16 months and counting...

[Kk101]

It's been 16 months since my partner has touched me. I had a miscarriage last year and so when I got pregnant this time round we were scared to have sex. However we now have a 5 month old DD and still nothing. He says its because we're so tired but I've spoken to him many times about how it bothers me that he doesn't seem interested. I'm already depressed about the changes to my body and worry that he simply doesn't see me in the same way - I think he now merely sees me as mum to his baby! I understood for a whole but its been so long now!

I'm sorry about the miscarriage and congratulations on your new baby. It's really not acceptable for your DP to be not interested in resolving this. He may not be able to pinpoint what's wrong exactly, and there's clearly some kind of irrational fear about sex been going on, but he should be bothered about it at the very least.

When you say 'not touched' are you affectionate as a couple still? Sex aside, do you have physical contact like kissing, hugging or holding hands?

Yes he is quite affectionate still - we do hold hands and hug - although I tend to have to ask for hugs. He does kiss me goodbye and tell me he loves me. I don't doubt his love and affection for me I'm just not convinced he sees me 'like that' anymore - which I fully understood for a whole but its been too long for me not to be paranoid now.

I wouldn't assume this is about the way he sees you. Something as traumatic as a miscarriage can have long-reaching consequences. Were you offered grief counselling as a couple? If he's affectionate and says he loves you, that's encouraging. Difficult with a very small baby but is there any chance you can get a day/weekend off the pair of you, go somewhere and properly talk? Eliminate 'tired' from the equation and see what the real problem is?