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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

pain in my chest

106 replies

sssosad · 29/09/2013 10:07

I've been alone for 6 weeks after my husband of 32years left me. I'm in a state of horror and stunned unreality. I have no children at home and no relations closer than 80miles away. Moved to the middle of nowhere - 5 miles from a village - 10 years ago with the idea of saving money(!) and working less. Didn't really have a clear plan except that my partner is bipolar and we thought this would be less stressful.

I am finding the days passing so incredibly painful I can hardly eat/sleep or even breathe properly. This site has been amazingly helpful.

OP posts:

Report

FavoriteThings · 07/10/2013 11:21

I suppose it doesnt matter if you cry in front of him. Think you have to be and need to be the one in control fo the situation, no matter whether he is being reasonable or unreasonable. It needs to be all baout you now regardless of anything else. You need control of your own life for you. YOu have been frogotten along the way, by him and also by yourself. So if you cry, so what? If you dont cry, again, so what? You can do anything and be anything.
If he gets supportive, so what? Nice, but it doesnt change a thing , does it.

FavoriteThings · 07/10/2013 11:22

You need to invest in yourself. Sounds selfish, but it is not. It is very necessary. What do you want your life to be like in a year's time?

sssosad · 07/10/2013 15:48

not like this! he's been here for 4 hrs now.....

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/10/2013 15:50

Why 4 hours?

sssosad · 07/10/2013 15:50

fug nose

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/10/2013 15:51

This is an opportunity to be in control. Tell him to leave.

sssosad · 07/10/2013 15:51

crying and talking and on and on and on. He's gone to get more cigarettes to keep on going...

OP posts:

sssosad · 07/10/2013 15:52

i know....

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/10/2013 15:55

Just tell him to piss off. Seriously. What are you.. his therapist? .. his mother?... his all-purpose shoulder to cry on? He has shat on you from a great height, left you reeling, damn near suicidal, three stone lighter and ... what?... he still thinks you're his friend?

Find the ... stop letting him torment you.

FavoriteThings · 07/10/2013 15:57

Agree with Cogito. Enough is enough. Show him the door.

FavoriteThings · 07/10/2013 15:59

Actually, dont let him back through the door.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/10/2013 16:05

"crying and talking and on and on and on."

Self-indulgent bollocks... Have you any respect left for this person and his crocodile tears? Don't you despise him for being so pathetic?

cjel · 07/10/2013 18:32

Oh dear , did you let him back after he'd been out. Is it you or him crying? He needs to realise that you are not together anymore and he needs to do all this discussing with someone else. You are speding far too much time with him for your own good OP. He doesn't want you and is just using you

sssosad · 08/10/2013 01:09

he wants to work it out. shell shocked.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2013 06:51

I hope you're OK this morning OP.

FavoriteThings · 08/10/2013 08:04

Not sure what to write. I saw Cogito had posted, and I was hoping she had written more than she did! As she has more experience of this than me, from a certain pov anyway.

I noticed you posted this at 1am. Is this because you couldnt sleep. Or is he maybe still there? Not being nosy. Maybe you have talked for many hours?

I am a bit stunned myself. I am a bit concerned about the situation and for you tbh.

FavoriteThings · 08/10/2013 08:08

Perhaps the ow has kicked him into touch?
I have been wondering from this thread, and the last one, whether he is one of those men who always has to have a girlfriend or wife. I know two men like this. They go into an absolute panic if they dont have a woman interested in them, for more than two weeks. Though once they get the woman, they seem to be generally trustworthy to them. Fear of losing one maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe they just then become content.

FavoriteThings · 08/10/2013 08:09

Another theory. Perhaps you and the ow are good at persuading. Can I ask,[you dont have to answer], is did you try and subtly try and persuade him to come back?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2013 08:13

Sadly, I know what it's like when you feel so wretched and alone that, when the not-quite-ex-yet holds out some olive branch, you desperately want everything to go back to normal. And yet, even if you take the olive branch, you know things will not be normal. So, whatever happened, I just hope the OP is OK today.

cjel · 08/10/2013 09:55

Morning OP. Thinking of you this morning. Remember what he wants doesn't have to be what you want as well.

Whatnext074 · 08/10/2013 20:24

sssosad - I'm guessing yesterday was emotionally draining. How are you today?

sssosad · 08/10/2013 20:49

not sure quite what's going on....just taking it conversation by conversation...day by day...he's told Janine it's all over and he's not going to see her agine. He's going to go on living in his flat while we talk. He has never done anything like this in 32yrs...so I think I have to reserve judgement for a few days at least.....I feel stronger, but scared.....

OP posts:

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2013 20:54

Glad you're feeling stronger. How you play this now will determine how your life proceeds from here. Start as you mean to go on.

Whatnext074 · 08/10/2013 21:00

Stay strong and thinking of you

Twinklestein · 08/10/2013 21:31

Thinking of you (and damsons) x

Flip

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