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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

pain in my chest

106 replies

sssosad · 29/09/2013 10:07

I've been alone for 6 weeks after my husband of 32years left me. I'm in a state of horror and stunned unreality. I have no children at home and no relations closer than 80miles away. Moved to the middle of nowhere - 5 miles from a village - 10 years ago with the idea of saving money(!) and working less. Didn't really have a clear plan except that my partner is bipolar and we thought this would be less stressful.

I am finding the days passing so incredibly painful I can hardly eat/sleep or even breathe properly. This site has been amazingly helpful.

OP posts:
cjel · 04/10/2013 14:07

You did nothing to deserve any of this and mustn't think that you have. The only thing you have been is too kind and too supportive of giving your life to someone who didn't take care of you back.
It is the hardest lesson to learn but you can take better care of yourself given half the chance.
Panic attacks will not cause you any harm, they will follow the same pattern and will always end. There is a good helpline called 'no panic' if you want to talk to someone about them - I used to phone and they talked to me while I was going through them.
You will be able to eat to eat again when you have settled, the dog will recover too!!
Just do what you need to look after yourself, you will feel better, and get fed up with feeling low so you will get up to do something.
Try not to worry about how low you feel. A low mood always passes just let it pass through you .x

Original poster
sssosad · 04/10/2013 14:18

thank you for being there

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 04/10/2013 14:21

I'm sorry to hear you're low OP. xx

cjel · 04/10/2013 14:25

trouble is sssosad, I have been thereSad but also come out the other side and risen to a better life than I had ever thought possible.Flowers

Original poster
sssosad · 04/10/2013 14:37

thank you for the flowers

OP posts:
cjel · 04/10/2013 14:42

Grin you DESERVE them!!!!

Original poster
sssosad · 05/10/2013 16:52

trying so hard to be strong

OP posts:
Whatnext074 · 05/10/2013 17:44

I'm thinking of you sssosad. I'm afraid today I can't find words of comfort for you as I know the weekends are probably the hardest to get through and I myself am trying to be strong.

Did it help to talk to the Samaritans?

Just know that someone else is thinking of you and wishing you well.

cjel · 05/10/2013 18:31

Hello my lovely , I am in on my own for the evening again!! Is your H still away is it this weekend you can go out without seeing him or is he back now?x

FavoriteThings · 05/10/2013 18:47

You seem to be having good days[relatively] and bad days through all of this. I suspect that this is perfectly normal. Today seems a bad one. By my calculations, tomorrow should be better! Lets hope so. Thinking of you.

Original poster
sssosad · 05/10/2013 22:36

Spent lots of time in the garden got damsons picked and bottled and plums frozen thanks to loving sister in law. Eaten lots, watch crap movie, walked dog. Sent email to husband in answer to my condition which finished a conversation he was starting.....I did it without realising until I'd sent it. Felt triumphant!
thank you,
(didn't manage pub...but it was a nice idea! just couldn't quite face it)

OP posts:
Original poster
sssosad · 06/10/2013 08:42

Whatnext074 - hope you have something planned for today? sun is shining away up there! (or anyway it is down here? )
Can't help wondering if mornings aren't so crap because of sleeping pills - but so nice to sleep!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/10/2013 08:47

Hope you're OK this morning OP

cjel · 06/10/2013 11:54

Morning OP, sounds like yesterday was lovely. Hope today is just as good for youFlowers

Twinklestein · 06/10/2013 13:37

How I love damsons! I hope you're having a bearable day. x

Original poster
sssosad · 06/10/2013 20:40

just took proper control of a panic attack and stopped it. Huge relief.
Good day, hope you're all having one too....

OP posts:
Whatnext074 · 06/10/2013 21:32

sssosad - sun was shining here too but sadly I almost wish it was raining and gloomy as I live in a beautiful part of the country and I can't face going out and enjoying it. I did have my DM here today though and my DS is home tonight until tomorrow so have company tonight.

You should be so proud that you took control of your panic attack, did you tell yourself to breathe properly? Hope you're giving your dog lots of cuddles.

Thinking of you and looking back to your first post, you are doing so well.

cjel · 06/10/2013 21:52

well done sssosad once you don't fear them they will not be there any more!! Whatnext -sorry you can't face going out. Hears Wine to a good week for all of us.

Original poster
sssosad · 06/10/2013 23:29

Whatnext - it does feel as though the wind should be howling and the rain lashing doesn't it? I feel so stupid to be wishing away these fine October days .....I'll only be 57 once! I want to enjoy it! Tomorrow will be another of them ......let's both try to enjoy it?

Bloody Downton Abbey even had silly Lady Mary bouncing about on the back of a blasted horse regretting not just her stupid husband's death but the loss of who she had been when she was with him. The moment Downton Abbey turns into how I spend my sunday evenings and then CRY at the ghastly plot twists seems to me to resemble the bottom of the pit. Presumably the only way is up?! xx

cjel - I wish I could remember what I did do?!
I broke a favourite dish. It was a small square crude casserole - found it in the garden when we moved here - made by a clever gcse student I imagine. I loved it. I started to howl and scream and the bluegrey cloud came up around me - and then suddenly I was ok again. Annoying not to be able to remember what I did!

OP posts:
Whatnext074 · 06/10/2013 23:36

I don't watch D/Abbey but if you would like a different perspective on it and view it in a different light then you should watch Gogglebox, C4 on Wednesdays. It's pretty much the only thing I pay attention to on TV at the moment and it's about different families watching TV and making comments on the week's TV - sounds dull but it's very entertaining. The posh couple on there making comments about Lady Mary are priceless.

Original poster
sssosad · 06/10/2013 23:46

you're the second person to mention Gogglebox...will do, night night

OP posts:
yegodsandlittlefishes · 06/10/2013 23:46

I want to say something supportive..trying to find the right words and it's late and I am tired...Want to say:

  1. Hope your blood tests show up anything that is wrong.
  2. Hope your doctor takes your pulse and blood pressure. Sometimes the most obvious things can get overlooked these days, when once it was the kind of thing a GP did for every single thing. Anyway, worth asking doc to take pulse etc if hasn't been doing so.
  3. Last but not least... Flowers and Well probably a Brew as it might well be morning by the time you read this! You sound so lovely, OP and a real inspiration. Thank you.
Original poster
sssosad · 07/10/2013 08:43

Phone just rang...I stupidly let him take my car for the weekend...he's got to bring it back...oh god, I don't want my day overwhelmed by this. Couldn't answer the phone.

OP posts:
FavoriteThings · 07/10/2013 09:45

Did you think that it was him on the phone?

I think that as you understandably feel down, it makes everyday things seem frightening and overwhelming. Things that ordinarily you could cope with.

It sooo doesnt help that he lives so local to you. A physical distance between you of perhaps 50 miles or more might help you a lot.

Original poster
sssosad · 07/10/2013 10:47

now just waiting for him to come and I'm scared I'll just cry and be awful.

OP posts: