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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Yet another shit weekend

26 replies

fedupandexhausted · 22/09/2013 18:45

Have name changed for this one.

DH has just stormed out of the house following yet another strop from DD10 who's been pretty foul all weekend. In the middle of dinner and he's thrown it, plate and all into the bin. Shouted he'll be home after the kids are in bed which no doubt I'll be doing alone again.

I feel like he's disengaging from us all - and he's so harsh with his words and can be mean when in a mood. Says I'm too soft on them - maybe i am but sometimes I compensate the other way.

Storming out is his favourite trick if really peed off but he's not done it for a few years....usually when he's mad at me and then he sulks for at least a week....longer if I ignore it. He never apologises either. I just cant be arsed with it today.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 22/09/2013 18:48

It sounds like your dd is the more mature one.

3littlefrogs · 22/09/2013 18:48

I feel sorry for DC who have a parent who has not grown up.

He has clearly not moved beyond early adolescence himself. I expect your dd finds being in the same house with him very stressful, as you do.

What will you do?

domoarigato · 22/09/2013 18:50

Is she your 10th child or is just 10 yo?

TurnipCake · 22/09/2013 18:51

He sounds like a knob

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 22/09/2013 18:53

Sorry to hear this OP.

My dad was like this and it wasn't nice.

Capitaltrixie · 22/09/2013 18:55

He absolutely needs to grow up. Not acceptable behaviour from a parent. Hope you're ok OP x

Original poster
fedupandexhausted · 22/09/2013 18:57

no she's 10....we have 4 and its a noisy, busy household. he just doesn't seem to cope with it well at all.

He doesn't ever really seem to enjoy family life - one bit of bad behaviour and he just gets so moody.

I'm just so down - fed up with him and the kids tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
fedupandexhausted · 22/09/2013 19:46

well he's back now

completely ignored me and is now banging around in the kitchen. Dog won't leave my side because he knows he's got a mood on. I just dont know what to do

OP posts:
Jagdkuh · 22/09/2013 19:52

Possibly talk about it with him. i wouldve done that before taking my problems on the net! what are you wanting, exactly?

3littlefrogs · 22/09/2013 20:04

jagdekuh - my mum used to say - "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything".

OP is upset and because her DH had stormed off she couldn't talk to him.
It doesn't sound as if talking to him now is going to get her very far.

Bluemonkeyspots · 22/09/2013 20:11

Jag- maybe because she wants to vent and get some words of advice from others! Why do any of us post here if not for a bit of attention (meant in the nicest way)

I know what it's like living with a overgrown boy! Thankfully the last few years he seems to have grown up but at times I had the same life the op is describing just now. I was stuck in a rut where I was utterly miserable at the times he did sulk but it never seemed a big enough deal to end our marriage over, especially since it only happened every so often.

PTFO · 22/09/2013 20:23

Stay calm, ignore. Tricky bit is I understand why you are a bit softer with the kids given how HE is with them. The result is that they will always turn to you, out casting him feeding his insecurities. Hell even the dog wont go near him in this mood.

I suspect its pointless talking to DH as he will make it out that you are having a huge go at him and its all his fault blah blah blah. How nice that he can storm out leaving four kids cared for. I bet you cant do that.

I'd be furious about him chucking his dinner, plate and all in the bin, how disrespectful. I'd be tempted to fish it out and do something with it, put it in his desk draw or in an overnight bag on the doorstep and lock the door. Just because things get tough, is no reason to leave you to it, you are both parents.

Original poster
fedupandexhausted · 22/09/2013 20:28

There's no talking to him when he's like this jag. I just wanted some support or views on this behaviour

He'll be moody all week now and I just don't want to deAl with that. Plus the kids went to bed upset but he will never see it like that

OP posts:
PTFO · 22/09/2013 20:29

sorry just seen he is back hm. urgh the banging, yes dear I know your hm, wait one sec while I slam your head in one of those cupboards.

Next time you dish up dinner put his on a paper plate...hehe

pictish · 22/09/2013 20:35

He'll be moody all week now and I just don't want to deAl with that. Plus the kids went to bed upset but he will never see it like that

What a catch, taking his frustration over a child's strop out on everyone else for a week. He clearly doesn't give a shit if he has upset anyone, because of course it all has to be about him.
Plus...throwing his dinner around? Wtf??

He sounds ghastly.

jellyfl00d · 22/09/2013 20:58

Beans on toast, on paper plates with plastic knife & fork all week (for him) if he's going to be moody and disrespect your cooking and a family mealtime like that. Make it a family rule!!

LEMisdisappointed · 22/09/2013 21:03

Actually talking to him would be a start, but getting perspective on here before you do so is a good idea. I suspect you have spoken to him though. It sounds like you have to walk on egg shells.

Xenadog · 22/09/2013 21:24

He needs to MTFU and be a parent - that means not storming out after throwing a meal away because a child has been playing up.

I think I would be sitting him down and telling him a few home truths.

Maybe you do need to be singing from the same hymn sheet when it comes to parenting styles but seriously what as rubbish way to behave.

All I can think is: "What a wanker!"

Lweji · 22/09/2013 21:29

Parents deal with children's strops, punish them if necessary.
They don't storm off and don't get moody.

I'd think that you can give him the choice of being part of the family and parent effectively or take off.

ToughestDecisionEver · 22/09/2013 21:36

I've also had DH storm out on me today. Sucks doesn't it? Today it was because of something I did, but I worry that I'll be writing a thread like yours in a few years time and am considering LTB rather than put up with this for that long.

FixItUpChappie · 22/09/2013 21:49

I don't think I could just ignore this behaviour. It is immature, sets a poor example for conflict resolution and is incredibly selfish. So he gets to storm out, check out and you get to continue on parenting....that is not okay. Sulking for a week so you all get to live on eggshells as he lords emotional control over everyone...not okay.

I lived with a parent who ran hot and cold - it is not a pleasant experience and I wished there had been another parent/person around to pull them up on it.

IMO this is counselling worthy behaviour.

WahIzzit · 22/09/2013 21:52

Clutching at straws but has he got other issues going on or worries which could be making him mean and grumpy? Is he father to all your dc? I cannot stand people who sulk and ignore others for days on end, sorry but I could not live with such a stubborn childish person!

Also why do these grown men feel the need to storm out? Mine did too today. Baby Ds2 has an awful cold, was whining and shivering this morning so put the radiators on soon after waking up as he needed a bath. Dh gets up last (after all of us are fed and changed), and starts getting frustrated that its too hot and why have I got them on, can I not see its warm outside. I asked him why he cant say it calmly and has to get frustrated and agitated about it, and he claims to be sweating and he cant think straight and storms out Hmm it wasn't that fuckin hot! Right drama llama. Was fine when he got back in an hour later. Twat. I do love him most of the time but GOSH men are hard work.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/09/2013 06:17

This sounds like a man who doesn't have either the tools or the maturity to manage conflict or express himself. Most people stop slamming doors & sulking when they've quit adolescence. It's combination of frustration & attention-seeking behaviour.

OTOH a 10yo that's 'foul all weekend' is not acceptable in the slightest. You need to work out with him how you deal with poor behaviour in your children as a team, find a compromise that you're both happy with, support each other fully, and then put it into action next time there's a problem.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 23/09/2013 09:14

He's profoundly selfish isn't he? It's all about him, everyone has to suffer because he feels like it. It's awful living with a father like that, believe me.

OldernotWiser47 · 23/09/2013 09:56

Cogito- if her DF's behaviour is anything to go by, maybe the DD playing up all weekend is not all that surprising.

Stroppy teenager-in-waiting can try the patience of a Saint- but who exactly is the child here, and has she just been shown how an adult deals appropriately with stressful situations?