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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this all ok

69 replies

Imdoingthis · 05/10/2013 18:29

I'm struggling with reality
My children don't want to see their dad they refused today aged 12 10 6 they tell me he shouts at them hits my ten year old around back of his head, there's so much, there's a contact order in place for fri tea time - sat tea time and midweek 1 1\2 hours
My dc won't go baby cries hes two hes had bruises in two occasions I took him GP on first time second time was in six weeks hols I called my hv she said take him GP refused to visit me,
I fear when they don't go because hes screwing I just want them to go so he don't kick off [ sad]
When I was in the relationship I wanted out was with him 16 years was very young.

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 05/10/2013 18:46

Time to find your inner lioness I'd say. They're telling you he hits them, you've seen bruises on a 2 year old twice. That's all illegal. Go and see a solicitor, and arrange for contact to be supervised (there are contact centres for that but I'm not sure how you access them). He can kick off all he likes, he's not allowed to see them unsupervised. Protect yourself, if he has a key change the locks, if you really think he'll get violent when he comes round, alert the police on 101. Roar for your children.

Original poster
Imdoingthis · 05/10/2013 18:58

There's a back story I have name changed theres a thread on here I don't know to link

OP posts:
Original poster
Imdoingthis · 05/10/2013 19:53

It's all mixed up as its ok or we will get through it but deep down I know its not right

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 05/10/2013 19:56

Call the police.

Your children have told you that they are being assaulted, anything less makes you culpable in their abuse (and they ARE being abused).

Call them now.

cjel · 05/10/2013 19:59

You need to stop visits, You are responsible to your children not your ex.. get hv and gp to help you have supervised access. Be strong and protect your babies. They are telling you they're being abused. don't ignore.

WhiteandGreen · 05/10/2013 20:00

You want them to put up with this just so your ex won't kick off?

Original poster
Imdoingthis · 05/10/2013 20:04

No I don't want them to put up with anything but I feel scared if they say their not going because I know what what's coming

OP posts:
Offred · 05/10/2013 20:04

Not sure what this business about the GP is?

Do you mean the GP refused to do a home visit? Why wouldn't you bring the baby to the surgery?

Why are you pushing your children to visit a man they are telling you is abusing them and who you believe has battered your infant?

Are you in contact with women's aid?

You need to contact the police and/or social services about this. No sense going to the GP about it.

kotinka · 05/10/2013 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 05/10/2013 20:06

If he is assaulting them then he will be arrested and kept from contacting any of you.

You dont have to put up with this.

what do you think he will do if they dont go?

Original poster
Imdoingthis · 05/10/2013 20:11

I wish I could link the old thread

When my baby first come back with bruises I took him to his GP
Second time he come back with bruises I had all 7 off school I thought if I take him GP with all my other kids he will find out so I called my hv told her bit she refused to come out said I should go GP

I have been in contact with wa in past

OP posts:
mrspicklepants · 05/10/2013 20:13

What if he hits your two year old a bit harder next time and its the police who inform u? he is not to be trusted with your precious children.

kotinka · 05/10/2013 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 05/10/2013 20:24

Oh I see.

I don't think you need to be going to the GP. There is not much the GP can do.

As I see it you need support for yourself from WA so you can be strong enough to protect your dc.

You also need to give the responsibility for standing up to him and for the dc to other agencies who will help like the police and social services.

At the moment you are playing a dangerous game of complicity in his abuse of them, I understand it is because you are still feeling the effects of his abuse of you, but your children will not thank you for not standing up for them.

Original poster
Imdoingthis · 05/10/2013 20:25

He harass me if they don't go

OP posts:
Offred · 05/10/2013 20:27

Harassment is an offence and the police can keep him away from you if you let them/ask them to.

Fact is you believe he is beating your infant and leaving bruises and your other children have told you as much.

Offred · 05/10/2013 20:29

And I don't mean to scare you but as a parent you are considered to have a duty of care to your children. Not reporting/taking steps to protect your children/being complicit in abuse can potentially see you on criminal charges of abuse/neglect yourself and could end up with you losing care due to a failure to protect the dc.

Original poster
Imdoingthis · 05/10/2013 20:35

It is my thread yes
My first name before I changed was yellow tang :(

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Original poster
Imdoingthis · 05/10/2013 20:38

My thread was called
Is this a normal relationship

OP posts:
Original poster
Imdoingthis · 05/10/2013 20:40

Offred I understand what your saying
I feel so powerless so lost

OP posts:
Offred · 05/10/2013 20:45

I know and I think you really need to get all the support you can from outside agencies. It must be so difficult for you, so many children and such an abusive man :(

cjel · 05/10/2013 20:46

you need to feel in control again, my lovely, ring WA and have a chat with them, they will have advise on what your next steps could be and you won't feel so powerless then.

Offred · 05/10/2013 20:46

There are mechanisms that can protect you, sometimes you need to push to get the protection and support you need and that is really hard but there is support there. You need to make sure you get it.

Original poster
Imdoingthis · 05/10/2013 20:49

I'm always ignoring his behaviour brushing it aside but he's getting worse, I struggle with saying how it really is to people like wa I'm going to try though

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