An I being fair to say this?

[workwhatwork]

I've told my boyfriend its over, there is a long, long history of him treating me like absolute shit, he's made no commitment in nearly 5 years of being together, he lies almost for sport.

I've explained in length my reasons for wanting to end it, he's made no attempt to put anything right, just keeps saying he can't accept it, we had plans for the weekend, but he's not actually addressing any of the things that I'm deeply unhappy about.

I've told him to let me know when he would like to collect his things and I will bag them up, leave them outside and make sure I'm not in. He says I'm being unfair, why should he have to collect them, I should post them.
I don't particularly see why I should pay ££ to post his crap when he could quite easily collect it. Besides I can't imagine he's too bothered about the few old t shirts he's left, as he makes sure he never leaves anything he cares about at mine. I've said if he doesn't arrange to collect it by next week I will bin it as I don't want it hanging over my head for the next month.

I haven't bothered to list all of the stunts he's pulled over the years but I've had a few threads on here over the last few months and I don't think anyone would say I'm not justified in breaking up, I've tried to ring him to speak but he just ignores me.

Too right he should collect his stuff, if he refuses just bin it all!

Sorry AM I being fair that should have said. To say collect he's things or they're going in the bin.

He says if I really meant it I'd post them but I just think this is ridiculous.

its his stuff he needs to come get it. hes trying to exert control over you ignore any further contact unless its him saying " ill collect my stuff at x time".

Yes-your bring fair !!

Your ex is a grown up who needs to take responsibility for his own crap.

Sounds like your well rid!

Good luck.

I know I probably sound a bit hard faced, but I'm not, I guarantee I will come of worse out if this as my boyfriend doesn't seem capable of human emotion. He'll no doubt miss the convenience of a girlfriend, but I doubt he'll feel as deeply as I will.

I'm just sick of it, I've been lonely in the relationship the whole time. I'm at the age where I would like to make commitments, we've been together long enough, but I can't even trust him to do something next month let alone have a future together. I'm miserable in so many ways and I'm sure that being alone would be preferable to being lonely and miserable in a relationship.

Cheer up. He's not your boyfriend anymore. This is good news. Bin it, and never speak to the prick again.

All's fair in love and war :) Good luck and bin the t-shirts. Or do what I did and sell the more collectible leavings on E-Bay...

I'd tell him his belongings are in a sealed waterproof bag on the curtilage of your premises and that if they aren't collected by x date, you will dispose of them. If you've got a porch or a storage box thingy to put them, even better. But don't post anything back to him. You are being entirely fair and reasonable.

The great thing is, he doesn't have to accept it. He doesn't have to agree. Just give him a reasonable deadline before you dump it in the skip.

If he left the things at yours because you asked to borrow them, maybe you do have a bit of a moral (but not legal!) obligation to return them in a manner that does not inconvenience the rightful owner. But if he just left a load of stuff round at yours and can't be arsed to fetch it, that's tough!

If he doesn't have time or is afraid you'll shoot at him through the window he can get a mate to pick it up for him.

Of course you're being fair. It's his responsibility because it's his stuff.

Tell him when they're ready for collection. He can do it himself, inveigle a friend or send a courier.

Thanks, I would actually feel horrible binning his stuff. I feel horrible about the whole thing. But I think asking him to collect it at a time he chooses when I'm not in is the easiest way. Perhaps the grown up thing to do would be to just post it all.

I feel dreadful. He's told me he was living with me, I don't think staying over 5 nights out of 7, while you still have your own place which you bugger off to when you're fed up constitutes as living together.

He's told me I don't really want to get married, I just want a bit of paper.

He's told me whatever he does ill never be happy, even though nothing has actually changed in the last almost 5 years.

It's my fault he can't get his house in a rentable condition because I don't support him.

I can assure you that he would be at no risk of me shooting at him! I would leave them outside packed up and make sure that I was out at the time. He has plenty of time. He says if I mean it I'll post it, ok I could but don't see the point in paying postage when he can so easily pick it up. All he seems interested in is telling me how wrong and unfair I'm being.

I'm just so tired, all I see is my life drifting away and hopes I had coming to nothing.

"He says" an awful lot of bullshit, doesn't he?

No, the grown-up thing is not to allow yourself to be manipulated into spending money unnecessarily on mailing a load of second-hand T-shirts. He had no difficulty getting round to your place when it suited him.

The other thing you could do is bill him for storage.

No he never leaves anything of great value. There's a few work t shirts, as in the old scruffy ones which get relegated to work tops, a jacket that he has not worn for about a year, a phone charger but he does have another, and maybe a can of lynx. And it would be no great inconvenience for him to pick it up. I doubt that he even wants or cares about any if it but its just something to use against me.

You're right Annie, trouble is he won't collect it. And while its here he can just keep repeating that if I meant it I'd post it.

Do you know, as irritating as it is, I would post it to him.

He should come and collect it, he is being a twat. But I would send it recorded/signed for delivery.

Worth every penny.

That's what I'm kind of thinking Pagwatch. It is irritating and pointless though.

But most things he does/says are though.

He says he's not a bad person and has done nothing wrong, I haven't gone into detail but if I did I'm sure that no one would disagree that he has done some of the most cruel, nasty and manipulative things you'd have ever heard.

He says I'm just reeling things off a life list and that there's no rules on how you should live. True, but I'm not reeling off a life list, I'm hoping for the basics such as living together to share, life, a future, finances.

He said he'd rather be together 20 years and be happy than buy a house together, get married and end up divorced in 20 years. Is it just me or is there no sense in that logic, in that why should it mean we'd be miserable and divorced in 20 years, as opposed to happy if we stay as we are.

The trouble is I feel as though he's just keeping me going until he makes his mind up/meets someone else.

And in the meantime I very often get trampled over and treated like dirt.

Would it fit in a small package you can stuff in a post box (rather than having to go to the post office counter), then you could just put a single 2nd class stamp on it and he'll get a card through his door saying there's a parcel for collection at the post office due to insufficient postage and he will have to pay the balance of the postage charge plus an extra £1 admin fee.

Hmm - see your last post sounds like you are not really done with him.

I wonder if he is right . You are not sending his stuff back because you are not actually finished.

It's a no brainier. If you are done send his stuff back, block his number etc.

Please tell me that hell would have to freeze over, twice, for you to consider getting back with him, no matter what he says?

He's done a number on you in the past - please stop listening to his utter bullshit.

I would send it, by courier, to his work on Monday. Job done. It'll cost you a little bit of money, but unless that means going without food or electricity then just do it. It will be worth every penny not to have to speak to him, see him or have any more 'if you meant it, you'd post it' texts off of the prat.

You will be better off - just say away from him.

I could certainly fit it into a couple of small packages.

I don't know I keep flitting between posting it, bagging it up and putting it in the shed and send a text saying its ready for collection, and putting it out for the rubbish.

The truth if he probably doesn't give a toss about the things that are here, and probably thinks I don't mean any of it.

It's not that honestly Pag, I just think its so pointless. Us finishing isn't dependent on some t shirts. But if people think its the most sensible thing to do then I will.

I remember one of your recent threads, he is a complete arse.

Don't feel even a tiny bit bad for him. As Annie says he doesn't have to 'accept it', you just do this and he has to deal with it.

Can you bag it up and put it outside next to the rubbish. Then text him and tell him it is next to the rubbish bin, please collect it before the rubbish is next collected or you will just stick it in the bin.

Ok. But it's not pointless if it sends a clear message and stops the truly pointless 'you don't really mean it ' 'yes I do' interaction.

Block his phone too won't you?
He honestly is just filling time with you.

Of course he doesn't want the stuff.

Of course finishing isn't dependent on you sending the stuff.

However, it means the end of his stupid text messages and you will have his shit out of your place. Job done. Probably all for under a tenner.

Don't post the lynx though if it's aerosol. Put that in the bin.