Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

An I being fair to say this?

67 replies

workwhatwork · 12/10/2013 10:40

I've told my boyfriend its over, there is a long, long history of him treating me like absolute shit, he's made no commitment in nearly 5 years of being together, he lies almost for sport.

I've explained in length my reasons for wanting to end it, he's made no attempt to put anything right, just keeps saying he can't accept it, we had plans for the weekend, but he's not actually addressing any of the things that I'm deeply unhappy about.

I've told him to let me know when he would like to collect his things and I will bag them up, leave them outside and make sure I'm not in. He says I'm being unfair, why should he have to collect them, I should post them.
I don't particularly see why I should pay ££ to post his crap when he could quite easily collect it. Besides I can't imagine he's too bothered about the few old t shirts he's left, as he makes sure he never leaves anything he cares about at mine. I've said if he doesn't arrange to collect it by next week I will bin it as I don't want it hanging over my head for the next month.

I haven't bothered to list all of the stunts he's pulled over the years but I've had a few threads on here over the last few months and I don't think anyone would say I'm not justified in breaking up, I've tried to ring him to speak but he just ignores me.

OP posts:
BasilBabyEater · 12/10/2013 15:43

Tell him he's got 3 weeks to collect it and then it's going in the bin.

It's your fault he hasn't got his flat ready to be rented? Presumably because you haven't scrubbed it clean for him?

Jesus you're well shot of him, aren't you. Congratulations on dumping his sorry arse.

Original poster
workwhatwork · 12/10/2013 15:44

He is an arse Matilda.

I mean it, but he knows I don't mean it, mean it. Iyswim? He knows I'm not beyond being persuaded, either by his usual tactic of begging and promising that things will change, or by plan b which is usually to blame me for everything, rubbish and ignore everything I say until I question myself so much I start to believe I'm in the wrong.

But the stuff really is neither here nor there, as I know he doesn't care about it, and I know it would be no trouble to him to pick it up. But I'm swaying more towards just posting it.

OP posts:
Original poster
workwhatwork · 12/10/2013 15:54

The house situation basil, well he bought a house about 1.5 years into our relationship, I felt that we'd be better to live together for a while and then buy together, but he didn't want to know, said he wasn't ready etc. I accepted it and waited around for a year while he spent every single weekend doing the place up, gutting it, knocked down walls, new bathroom the lot. In the meantime I daren't even ask him to have a day out as I'd get my head bitten off, I played the dutiful girlfriend making him homemade curries ready for when he came over to my place on the night. All the time thinking I'd give things time.

Nothing has changed now other than his house sits empty 5 nights a week while he's at mine, nothing at all has been invested into my home, he struggles to help me paint a room. And now he says he wants to rent his place out, but its going to ruin as there's no one there. It just needs a few weekends spent fixing a few bits, sorting out the garden but apparently it's my fault. The way I see it is he got stuck in when he wanted to. Oh and in the meantime he's made himself a bit more comfy, new tv, tv cabinet, says to me he's no intentions if renting it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
workwhatwork · 12/10/2013 15:57

And chipping and Pag you're right I think, what's a few quid on postage if it sends the right message?

OP posts:
Lavenderhoney · 12/10/2013 16:03

Do you have a car? Put it all in a bin bag and drop it round his house in the night. Leave it on his doorstep. Or go in a taxi.

Or leave it round his mums.

It won't cost much to send it second class, but he might pretend he didnt get it etc etc and annoy you.

Original poster
workwhatwork · 12/10/2013 16:16

Yep I drive, so dropping it over is another option. Didn't really want to drive over as I'd end up getting upset.

As much as it annoys me I think I'll just post it Monday, my mum reckons you can get a courier cheaper than Royal Mail and more secure so ill perhaps do that.

OP posts:
sebsmummy1 · 12/10/2013 16:58

Been there, done that, walk away.

I met my DP after I had messed around with my ex for near on two years. Although he wasnt cruel, he knew I wanted a family, commitment and he had left that life behind him and didn't want it again. So he fed me line upon line to keep me hooked until finally, after two false starts, I walked!!

Upshot is a lovely DP and a beautiful 11 month old son. About to move into our first mortgaged home together next month and I am happy. Ex? No idea, probably still living with his mother.

RandomMess · 12/10/2013 17:04

Why do you care what he thinks, what he says. Collect plus is a cheap courier.

Block his phone number stop texting him, he has been yanking your chain all along, you are now young free and single time to start living again.

Original poster
workwhatwork · 12/10/2013 17:05

Oh Sebs that's great, I really hope there's good things waiting for me beyond this.

I don't think that I'm asking for anything unreasonable, or to do it all at once, but he won't even take the first step. That's besides all the other stuff.

It's hard to imagine meeting someone else but I'm sure that in the long run even being alone will be preferable to this?

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 12/10/2013 17:07

You really want him to talk you around don't you.

:(

RandomMess · 12/10/2013 17:08

No you're not being unreasonable, but he isn't a reasonable person.

You aren't ever going to have a fulfilling relationship with him so better to give yourself the opportunity to meet someone else.

Pagwatch · 12/10/2013 17:10

Yep.
You are not done. You are waiting for him to change your mind.

I hope I'm wrong because he sounds like a twat and he isn't that bothered about you. But you are humming and fussing about the parcel because you are waiting for him to talk you round.

Original poster
workwhatwork · 12/10/2013 17:12

No I don't chipping, it's just I do come back to questioning myself and my own judgement, when he says he's nice, not so bad, it's all me making unfair and unreasonable demands of him.

The sane part of me knows, or else I wouldn't be doing and saying this. But I still question myself and look for reassurance from others.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 12/10/2013 17:14

If it helps..
He is going to move on. He will dump you and find someone he cares about enough to move in with and plan a future with.

He is neve going to committ because why should he? He will treat you like crap, not make a single gesture towards a proper relationship and you will accept that. If I , over the Internet, know that you are going o let him back then of course he knows that. So why change?

He treats you like shit, takes you for granted because he knows he can.

Original poster
workwhatwork · 12/10/2013 17:15

He will try anyway though Pag, I think more I am waiting and hoping that he'll just say 'you know what work, you're right, we want different things' agree to just call it a day, it would give me closure and peace of mind.

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 12/10/2013 17:15

Well, consider yourself told (on several threads!!) that HE is 'that bad' he is NOT 'nice' - it is NOT you. He's a selfish, whiney, pathetic specimen who blames you for anything and everything he's not happy about. He's using you & you are letting him. So damn well stop it.

Original poster
workwhatwork · 12/10/2013 17:19

Pag I suppose because I think that a person wouldn't string someone along for years, would just admit you're not the one and leave me be. But instead my feeble attempts to end things are usually met with either begging, pleading and promising or blaming me and making out I'm crazy. And this has gone on for years.

Wouldn't he just go and find the one he does want?

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 12/10/2013 17:19

You do NOT need his approval to break up with him.

You do NOT need him to admit he's a waste of space.

He will not give you ^^ because he's using you and if you stop him doing that he will have to cook his own meals, buy his own food, pay more electricity, not have an easy fuck partner when he's in the mood (sorry, but true). Why would he agree that you should split up - he's currently onto a good thing.

RandomMess · 12/10/2013 17:19

He will not give you closure or peace of mind because he doesn't give a rats arse about you when it comes to it.

Please see him for what he is. Bin his stuff, block his phone and if he whinges send him a £10 to cover the value of the stuff in the bin!

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 12/10/2013 17:21

Right now he's happy to have you do his cooking/cleaning/fucking, but one day he might just meet someone and you would just be ignored - why wait for this??

RandomMess · 12/10/2013 17:23

Everything what chipping says.

He is too lazy to go out and find "the one" perhaps he has no intention of ever committing to anyone so whilst he has you to do everything for him why bother finding someone else!

Original poster
workwhatwork · 12/10/2013 17:23

Don't mince your words guys! Maybe I need to hear this although you are making me think fuck wasting a penny sending his junk back it's bin day Monday, new phone number too, new start.

OP posts:
MissStrawberry · 12/10/2013 17:23

Why do you want commitment from a twat who treats you like shit?

He doesn't have to agree it is over, it just is. Unless you keep seeing him and talking to him Hmm.

Stop waiting for permission to stop being with him. Stop assuming he is in charge of you.

Pagwatch · 12/10/2013 17:28

Everything Chipping said.

He won't say 'actually you are not the person I adore so go off and be free' because he is selfish, idle and frankly you'll do for now.

And why does that even matter?
He's not good enough for you. You deserve someone who wants to share their life with you, who wants to wake up with you everyday and plan for all the great things to come in the future.

And someone who loves you and respects you and wants to bring you a cup of coffee in bed every morning won't come near you because you are with that dick.

Matildathecat · 12/10/2013 17:28

Yes, do post it.

Straight into the local recycling bin.

God, he sounds a piece of work. Collect in the next x days, from the doorstep or a- posting you will be.