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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through The Autumn Scenes, Searching For Our Sober Dreams.

1000 replies

Mouseface · 27/09/2013 12:49

Hello, I'm Mouse :) Welcome to the Bus, (aka Gerald Grin ).

I'm one of the Brave Babes on board this fabulous Bus of travellers, all in search of their sobriety in one form or another.

We have those who drink in moderation, those who have a set pattern of days on and off the booze, and we have posters who have been sober for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years.

There are two lines that the Bus has painted down the side, one on each -

The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement and Alcohol Fosters Inertia

So, if you think you're drinking too much or you're worried about another person, then come find a seat.

We get through our days chatting about all sorts of things, life is, after all, full of plenty of things to fuel our desire to drink, and we're all very different people Grin

However, our common goal is sobriety. :)

The Last Thread

The Reason We're Here - The First Thread

OP posts:
Imdoingthis · 30/09/2013 19:29

If police do a safety welfare check and your in bits what happens?

Fairenuff · 30/09/2013 19:36

I don't know what happens Imdoing, did they say they would be doing safety welfare checks? If so, it's probably best to not drink.

dementedma · 30/09/2013 20:12

indie no second side car for you. You're stuck in this one with me, me old scouse mucker.Grin
What the fuck is with you and dp? You girls needs to get a babysitter and get out minus DTS for a good old heart to heart.
It is inevitable you will row at some point and Dcs will know about it.all you can do is be honest and say something like " yes, I'm cross with mammy and shes' cross with me, bit sometimes big people fall out, just like you and X fall out. We will talk nicely to each other soon and say sorry and them we will be friends again. Remember that we both love you very very much so don't worry."
It worked with mine when they were little - harder to do when they are all grown up and not so easily fooled.
Pm me if you want to chat

Ladame · 30/09/2013 20:26

Im have you been contacted by the police? How did that happen? Did someone call them?

Ladame · 30/09/2013 20:32

Indie I agree with Ma on this. You need to reconnect away from home, just the two of you. Also.. I'm in the sidecar too ya know, reading the paper Heat and feeding the dog.

dementedma · 30/09/2013 20:38

ladame nous sommes d'accord? Formidable!

Isindesidecar · 30/09/2013 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 30/09/2013 20:58

Oi!

Shut up with 'real' problems. If we start into who has 'real' problems and who doesn't, we'll never talk at all (and you'd all kick me off the thread for having an ostentatious lack of justification for boozing).

Your shit is just as real as anyone else's.

I think I remember you talking about your mum before, and I do know what you mean because the same thing worries me, that I'd be a bad mum. But I think the fact that you and I are scared of it already means we are doing differently? I mean, what was really upsetting to me as a child was knowing my mum felt she was right to scream at me, and I deserved it. That's very different from losing your temper sometimes.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 30/09/2013 20:58

Ahem.

That was meant to come out tough-love, rather than bitchy.

I need more emoticons.

Fairenuff · 30/09/2013 22:07

Grin LRD

Oooh, a simmer-down chair, now there's a thought. Do we need one of those on the bus?

And will people please stop feeding that dog. He's going to be so fat he'll be wedged in the sidecar. Perhaps he ought to run alongside for a bit?

Wait...what's that he's eating now...it looks like...it is...it's opal fruits!!

Ma !!!!

Imdoingthis · 30/09/2013 22:32

I look at her she pretty shes got his eyes shes all him shes my baby

Imdoingthis · 30/09/2013 22:34

It hurts

Isindesidecar · 30/09/2013 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isindesidecar · 30/09/2013 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cutitup · 30/09/2013 23:02

Can I join the bus?

I need to.

I think constantly about booze. I wake up every day (often at 4am, vowing that I will never drink again) feeling like shit. Bloated, tired and with every muscle and fibre aching from alcohol. Particularly in my face. I swear every day that I won't drink again.

But, come 5 o'clock, my mind rationalises that I deserve a drink and wouldn't it be fun to have a big vodka and tonic and have a ciggie and go on facebook or mumsnet (hello!). I only smoke when I drink so they come hand in hand.

I neglect my daughter to go outside to smoke and drink and be on the computer. I sit on this tiny patio in the cold with one, two, three, then four or five vodka and tonics while I procrastinate making my daughter's supper and issuing edicts to "do your homework" as I shake more ice into my drink and make her something passable for supper. It's really quite pathetic.

I have been to AA in the past. I used to drink a LOT more. In the morning and all day. Not anymore. Only after the school run and, I feel ridiculously happy if I have my first drink after 7pm. Recovery! I'm actually drinking tea right now but only after 1 wine and 5 vodkas. Don't want to feel shit tomorrow!

I have quit drinking in the past and it made me feel serene, smart and calm. Centred and capable. I don't know why I can't do that now. I somehow feel like I'm missing out if I don't indulge.

I used to love an afternoon spent drinking tea and reading. Now I seem to love drinking vodka and creating 'art' in my shed. Though I don't. After three vodkas, my ability to create art has gone and it's just crap.

I have had several injuries due to drinking. Most recently last weekend when I tumbled over a neighbour's garden post and really hurt my knee when I fell on her steps. I can still barely walk three days later. Pathetic. All I can think of is "there but for the grace of god". I could have hit my head on the concrete and been done for right there and then. I remember crossing the field in the dark (stupid!) and I fell down and I had to really concentrate on standing up. It must have been comical to watch because I made about 5 attempts at it. Luckily, only the badgers saw me.

My symptoms:
I'm bloated and overweight.

I have bloodshot eyes and my face is bloated
My liver or gall bladder hurt all the time. I think my kidneys do too.
I am aggressive and mean to my dd in the morning, impatient and unkind.
I don't want to spend time with my gorgeous DD because I want to drink and smoke instead.
I am tired and listless all the time. I do the school run and go back to bed for two hours.
I never make plans based on the fact that I might have a hangover.
I deliberately avoid social occasions where there is no alcohol.
I avoid taking DD to evening functions because I don't want to drive in the evening because it interferes with my drinking.

AND - YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS

I am annoyed with my mother for being a constant drunk since I was 14y years old (I am middle aged) and I can't guarantee calling her on any given night and finding her capable of conversation.

So, there is my confession. It is all true and truly pathetic at the same time. I want to try to be better. It's just this grip. I was on the sofa this evening trying to talk myself out of drinking again but, of course, I found a good excuse and here I again.

I have been reading this thread since Jesuswhatnext posted her first post several years ago. And I'm still in the same place.

One thing I will never forget is when I was pregnant and stopped drinking completely. A good male friend of mine told me what good company I was since I had stopped drinking. I know that's true. So why can't I make it happen?

I know this fact for sure: every single bad thing that has happened to me that has been beyond my control has been because of my alcohol consumption.

I wish you all peace. I apologise for the self-indulgence. xx

Fairenuff · 30/09/2013 23:13

Just about to go to bed Cutitup so I won't be around for long but just wanted to say, you know what, you really need to stop drinking.

Yeah, no shit Sherlock, I hear you say Grin

But I know you want to stop. That message is screaming out of your post loud and clear. You have all your reasons, you just need to be in the right headspace, if you know what I mean.

Please stay with us on the bus, keep talking, keep posting. You don't have to stop drinking, just stay on the bus and talk it through.

When you are ready to stop, we will help you. Welcome to the best bus in the world Smile

You have a lifetime ticket - how long it lasts is up to you x

Cutitup · 30/09/2013 23:14

Thanks Fair. x

Fairenuff · 30/09/2013 23:19

See you tomorrow Smile

Night all x

Mouseface · 30/09/2013 23:28

cut - You are me! Or rather were me. Vodka was my weapon of choice too. I take it you're a solo mum? Coping alone? Desperate for some time 'off'?

We, your opening post is one of the best we've had in a long while. No drip feeding, no holes barred, just YOU saying how it is.

I need to go to bed now in case Nemo wkes, he's disabled and has complex SN/LN so my nights belong to him but stay, find a seat. I like the cut of your jib, you made a tiny spark in me fire up. You're in a good place now - the right place.

We'll talk more I'm sure but I didn't want you to be unanswered at this hour.

Night all. :)

Stay safe, be careful. Xxx

OP posts:
Mouseface · 30/09/2013 23:33

Bloody phone, sorry for typos! Glad Faire got to post to you also cut :)

Try and sleep, you came here for a reason. Let's work through it, hey?

Night xxx

OP posts:
Cutitup · 30/09/2013 23:34

Tis you Mouse!

I have followed your posts for a long time. I'm so sorry for what you have been through. I'll be back. Thank you thank you. I feel like crying. Going to bed after my tea and feeling a lot more resolved. Goodnight x

SocFish · 30/09/2013 23:34

Hello
I can't name tag everyone. There are too many of us! I just want to say to everyone who drinks and then feels bad, please don't feel bad. We've all been there a million times. One day without alcohol is better than no day. Just stay on the bus and keep posting.

I have a question. I am doing fine. It's not easy, but I've never done this well. However, I have three enormous challenges coming up. The first being my husband taking our kids away for two nights. Oh BLISS. Two nights on my own. My first instinct would be to get 8 bottles of wine in and go on a huge bender. But I really don't want to risk sliding back to where I was. Particularly as I have two more situations coming up in rapid succession that are going to be hell to not drink at (and I have to go).

So.....I was wondering about going to my GP to ask for Antabuse just to use on these occasions. So when my husband leaves and I have a lucid moment if I swallow the pill then all discussion in my head will cease because I CANNOT drink.

Has anyone had any experience with Antabuse?? And if so, what would you advise.

Thanks and hang in there you gorgeous babes
xxxxxx

babyjane1 · 01/10/2013 09:19

Hi babes, sorry I've been absent, house renovations way over budget, 3 year old having tantrums, I've had sick bug, totally exhausted and skint yet can't sleep at night, all classic triggers and yet I'm sober!!!! I'm so sorry I've missed so much but I have to say the team spirit on board this bus is awesome!!! I'm so proud to be on this bus. why I think of you every day and wish good things for you, cutit so well done for posting , you sound so sad and desparate, stopping drinking couldn't possibly be worse than what your doing to yourself, you can turn this around, and I believe your ready, I believe in you! imdoing you are a very brave lady and you're going to get you through this stay on the bus and we will support you, huge hugs to all of you and all of you supporting these lovely babes. soc I totally understand your thinking , if often thought I'd like to try antabuse, mainly because I still don't trust myself and I'm very respectful of medication as I have crohn's and medication has been my saviour. I know if I knew id be violently sick I wouldn't want to touch booze, I'm not sure it's that easy to get but I can see why it might help your determination but you sound like you've nailed it to me all by yourself!! I'm being very vigilant because I feel tired and fed up and the initial shine of sobriety is wearing off and (I'm sorry for the pathetic vanity here) I just can't get my weight down and it's getting to me, I guess I expected a miracle but need to refocus and kick start my healthy eating plan, have a great day xxx

Ladame · 01/10/2013 09:37

Cutitup Wow, massive respect to you for writing so honestly, it must have been difficult, but I hope a bit of a relief too. Parts of your post resonate in me and I expect in all the other babes too.
If you've been reading the thread for so long, you will know that whilst we chat and gently laugh with each other from time to time, we are all worried about the long-term consequences of heavy drinking. To quote from The Eagles 'Desperado' - 'These things that are pleasing you, can hurt you somehow'. Worries about liver damage, heart damage, breast cancer, brain damage and stroke, as well as the more minor things; upset stomach, ulcers and minor injuries when clumsy and pissed. When my drinking was at it's heaviest, I used to worry that one morning I'd wake up, yellow from head to toe and be featured in Daily Fail's Health page with a picture of me in a hospital bed with one of their snarky 'Look what she did to herself' stories. I cringe inwardly whenever I read one of those.

It sounds to me like you don't have any AF nights. I've got a suggestion? If you like?

You need (just for one day to start) to make a huge change to your daily routine :-
Firstly, find your best pj's, put them on the bed for later. Then, if you've got a kindle, download any of the Gillian Flynn books - Gone Girl/Dark Places/Sharp Objects or Nicci French - Catch Me When I fall/Land of the Living/Secret Smile. All of these will grip you from the first page and are unputdownable. Don't eat hardly anything at lunchtime.

*Pick your dd up from school, go to Tescos, buy yourself something nice to put in the bath, try something coconutty or vanilla-y, both very soothing. Get her something too.

*Go for a ridiculously early tea. Something you both like McD's, KFC, pizza, anything quick and tasty and filling. Have a milkshake with it (not coffee or coke).

*When you get home, run a bath, put the lovelies in it and have a wallow. Then into pjs and then brush teeth and mouthwash.

*Downstairs, put tv on and watch stupid stuff, there's a Real Housewives of Vancouver on ITV2/ITV2 + 1 at about 4ish your time. They've all done so much to their faces, only their mouths move and they can't walk in those high heels. It's a laugh.

*Stay in the living room with your dd. Read your kindle, watch tv, clean and cosy and warm. No cold patio, sharp spiky too fizzy freezing cold glass of poison, no smelly dried up nasty old fag. Stay where you are.

*Your dd will probably love your company, her happiness will hit your button throughout the evening.

Time for bed, have a hot milky drink and biscuit and in Ma's words - get yerself to bed (I always hear that in a Scottish accent!)

Wake up in the morning, knowing that you broke the cycle, that you got out of the washing machine before it started to spin. So, you're not flat, damp, creased and flattened against the drum, you're slightly rumpled, sweet smelling and you've had a decent sleep and you don't have a hangover and you've done Day One which is the hardest day for all of us.

If you can, take each step of the above and if you do that, you will succeed. You will have ignored the tools that let you lay each perspex brick until you have a thick blurry wall between yourself and your life and your dd. Take the first steps back to recovering your health and wellbeing.

I'm sorry for the epic post and forgive me if I've been in any way patronising, but as Chezza would say 'You're Worth It' - and I think you are x

mewmeow · 01/10/2013 09:43

Hi guys, hope everyone is doing ok Smile, sorry only had time to read the last few messages. Just wanted to firmly jump back on the bus for October (and beyond) after a very heavy few months. Be back later, take care xxx

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