DP kicked me & it hurt

[Shallistopnow]

He was annoyed that I was just 'selfishly' going to my parents for lunch today & not taking our daughter as she didn't want to come with me. He calls me all the names under the sun (in front of dd). He told me not to come back & when I did he said "what are doing here?" & "you'd better be f*ing gone tomorrow". But he won't leave & won't let me leave with our dd. We only moved here 2 months ago & dd loves it so I couldn't bear to move her to my parents. But then I don't know what matters anymore, too depressed.

The best thing you can do is report him to the police.
If you report him, he will have to leave, you stand a good chance of legally keeping him out of your home and he will be less able to get full 'custody' of your dd.

I'm sorry you are in this situation.
You can take back the power though

I can't do that. I'd be more hated than ever. He keeps saying that our daughter will realise what I'm really like one day and won't want to live with me etc. The fact she didn't come with me today did unsettle me. I wonder if I should just leave them to it?

Do you want him out? Do you want to stay there? If so, follow Cluffys advice to do that. If you don't, take DD and get out. You don't have to put up with that kind of behaviour, and she certainly shouldn't be witness to it

of course you don't leave dd with a man who assaulted her mother.
ring the police and see about an occupation order to stay in the house and get him ejected

Report him for assault

if you can't do that yet, have a chat with Women's Aid about the abusive relationship you are in.

They will understand how difficult it is to leave, while you are still hoping to give your dc a stable home

The fact is, your dc are being abused just as much as you are, while they watch his abuse of you being played out

Even if they don't directly witness it (which I am sure you will come back to argue) the fact is, you are with a domestic abuser, and it damages kids, the end

You need to report it. How old is your dd?

Oh love. This is no good. He's controlling and violent, and you need to put him out.

I know it's hard. I know. But really, you must be utterly miserable living with this.

How old is your DD? The sad thing is if you do stay with him he will end up playing victim and manipulate her so she will think poor Dad, Mum is so hard to get along with. In the meantime he loses his temper and you spend your life placating him. Is this the first time he has lashed out physically? If he doesn't watch his mouth when bellowing at you how long before DD sees him assault you?

This sounds like it's an ongoing situation so please consider what the future holds staying with him. If you are on good terms with your parents tell them you need support and go with DD to them.

Donkeys: He is already manipulating her. She said she didn't miss me yesterday which I don't believe and that I can go and she'll stay with him. I dropped her to school and she didn't even want a kiss from me. I am crying whilst typing. I don't know what to do. We were always so close and he is destroying it. I've been depressed and I should've got help.

He asked what I was doing today and I said packing up and leaving. He said he would pick up DD from school as she doesn't want to go with me.

Cluffy: If I reported him could I really get him out that easily? My daughter doesn't want him to leave cos she likes big TV and XBox (her words). That's the child he's made her - he says I'm cold and emotionless yet his own daughter only likes him for his things.

HELP! I really don't know what to do. I never thought he could be so evil.

If he treats you like this why on earth would you even consider letting him near your DD? If you are out of the way who do you think he will take his behaviour out on next? If you can't think of doing it for yourself, you need to think about what this is doing/will do to your dd if you stay or leave without her.

Your daughter is probably also scared and confused, and I'm sure that she doesn't really prefer him and his things to you. There's probably a ton of reasons why she didn't want to come for lunch today. Don't panic about your relationship with her just yet - it's more important that you are both safe.

I agree that it's not really ok to leave her alone with a man who has physically hurt you, and been so emotionally vile to you. This isn't your fault. It is not your fault for having been depressed, and you are not a bad parent. Do talk to Women's Aid for some speedy advice about your options today.

He would never hurt her and it seems she prefers him now anyway so what's the point in staying. I'm a miserable depressive and if I stay it'll rub off on her and she'll turn out the same. I know cos it happened with my mum & I.

Perhaps I should get some medication. I have no enthusiasm for life and quite often wish I wouldn't wake up. She deserves so much better.

My ex hit me, I called the police and they removed him and kept him overnight, he was also given a police restraining order for a week and not allowed to return to the house. He never came back again. I kept him out. That week with him gone and the vindication from the police gave me the strength I needed. The police pressed charges though I would have done and the CPS said there was a case so it went to court where he pled guilty but only after reading my statement and realising he was unlikely to get away with it.

You can do this. Call the police NOW! Do not leave your dd with him, in time she will realise that women should not be hit but you have to get her away from him. I am PROOF that this can be done but you have to call the police.

Oh and she will find out your really like? And I bet he will call social workers because your depressed wont he? And everyone knows how tough you are to deal with and feels sorry for him don't they?

It's a script, that's all it is. I've listened to and believed that crap too.

Get him out. Get your dd some counselling if necessary to she can get some help dealing with this and learning to think healthily about you.

Oh and if they involve SS DON'T WORRY! it will be fine and they will help you keep him out.

How old is she? It's normal for school age DC to not want a kiss, they find it embarrassing (also normal for them to want one, just depends on their personality)

Please do talk to women's aid. If you are with BT their phone number will not show up on your landline bill.

Ring the police and report him for assaulting you. I really wish I had done it years ago on my ex before I did. It scared the bloody crap out of him and took that arrogant self assured wind out of his sails. Yes the kids did express a preference for him at first but slowly they seen him for what he was when I wasn't there to excuse and smooth things over.

Get ta handle on this now before he causes real damage. I know you don't want your daughter to think this is normal in relationships.

Your are being emotionally and physically abused.

He may do the same to your daughter. Or your daughter will grow up seeing her mother being abused. Worse case, she thinks you are at fault. And grows up believing men mistreat women because women deserve it.

You have a duty to protect yourself and her. The xbox is neither here nor there. She is a child who doesn't understand and cannot make good decisions about this situation. That's your job.

There is no way you can control this situation. There is no way you can fix him. There is no way you can bend yourself into a shape he will be pleased with.

So, I think your goal from here is to find out what resources are available to you and what steps you need to take to get him out of your house and keep your little one safe.

I can understand you hesitating to just call the police before you know the rules are or what will happen. You need to find out what support is out there and how things work, so when you are ready to act you can do so with confidence. You will be scared, of course, but you will have a plan you understand.

I am not sure where you would start, health visitor, citizen's advice bureau? Just someone who can point you towards the experts who can lead you through.

You mentioned going to your parents for lunch. Can they help support you through this?

I wish I could give more detailed, practical, knowledgable advice. My heart goes out to you. It's awful and you don't deserve it. It will take a lot of strength and courage to unwind this situation.

I don't think I'd feel comfortable being in the house on my own. I also have no confidence in myself as a single mother.

He is hurting her though, that behaviour in front of her is hurting her. Its teaching her to be scared of daddy and do whatever it takes to placate him so she doesn't get treated like that. Please protect your DD if you are unwilling to protect yourself.

Have you got friends/family you could tell and turn to? Do your parents know this is happening to you?

I wonder if the way you are feeling will disappear as soon as this abusive man is out of your life. Perhaps he is the problem here, the one who is bringing you to the point of despair, and leaving you with no enthusiasm for life. I very much suspect he is.

Of course your dd loves you, but it sounds as though she is being manipulated as much as you are.

You need to make a plan. Keep talking to us.

When my XP kicked me I rang the police and had him charged with assault.

He was released on bail and wasnt allowed back to the house untill after he'd appeared in court. We had 2 DCs at the time so the police thought it was best that I stay in the house with children and XP stay at a relatives.

I got 3 weeks in the house on my own to figure out what to do next (house was in XPs name, I wasnt even on the tenancy agreement)

Apologetic email from him - sent at 9.30

"I didn’t say anything to her yesterday. If anything I defended you to her. I was really hurt by your cold behaviour. You really act as though you don’t care.
I’am really sorry for the way I spoke to you. I get mad and see red. I feel like your cheating me and DD of happiness.
I cant really function here with all this going on in my head.
Stay online.
I have to go to a meeting at 10:30. Only b 235 mins though.
Please we need to communicate.
Sorry. I never meant to hurt you. x "

I thought I would tell my family when I went there yesterday but when I arrived I just couldn't. I wasn't upset anyway just felt nothing.

DD is 7.

That's the standard script sadly. Turn it around and make it your fault.

He physically hurt you and abused you in front of your child. The next time will be easier for him to do if you don't draw the line now.

You don't know how you'll be on your own until you try. A great weight might be lifted for all you know.

You may, indeed, have a problem with depression. But many wonderful parents do. It's very common, and it's treatable.

But part of depression is irrational thoughts of the black and white, all or nothing sort. Such as "they would be better off without me."

And your partner has been feeding you these thoughts. From a script, as an earlier poster said.

Deal with his assault right now. Then you can have space to think clearly and do what you need to do for your daughter.

She's a child. You know what is right for her.