The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through The Autumn Scenes, Searching For Our Sober Dreams.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :) Welcome to the Bus, (aka Gerald ).

I'm one of the Brave Babes on board this fabulous Bus of travellers, all in search of their sobriety in one form or another.

We have those who drink in moderation, those who have a set pattern of days on and off the booze, and we have posters who have been sober for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years.

There are two lines that the Bus has painted down the side, one on each -

The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement and Alcohol Fosters Inertia

So, if you think you're drinking too much or you're worried about another person, then come find a seat.

We get through our days chatting about all sorts of things, life is, after all, full of plenty of things to fuel our desire to drink, and we're all very different people

However, our common goal is sobriety. :)

The Last Thread

The Reason We're Here - The First Thread

Im how much are you drinking. If it would be safe to do so, I think you should not drink for today. You cannot know if it's the alcohol affecting you without either a) stopping drinking or b) going to the gp. If you won't go to the gp that only leaves you with option a.

If you really cannot get through one day without alcohol then you might need to accept that this problem is out of your control. We are all here for you, keep posting, keep trying.

You must start to help yourself, it seems impossible, I know, but it will get easier. Just do one day? One day. Check in with us every hour, or every half hour and lets us know what you're doing. Plan little activities to see you through half hour.

Have a shower, get dressed, have a little something to eat, go out for some fresh air, rest when you can, etc. Keep busy doing small things, make sure you eat because hunger will make you crave alcohol.

Tortoise

AFD yesterday achieved no issue. I do the 5:2 diet so of course I can't drink on fast days, and it's just not even a problem at all; because there's an actual "reason" not to drink on that day, I don't struggle with it. An AFD day just for its own sake, on the other hand, is much trickier. What's that about, then?

I'm so glad you posted this

It was easier on the fast day because you knew you weren't going to drink. Simples.

This is the key to beating the cravings. If you make that decision in the morning that, come what may, there is no way you are going to drink alcohol that day, the wine witch doesn't bother to come aknockin'

The difference is amazing and I challenge anyone to try it. Be absolutely sure that you're not going to drink today. Just tell yourself "I can't" and see the difference. Don't be miserable about it, just have another lovely 'treat' drink instead. The day will soon be over.

This is why antabuse works so well. You really can't drink on it so, job done, decision made, no urge to drink.

Btw babes you won't kill the thread. This bus has been through snowstorms to reach babes in need and it's never broken down. We might slow down a bit as we trundle up some of the steeper slopes but we always catch up with you all x

Why I'm so pleased to hear your news. I'm glad your dh is wading in on your side, it sounds like there is a lot of love and respect in your marriage and soon you'll have your baby boy back. This is ALL because you didn't cave, you didn't sit in the corner and cry and you DID go to AA and you WILL win this battle, fantastic lady xxxx

I'm not being very good at the moment which is why I'm not really posting much. I'm waiting to hear about this job, it's taking it's time to get an offer together and I'm in limbo. I haven't got the handbrake that is dd here and I'm not very well - it all adds up to low resistance for me, sorry not to be inspiring and sorry for the me me. On the other hand, I too have been nominated for a gift, I can't believe it! I didn't know it existed and it made me cry (I know, I know). Thank you whoever that was, really, thank you x

Thanks for your wise words
I have got an app to see my GP soon not sure how much to tell him I worry about my kids

Hi all.

im sorry to hear that you are still struggling. I am around most of the day if you want to chat? I'm no expert but can offer support and time. It may help if you 'talk' on here - in my experience this thread is amazing help and can enable you to be distracted by posting.

Alcohol distorts thoughts and reduces your ability to cope - I've been there and trying my hardest not to go back there. You've managed 9 days af before so you can definitely do it again (unless it's dangerous for you to stop).

Day 4 for me - I will not be drinking today x

Hi ruby

Thanks for that something's changed, I always coap really well I'm normally a good manager of my kids home etc it all feels like its crumbling away

I decided to talk to my GP, he doesn't want me to stop but cut down by two drinks per day for two weeks and go back
I'm on tablets too.

Day fours great well done maybe I can join you soon

im sounds like your GP has been quite supportive so that's brilliant and I'm glad you took the decision to go - I found making the decision to do something about my drinking made me feel much more in control. How you feeling now? Any better? Are you on ADs and how long?

I am pleased about day 4 but am now smoking loads but I guess one thing and one day at a time

And you will be a good manager at home again we all have times when we struggle but we musn't be too hard on ourselves. Remember one day or hour at a time. Be kind to yourself, eat well.

Scaryfaire, I totally agree. But why doesn't it work to tell myself "I will not drink tonight because I have decided not to drink tonight"? I go into a spiral of; well why can't I? Because I might have a problem and therefore need to not drink to show it. But if I didn't have a problem I would just have a glass of wine and not think about it. Most people who had had the day I've had (*side note - there is SUCH a culture of mums with young children joking about getting to wine o'clock!) would have a glass, it's just what you do.

So I don't know how to be sure. If that makes any sense? I mean, I don't know how to wake up and just know I won't drink, because if there's no external reason not to, I'm left with a pathetic "...because maybe I shouldn't..." which doesn't feel like enough.

But! If I could find the answer, I'd be rich, because honestly it wasn't just easier yesterday - it was no issue at all. It was like I was just a person who didn't drink, it genuinely didn't even cross my mind to think of wine. Ex-drinker friends of mine tell me that this is what it's like to give it up; at first, you think about it constantly, but some time later it's just not an issue at all. In times of stress, sure, you might turn to it. But the nightly mental check-in: is there wine in the house? Have I time to swing past a shop? - just fades, it no longer takes up brain space.

I can't imagine it, but I can. And it seems so freeing but also like it'd be a loss. There's a grieving process involved.

Afternoon babes; huge hugs to everyone who is struggling today.
I had my first Wednesday in ages alcohol free, I got my nails done (which for me is a big thing as I have always put looking after myself at the bottom of the list). And today babes I will not be drinking!

Ruby yes I am on AD's he gave me two weeks worth then go back,

Yes one day at a time x

Hi babes, I've been following you all but dealing with so many RL issues, I've not had much time to post. why I'm so pleased for you, you have taken the worst situation any of us could imagine and dealt with it with dignity while showing compassion to others, you are a beacon if hope to other people following this thread. I wonder if, when your all settled as a family again if you could retrain to help others in the same situation, even on a voluntary basis, you seem so kind and generous with us lot, I think this whole appalling ordeal could help you help others!!! thurso your whole world had changed, I know everyone says "it's a new chapter" but like a great book we often like the chapter we've been reading before and change is scary, my Dad said he cryed the day I left home but cried even more when I came back (separated with a baby in tow)!!! You will find your place, be kind to yourself and whilst you didn't get the qualification, you did get the education, and that's yours to keep. I have had wine a few nights this last week, dh was working away and dd was on holiday so the "handbrake" wasn't here and I felt lonely and curious to see if I could, nothing dramatic happened, as before, first half hour feels great then the next 23.5 hours wondering why we indulge in such a crap trade off. Also dry skin skin again and bloated face and whilst no hangovers just a general feeling of YUCK. Love to im stay strong, my lovely buddies, mouse ladame inside and ma and alias and everyone else reading. Life is better without alcohol, this is a FACT, we can do it TOGETHER. Today I will not be drinking xxxx

Baby your words to Thurso almost made me cry because they struck a chord with me!
Im, one day at a time is all any of us can do and someone will always be here to help you through the days.

Tortoise

I think it doesn't work sometimes to just tell yourself you are not drinking tonight because it feels like you are depriving yourself. Then you get all that internal dialogue which will only end with drinking.

I used to bargain with myself - I'll drink tonight but not tomorrow, I'll only have a couple, etc. But once you recognise that that is the wine witch talking, you can start to ignore that voice.

Instead of saying" I'll drink tonight but not tomorrow", try turning that around to "I won't drink tonight but I might tomorrow, if I want to". That way you take control of the here and now and worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

It's much better to say to yourself "I don't want to drink tonight. I have to get up early/have a long drive tomorrow/can't afford it/don't want to make a tit of myself/want to give my body a break from alcohol/whatever...

I can honestly say I don't grieve for a single drink I haven't had. I don't give it another thought. Do I sit here regretting that last Friday I didn't have any booze? Hell, no

Wise words Scary, I still regret the drink (multiple) I had on Friday, would I regret it if I hadn't had a drink, you are right I wouldn't...

Got text from friend today to say she would love some vino this evening, I now need to plan my evening so that I am not tempted to just say "feck it" and head up to her house... because I know I will regret it if I do, but I won't regret it if I don't!

Going to keep repeating that phrase to myself

I really like the 'I don't want to drink tonight but might tomorrow if I want to' cos it makes me feel more in control otherwise I def feel deprived and then start getting annoyed with myself and others around me.

I keep thinking about a conversation a babe put on about an AA member telling another member he was scared that socialising sober he would be boring and the response was "only if your a boring person" I think that's so true, I ended up drinking again because I was bored, sitting in myself with my toddler while dh and dd were away, boredom is a massive trigger for me, I now realise doing interesting things make us interesting people, new hobbies, visit old friends, go to the cinema, take up pole dancing (maybe not). I just wanted to share my thoughts because dark nights make us all stay in more and eat more and drink more. I really don't want to face this Christmas with yet another stone around my hips and from here til then another 70+ bottles of wine through my withered liver. I have spent the lastfew months sober and thought I could "shake things up" with the odd bottle of wine, it's me who needs to shake things up, it's so not cool to be be overweight, so not cool to poison your body and enjoy feeling lightheaded and giddy caused by brain cells dying, I'm back to not drinking again and if it's a tad dull, it's because I am. The WII and XBOX are coming out and will remember that to be healthy, slimmer with swishy hair and clear eyes is definately closer to COOL. Xxxx

Thanks to all the brave babes who support me here, for all the kind words, and encouragement. Its what keeps me going day after day Ladame babyjane mouse soc and isinde etc al

imdoingthis Good for getting in contact with the GP. It seems as though you might have come to a point where you have to admit you need help in quitting. You are on the right track. You said you were worried about your kids in this. How so? Do you think they will be taken away if you admit you have a drinking problem? If you are seeking help, you will keep your kids. And when you get help, you'll be a happier Mum, I promise. Post here or pm anytime. You can and will do this.

indie are you OK? The situation with you and dp is worrying me. What's happening?
Well, the much longed for time is here when dh and Ds have gone to Liverpool for 3 days. I have looked forward to this for so long and what do my hormentals do? Produce the period of death which has been awol for 8 weeks.
I could cry, really I could.

Baby I keep remembering that too. I think my life is just boring, all work and kids. The few interests I has I've lost and im struggling to get back into them. I know drinking does not help, and watching tv whilst drinking is boring, but I can't seem to let it altogether go...

I really want a like button on this page!

So many good things, and so much hope. X

Just checking in.
Day 2 done with difficulty. Will definitely not regret it in the morning though
Someone also nominated me for a secret santa gift and I am truly humbled.
I didn't know there was such a thing or I would have nominated all of you, so many of you have been there for me with wise words and kind words.
I am mostly here with the me me me posts
I LUFFS YOU ALLXX

why thanks so much, I worry any 'slip up' I make plays into his hands and I will lose them to him

Sweet dreams x

Hey sorry to keep jumping on and off the bus without being very supportive. I'm just so on the edge and don't know where to turn. My drinking hasn't slowed down, it's just got worse and worse. I can have maybe one or two (at a stretch) alcohol free days after a particularly heavy binge, but normally it's just a constant flow of alcohol all day. I really hate myself. I feel so Ill right now. I honestly think I might be really Ill or dying. My stomached cramping, my heads hurting, I feel sick but I can't actually be sick. I hate myself for having no self control, I'm not yet physically addicted, but I know it's starting as im starting to get weird symptoms if I don't drink in a day. I honestly feel so low. I can never turn a drink down. I see my friends in the day as I am studying, and as soon as I see them we start drinking. I'm always missing my classes or having to get my partner to bail me out with childcare. I just feel like such a fuck up. I always vow to cut down but I can never stick to it and always end up worse than before. I'm finding it hard because I've been a heavy drinker for so long it's basically my only defining feature, people think oh look it's mew, she'll be up for a pint. And apart from drinking I really have nothing in common with anyone. So so low today. Sorry for the hijack, just venting. Sitting on the toilet shaking, feeling sick.

I don't fully understand the situation with your H iamdoingthis but believe me when I say that sobriety is the best way to keep your kids and get your way.
Follow your GPs advice and redouble your AA efforts. You can do this. Let me be the cautionary tale!

And trust when I say, I unnderstand your situation. Drinking to cope with the day, crippling guilt the next day, overwhelming sense of failure, self-disguist, frustration, feeling trapped, trapped at all angles and from all sides, impending doom and finally caving to drink and repeating the cycle.

You have to get mad. Not at yourself, but at the drink. Get really angry: take that bottle of wine or vodka or gin and holding by the neck, pour it down the sink, yelling 'Fuck you! You don't control me, you will not define me and I will not be beaten by you '. Get some reading. stuffs, lean on the bus and AA. Everybody will be with you every step of the way. You have an inner strength the booze is hiding, because it dulls the bad AND the good. It wont take too long before you'll be roaring with your own strength and power.