Ok, please bear with me- i've been off MN for about 2 years, and there's quite a lot of preamble to this post.
Dh and I have been together for about 4 years, 2dds (3 and 18m) and I'm 15wks pg with a third. He's in his 40s, I'm in my 20s with 14 years between us- we met and married a year after I left uni, so I only had about 6 months work exp before I was pg and married (in that order). He runs a couple of businesses, we live above his offices and all the properties are his or the company names, so effectively, I own nothing at all. I've asked thousands of times for him to put something in both our names but he's always refused.
He's always been very particular, and the biggest issue between us has always been his inability to get out of bed- we even missed one of our first dd's scans (it was at 2pm) because he refused to get up. I often end up shouting at him to try and get him up so that meetings and things don't get missed- this morning we had people turning up for a conference and because he didn't get up, and kept ignoring his secretary's calls, the projector and tech wasn't ready. The thing is, when I try and get him up, it makes him really mad. He says that I should just leave him alone and if i end up fielding panicy phone calls from his staff, i should just ignore them, but that I have no right to "attack" him, while he's in bed. Over the years we've had so many rows over this, he's walked out, threatened to leave me, etc.
Soooo, yesterday I got up at 6 (which is pretty normal because of our two girls) to find that his dog had gotten into a bin bag and there was rubbish -teabags, nappies, old food, yoghurt pots etc- all over the hallway. I asked him to tidy it up, he refused. I called him a selfish prick, he went back to sleep, I cleaned up. When he got up at around 11 he informed me that I was not allowed to sleep in his bed for a week. Uh huh. I have been "banished" and am not allowed to share his bed until next Monday, to learn some respect and to teach me that I don't have the right to treat him like this.
Putting aside the obvious WHAT THE F*, what am I supposed to do? I don't really think there's a future for this marriage, but what can I do? I've got no where to go, no money of my own, just £100 or so in the bank, no access to the company money, unless I literally steal the contents of the safe, which, as I don't own the company would just be stealing, and I'd wind up in jail for it. My family can't help- I'm estranged from my Dad and my mum is broke.
It's the humiliation which is killing me- the thought of people knowing, that this is the kind of degrading sitation I live in is so awful. I can't talk to anyone, because all our friends know him too, and have no idea that he would do this, he's a very respected figure. If I stay here I basically resign myself to a life of humiliation, but if I leave I condem my children to a life of abject poverty and I wouldn't even know where to start building a life for us. I wanted to go back to university to retrain, but he made me pregnant again (we were using ov tests to avoid pg and he had sex with me after I'd falled asleep on ov day) and while it wasn't what I wanted, I could never get rid of a baby.
I'm not looking for angry LEAVE HIM NOW messages, because that doesn't help. I'm so scared, and so trapped and I just don;t know what to do. He is never cruel to the children and is a good father, he is also never cruel or hurtful to me infront of anyone else, so to everyone it looks like we have a loving and respectful marriage. Hell it looks like that to me most of the time, but then i do something wrong and end up here. I'm so terrified of someone finding out who I am. please help me.