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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

sb34 here again! I am going to write to my parents tomorrow - any ideas?

86 replies

sb34 · 19/02/2004 22:31

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
saintshar · 19/02/2004 23:52

Then i say just tell them what they need to know. You have enough to cope with right now. So if your life is made easier by telling a few white lies, what the hell.
I am sur AH wont be telling them too many details either. I noticed in the bar you said you were going to bed. If so, sleep well, and try to not let it all worry you too much.

Original poster
sb34 · 19/02/2004 23:55

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
JJ · 20/02/2004 19:18

Just caught this. Good luck with whatever you decide and Suzy's note sounds spot on. Just cut and paste and send away.

Big hugs.

doormat · 20/02/2004 19:41

sb tell them the truth
hugs
xxx

crystaltips · 20/02/2004 19:53

SB - suzywong seems to have hit it on the button....

Put it this way - this is your one big chance to "lay it on the line" with your folks. The more you can bear to tell them the better. If you say that you have a professional relationship with them - then they are not really likely to pry - whatever you tell them .... but the more you tell them now - the more they are likely to understand and the less you will have to tell them in the future.

Take care XXXX

SoupDragon · 20/02/2004 20:26

Suzywong's letter seems ideal. You might want to explain why you're sending them a letter and say you'll talk to them face to face later?

LadyCodworth · 20/02/2004 20:28

Why on earth havent you told them> already?

I didnt know you hadnt.

kiwisbird · 20/02/2004 20:56

Heartfelt, mentioning you kept it from them as you were struggling to deal with it yourself.
I am aure if they are normal parents their love and owrry for you wil overcome they "why didn't you tell us" mentality
When I was assaulted years ago by psycho boyf, mum was full of I told you so's, but at the time it happened she flew to be by my side and helped me through court too.
Trust in them, they'll be there for you
Ps Congrats on your independence
xx J

Original poster
sb34 · 21/02/2004 00:07

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
suzywong · 21/02/2004 12:10

Dear SB
You don't have to mention anything you don't want to, you are an adult and it is a private reltationship.
You could use phrases like negative, intolerable, upsetting, no longer behaving like a gentleman. Give them one euphemism you think they can understand and leave it at that for now.
IMHO I think the vital thing is that you get across that you had no choice but to make this decision and now you need them to support you in that decision.

Remember how far you have come
xxxxx

Original poster
sb34 · 01/03/2004 19:11

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
squirmyworm · 01/03/2004 19:16

hugs sb - you've done the right thing. It's over with now - she'll get used to it - must have been a shock for her. Have a nice big glass of wine and treat yourself to a bit of pampering - nice hot bath? special treat for dinner?

GeorginaA · 01/03/2004 19:17

WELL DONE!!!

hugs

GeorginaA · 01/03/2004 19:17

Oh, I second the large glass of wine and pampering, you really deserve it.

lilibet · 01/03/2004 19:21

Well done you!!

xxxxxx

LIZS · 01/03/2004 19:21

Well done, that must have been so hard. Perhaps when the shock has passed she will have a chance to reflect upon what you have said. Is she likely to talk to your sister and find out a little more from her as regards the timescales? Could you follow it up with a letter just to make it clear that a reconciliation is not on the cards and not to pressure you about it.

I'm sure this is a really strange moment emotionally for you but I really admire your guts.

((hugs))

sobernow · 01/03/2004 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherinferior · 01/03/2004 20:07

Get the booze out, girl. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

suzywong · 01/03/2004 20:12

Big knee squeeze and sigh of relief.
What a big step, only smaller ones to go from now on

sis · 01/03/2004 20:36

Oh well done, that must have been really hard - from what you've said about their likely reaction, I think she was supportive in her own way as it must have been a real shock to her. I'm glad you did it as it must have been awful for you when they didn't know.

Galaxy · 01/03/2004 20:38

message withdrawn

crystaltips · 01/03/2004 21:05

Well Done you ! It must have been very hard .... However I am sure that your Mum will have time to collect her thoughts and come to terms with it in her own mind ....

Like most Mums .... I am sure she just wants the best for you.

I think that "that" generation can't really fathom how us women might be able to cope without a man ...

Good for you .... and we are here for you .... A force to be reckoned with

fisil · 01/03/2004 21:19

Well done. I'm not surprised at how you say you feel - I'm sure you'll feel shakey for days. Well done.

lou33 · 01/03/2004 21:35

Put your cd on, have a big drink and be proud of yourself SB!

spacemonkey · 01/03/2004 21:38

Well done sb ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

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