sb34 here again! I am going to write to my parents tomorrow - any ideas?

[sb34]

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WELL DONE SB

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Good on you, sb, another step forward

Good for you.

Just saw this! Well done! Way to go.

It's one more step and you have taken it bravely. Well done. I read your message a while ago, but I had a different type of relationship with my mother so I didn't know how I'd handle your situation. I am glad you have found a way through it and hope you start feeling good about the split being 'official' now. From what I've read about your ah, you have every reason to feel good about this.

I know you have been unsure about how much to tell your parents. If your parents start asking you questions, do you think you will keep to the statement in your letter about your ah moving out last Friday?

Are they likely to speak to your ah about the break up? will he say he moved out months ago? if your parents end up with two different versions of events will this cause problems for you? I hope I am not sounding negative, I just want you to have whatever support you can get from them - are they the sort of people who will expect the truth from you in order to give you this? I really hope their support is not so conditional.

well done SB. Hang in there

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Oh SB that's totally horrid for you.
Thinking of you and know that you are strong and will be able to cope ...
I'd be nice if you could get a run of good luck for a while XXXX

That should read It'd be nice .... not I'd be nice .... oooops

sb34 - is it worth telling them the whole truth so they won't try to organise something behind your back? It does sound like they're going to try very hard to interfere against your wishes

hugs - so stressful when you really need their kind words and support.

Poor you sb

My feeling is that if your parents knew the whole truth they would not be "trying to help" in this way.

Hugs X

I'm so sorry that your fears in telling them have turned out to be so well founded. You really do not need their interference when you have come so far without them, however well intended, though misguided, it may be. If they do contact AH what is he likely to tell them - not that he is an A or has cut you off financially I'm sure .

Hope you manage to resolve all this in time to enjoy Saturday.

take care and thinking of you

Oh, sb, don't know what to say

I know they are only trying to help but your ah is such a manipulative b@st@rd - I really hope they respect your wishes not to get in touch with him, he'd just love that. What a mess.

(((hugs)))

sb, I agree with spacemonkey - however embarrassing and painful it is for you, if they knew the whole story, what a total, complete and utter A*SE he is and that he won't even give you and the children money, they wouldn't be trying to get you to patch things up - from what you've told them it just looks like a major row - can't you tell them the rest? Please?

I've no money and an arse of an ex too, want to come round mine and drink wine??

So sorry to hear your news, I could never bring myself to tell my parents the whole truth either.

Hope they soon get the message that you're not going to change your mind. big hugs.

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many sympathies, sb34.

My husband's parents are a little like yours, I think. Very good and kind people, but they don't like too much emotional mess and I have to pick my words carefully when I talk to them.

Have you got any plan of action if they do decide to contact your ah? if he starts telling them lies, will you tell the truth? Is it any good telling your parents that you will not speak to them if you hear they have been in contact with your ah - is that a threat they would take seriously?

Arse

You poor love, but it's your party on Friday! And MN reps will be there and all of us in spirit

Honey - tell them everything - especially about the violence - this is what I always said - that way they know why you are doing it and won't try to push you back together or side with him - please please please - you got this far only one more push - write it all down and send it in a letter its much easier.

As for the money thing have you waved the threat of the CSA at him??

(Oh please email me your address - I have a oressie for you as well as those books we spoke about - can't get babysitter but may not be drinking anyway )

sb34, sorry to butt in, but been following this one...I'm with Twinkie on this - tell them the whole story. You have enough on your plate looking after yourself and the children, it isn't you place to protect them from the truth (horrible as it is) as well. They should be supporting you, instead its like you are mothering them by hiding what is really going on...

Sb, I'm so sorry they've reacted this way. I agree, you've got to tell them and ask them NOT to try to get you back together or to talk to AH. Writing it down might make it easier. Or could a friend tell them for you?

Oh, Sb, I'm really sorry that they've been like this. Of course it is because they don't know even a quarter of the things you've been through. Could you bear to say he bullied you and was harsh with the children and isn't giving you any money for the children? That avoids the domestic violence stuff that I know you don't want to discuss with them, but lets them know it was very difficult for you and that he's behaving very badly.
In the end though, whatever they say you know the truth and know you did the right thing, and you can't control your parents.

Honey next time they speak to you get really cross - shout he hit me at them and then cry - will get it out in the open and make them see just how hard you have had it.

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