The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through The Autumn Scenes, Searching For Our Sober Dreams.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :) Welcome to the Bus, (aka Gerald ).

I'm one of the Brave Babes on board this fabulous Bus of travellers, all in search of their sobriety in one form or another.

We have those who drink in moderation, those who have a set pattern of days on and off the booze, and we have posters who have been sober for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years.

There are two lines that the Bus has painted down the side, one on each -

The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement and Alcohol Fosters Inertia

So, if you think you're drinking too much or you're worried about another person, then come find a seat.

We get through our days chatting about all sorts of things, life is, after all, full of plenty of things to fuel our desire to drink, and we're all very different people

However, our common goal is sobriety. :)

The Last Thread

The Reason We're Here - The First Thread

Why good to hear from you fantastic babe Oscar Wilde fan here, love the quote. So glad you are staying positive and hoping you find a way out of the shambles. thinking of you xx
sharp well done on moving in the right direction. As wiser babes than me have said take all the help you can find. You can do this keep moving forward, keep posting brave babe xx
Big wave to guggs you rock 10 months a/f . FANTASTIC
mouse hope you are OK. big hugs x
Sorry not to nc everyone but thinking of you all xx

Day 1 done again and like isindie getting under the duvet to hide from the WW.
Goodnight all, sleep wellx

Sober insomniac here this morning too isinde. Trouble is can't get to sleep until the wee small hours and when its time to get up about 3 hours later could sleep all day

Hi lovelies
Still here still reading... Some amazing inspiration on this board and strong babes x

I'm totally fed up I feel so stuck in a cycle I carnt get out off
On my own with 5 small dc , off school for two weeks no car crap weather no money and no family so getting through each day is so tough youngest gets up at 5am so the days are long I'm lonely too,
Feel guilty for posting when people are going through so much worse
I just need to get off my chest how I'm feeling
Love to you all x

Hello people .

I've been on this thread before (under another name I think). I tend to avoid it when sober because I find it difficult to deal with when there are people still drinking. Not a judgement at all, just my own avoidance issues!

Anyway, after six months of abstinence using Antabuse which was fantastic I find myself back in a bad place and I wondered if anyone had some advice.

dementedma - I believe your brother was in rehab? Can I ask how that was funded & if it was 12 step? I don't have a good history with 12 step & I'm trying to find a non 12 step rehab. I don't have any money though, how do people pay for it? Also, I have a job. What happens to that if I need to take extended time off?

Thanks.

Morning babes, Why I was delighted to see you posting last night, even though I don't "know" you, I was worried about you. The strength you have shown over the last couple of months is amazing and I salute you.
I had a bottle of wine last night in a friends house, no hangover today but am annoyed with myself for not sticking to my guns!

Welcome demonica I believe ma's brother was helped by the Salvation Army (that's why we've formed our on Bus Brass Band in support, with isinde tootling away on the trumpet and me playing the triangle)

Thanks joey. Sally Army is sure to be 12 step isn't it? Are there any scientific based rehabs out there? The only one I could find online looked hugely 'luxurious' ie priced only for seriously rich addicts. Seems the rest of us have to resort to pure will power or a higher power.

I believe there is one called 'Smart' which is like AA but not 12-step.

And there are local support teams which you can be referred to by your GP.

Hi Everyone,

I have been running alongside this Bus since Jesuswhatnext first posted - think maybe it's about time I staggered on.

I have abused alcohol (wine esp) for over 20 years. Yesterday was one of the worst days. DH knows I have a problem (although I have never admitted it to him) he has twice in as many weeks had a go about my drinking, hidden bottles etc - he's not stupid.

I have always been a high functioning alcoholic - I hold down a job, raise 2 toddlers run marathons. Can feel that I'm getting out of control though (been sinking for a while)

He has now given me to the end of the week to get help or marriage over. I don't want to go to GP as I don't want to risk losing my children by being labelled 'alcoholic' especially as he is talking divorce.. He has made it clear he wont leave them with me (Although that didn't seem to bother him when he worked away from home for 2 years and I am the primary carer ). I don't fancy AA as don't have a religious bone in my body and there are no other support meetings round here.

Maybe I can make tomorrow my Day One? (too late for today unfortunately - I am disgusting I know)

Sorry for the long post - I'll shut up now...

mrs welcome! It's crunch time, well done for biting the bullet and posting. Look up SMART they have online and RL meetings.

Have a look for the Soberistas website for online support as well as the bus of course :)

Are you physically dependent? Can you just stop or do you need to taper?

How do I find my Day 1?

Every day is always the last day. Every tomorrow is always Day 1.

Gah, get me off this merrygoround of shit.

Big Love to all you amazing posters x sorry I haven't more to give right now

Hi Green, Not physically dependent - I can go without - didn't have any the night before my last marathon a few weeks back (which felt great!) - just a part of me craves a good old Pinot Grigio too much. Will have a look at SMART thank you.

MrsBennington and Demonica Smart Recovery is an option to AA. There aren't all that many places in UK. If you Google them you'll be able to see if a meeting is near you. A friend of mine tried AA, didn't like it but he found the 'non higher-power' approach of Smart was good for him. He's been sober for months now. Well done both of you for posting.

Mrs please don't feel disgusted with yourself, you are not the only one drinking early. The guilt and general self loathing will make you feel worse. I understand how you feel about going to the doctors. I've had a good experience with my Dr's but it has to be said that others haven't. Do you know/trust your doctor? It really is the best way - but not if you can't trust him/her. Try to think forward, think about tomorrow being day 1, plan for it, look forward to it, make lists of things to do, make sure you do shopping early in the day - when you have resolve, get some good vitamins (the B' ones are good) and I've found (in the past ) that an alternative drink is helpful. Maybe sparkling water with lemon, elderflower - something to put in a glass insead of wine. Also, get something sweet - maybe chocolate - to help you deal with the cravings. Been where you are now and feel for you. Will be thinking of you. Keep posting, the Babes will give you lots of good advice and support. Now DH has placed the cards are on the table you really will have to face this problem. Hugs.

Thanks Purple you are right I do need to face this. Looked at SMART and unfortunately no meetings near here but I'm probably better with on line support anyway (I know what I'm like). I have just tiptoed around this for so long I need to see what it's doing to me, us, my beautiful children. I'm not sure if I can embrace 'forever' wine free but think I need a good while 'off' to give my poor body a rest and maybe gain some perspective.

MrsB That's a shame about the SMART meetings. They are sort of close enough for me but too late in the day for me to get back for the school run (lone parent - 3 children). Try not to think about giving up 'forever' just concentrate on tomorrow, put your energy and resolve into organising and planning tomorrow around anything other than picking up that wine glass. Even if you have to bribe yourself with 'better than yesterday' stuff - i.e. start later, have less, drink water instead. Just try to cajole yourself along as far as you can, five minutes at a time if necessary. The first three days are difficult in that it's a habit but, I find, easier because you are fired up and pretty angry with the booze. Harness that feeling, get angry with that ol' Pinot G, and envisage yourself just having one day off the wine. You've done it before (before the marathon) and therefore it's do-able! The next day, you get up, feeling better and cajole yourself all over again. Just don't look at the 'forever', 'Christmas', 'birthday', 'New Year' scenario at the moment, it won't help you. One Day At A Time. x

There can be no bigger motivator than the threat of losing children. Me & my dh are separating but it may be some time before he moves out, this morning he told me that if I didn't stop drinking he wouldn't be leaving dd2(14) with me. This is nothing short of horrifying, me & dd2 are very close but even I know my drinking is completely unfair to her even though she is almost entirely unaware. I'm not kidding myself there, I function well most of the time & as soon as I am incapable of appearing sober I take myself off to bed & dh takes over. Anyway, that threat this morning is why I'm here today. I simply can't lose her.

I'm disgusting today too so you're not alone. I've tipped the rest down the sink now thankfully.

I did SMART meetings for a few months earlier this year. I think I should go back. I'm incredibly lucky in that there are daily meetings in my city. I just can't see how rehab can work for me with no funds & my job. I can't stop working especially as dh is going to be leaving at some point.

Welcome MrsB

What a great post purple! It sounds like you are feeling a bit more in control of your own battles? How is the devil child this morning?

Demonica I'd go back to SMART if I was you, now, before DH moves out. That will show him (and the authorities - heaven forbid it should get that far) that you are making an effort to help yourself. It will show that you are taking this seriously and taking responsibility for your problem and trying to sort yourself out. They won't take your DD off you just on DH's say so and if you can prove you are trying to change - it will all go in your favour. x

Thanks purple. I will go to a meeting tomorrow, I'm too shaky today but I don't think there's any danger of me drinking any more today. In the meantime I shall read up on some of the tools, I have a whole load of literature under my bed.

Hey there Joey Ah, afraid it's very much 'do as I say and not as I do' here in Purple Towers. Being plagued by the Job Centre to get a job, been on another mindless course. I'm not a snob but when you are sitting side by side with someone who can't spell 'application' on one side and someone that can't even speak English on the other side learning how to write letters - you wonder whether you are in the right place! Having said that, I think getting a job will be the best thing for me. I've too much time to sit at home and drink and nothing to get my brain working. I'm pretty anxious about going back into the workplace - it's been over 12 years - but maybe things should be about me as well for a while, and not just the children. Devil Child has turned into Angel Child!! Won't last but will appreciate it as long as it continues. How's things with you? xxxx

Hello again. I did have a drink last night - shared a bottle of wine with DH. I am planning to not drink tonight. I am not keen on soft drinks in general but I have some chilled Becks Blue alcohol free lager in the fridge which is rather nice.

Mrs B and Demonica - I feel for you both and wish you lots of luck.

I'mdoing - you have a lot on your plate. Keep posting and hopefully some of the lovely people on here will help you to not feel so lonely.

QUick question - do you all use the same name on here as the rest of Mumsnet? I am very aware that with my first post I have given enough info to be recognised IRL anyway. Not sure how I feel about that.

MrsB I was in your position 3 years ago. DH issued the 'stop or you have to leave' card - and I knew he meant it and that I would be the one who would be out of the family. Read a lot about AA but have not followed any rehab or support group/service. Found this Bus on that day and have sat mostly quietly. My initial motivation to stop was not to lose all that family meant to me [fear] and the personal shame of my drinking becoming public. I would be described both then and now as a very together, in control, professional woman! Fear and Shame probably saw me through the first year and a bit of not drinking. I have since had some counselling that enabled me to have a clear understanding of how my 'non social' drinking started and increased over a 10 year period.

Life is better. Relationships are stronger. I don't crave wine as I used to but lurk on the Bus as I don't want to be complacent.
I wish you every success.

Blimey this bus is full to the rafters! I am not even going to try and keep up with all the names but I do want to say a heartfelt welcome to the new posters. The first post is a such big step and brings a chink of hope into view. In many ways the first step is the hardest, saying 'out loud' that things feel out of control. I know I felt very vulnerable and overwhelmed, so well done and I hope you all stay here. .

You babes doing supporting are fabulous