I discovered telephone records that showed thousands of texts he'd been sending to the OW over a period of 18 months - it was the first thing I knew that far from 'feeling like he'd won the lottery with me', 'had never been so happy in his life' 'I was the best thing that ever happened to him' 'there could be no other woman for him, but me' he was actually texting this OW even as he told me those lies! It started just one month after we returned from honeymoon! She worked at his office and came to the wedding! I didn't know her, but she wouldn't even look me in the eye - and for ffs you couldn't miss who I was - I was wearing the big FO dress! So despite him swearing on his daughters grave I still don't believe something wasn't going on even before the wedding. Absolutely agree, the problem here was with H - he was the one who had an obligation to me and his promises - but she knew he was a married man - she came to the wedding! For 2 years exH swore they were nothing but 'friends' and nothing had gone on! Huh! I couldn't believe him - if she was such a close friend how come I'd never heard of her? His constant changing stories just didn't add up either - only after he'd 'left me' (came back many times afterwards) for not trusting him and 'looking sad' did he finally confess they'd had sex - so for 2 years I was gaslighted and punished for being so unkind to him!?! My head was wrecked (still is tbh). I contacted OW with 1 phone call on the night I found telephone records (called her a f-ing whore - undignified I know, but hey! why should I have been the only one behaving to script - and being the, above all, quiet suffering victim) and then I sent her two texts (after he finally fessed up to it being more than a 'few flirty texts') asking her to please tell me the truth. There were only two people in that whole sordid episode who knew what had happened and the one who should have been telling me what had been going on had been lying to my face forever! He drip fed what he would decide the story was this week / day / hour / minute and I was constantly being 'ambushed' by new revelations! He admitted he pursued her and he told me he did it to 'teach her a lesson'!!!!! I was given no room to recover from having the ground pulled out from under my life and I NEEDED to know what the bloody truth was! For the poster who said a while back that the OP should threaten this wife with prosecution for harrassment! - what legal address can the wife take against the two people who knowingly set out to ruin her life??? A few angry texts, if that's actually what they were - and not a plea for the truth - is NOTHING compared. I know this OP has suffered now, and I am sorry for her, she is at least remorseful about her part in this clusterfuck (and believe me, I totally appreciate how relentless my exh can be when he has set his sights on someone/something he wants - and it sounds like the OP met someone very, very like my exh) - but I really feel I need to stick up for this poor wife who is 'harrassing' the OW - my personal experience is this is a bloody nightmare no one would ever, ever want to go through and if she was married to a man like my exH he'll never have told her the truth, fessed up, or been truly remorseful for the pain he had caused her. I never lost sight of the fact that my exH was the biggest st, with at least 75% of the responsibility - but the OW is also responsible for allowing herself to behave the way she did. I'm 50 and, in my single years, had lots of 'love affairs' but I'm proud to say I never, ever had anything to do with a married man - that was my moral choice - and even if not as noble as that, how can you ignore the truth of 'marry a man who cheated on his wife and you've married a man who'll cheat on his wife!'
Sorry that was such a rant - apologies - just connecting to my long-suppressed anger there! :-D OP - I agree with everyone who advises you that we all make mistakes (of course that's true), and it is terrific (really) that you have shown remorse for the impact on your H and the MM's wife - it shows you have a soul and probably got caught up with something you might have thought was 'harmless' and 'controllable' at the beginning. You don't sound like someone who thought they'd just do what they wanted to do and 'who gives a fk who gets hurt while you get it' - but you must (and not just for the sake of the MM's W) NEVER contact the MM again (and make sure you're not 'open' to any contact he might make. Would you really like to hear he'd been telling his wife that 'he never liked you anyway', 'thought you thought too much of yourself' and 'wanted to teach you a lesson'? Because this is what I heard about the OW from my exH - another 'truth' he swore on his daughter's grave about.
Sorry - rant mode again!!!!
Love and peace to all (now where are my tranquillisers????) :-D