd find it difficult to tell my parents this too.

Metrobaby · 19/02/2004 23:38

you've done the most difficult thing of all already - leaving your AH remember !

Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:41

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suzywong · 19/02/2004 23:41

SB
I really have to go to bed now, but if you feel the need to can email me, won't take it personally if you don't.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow
Night night

saintshar · 19/02/2004 23:43

SB, I think the way suzywong worded that was just right. Maybe it is along the line you should do it, not too much information, but it says what it needs to.
At the end of the day, you know your parents best. You know i have told you before, it is OK for lucky people like myself who have the best parents, but you have to do what is right for you. And if that means not telling the whole truth, then so be it.
When all is said and done, you need to say something soon, because it will be better to hear it from you, as if you don't tell them soon, i am sure someone else will.

Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:47

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