DP kicked me & it hurt

[Shallistopnow]

He was annoyed that I was just 'selfishly' going to my parents for lunch today & not taking our daughter as she didn't want to come with me. He calls me all the names under the sun (in front of dd). He told me not to come back & when I did he said "what are doing here?" & "you'd better be f*ing gone tomorrow". But he won't leave & won't let me leave with our dd. We only moved here 2 months ago & dd loves it so I couldn't bear to move her to my parents. But then I don't know what matters anymore, too depressed.

No, it wouldn't, it would be a bigger lump of shit than it already is.

You need help love. There is a middle ground between staying with a violent man who hurts you, and being better off dead.

Ring the counseling service tomorrow and tell them it is urgent. Ring your GP and tell him/her how you are feeling. Ring The Samaritans [[08457 90 90 90 * (UK)
1850 60 90 90 * (ROI) here]]

We are not helping you, I am afraid. I don't think we can tell you what you want to hear. Please talk to some professionals and get some RL support.

Sorry, messed up The Samaritans number. Here it is again.

UK 08457 90 90 90
ROI 1850 60 90 90

The advice on here has been really good and I do appreciate it. I'm just a wimp who can't make a decision and stick by it. The thought of moving back to my parents indefinitely is awful. If I could tell my daughter we were getting our own place later on it would be ok but that's unlikely as I lost my job 3 weeks ago and feel pretty unemployable at the moment.

How old is your dd ?

7 AF.

OP said that DD was 7.

Having the loveliest house in the world is small comfort if living with someone who kicks you and bullies you. And he will do it to your DD too, especially if you are not there. Don't go away and leave her to be bullied in your place. Ring one of the numbers posted and get some help.

She is young enough to start again, as are you.

So, she'll be upset for a while. She will get used to not having her father in her house every day. Go back to your parents. Make it an adventure for her.

if this bloke is any kind of father, he will parent her appropriately

however, if you think by leaving him he would take it out on dd, then that is all the more reason to get him out of your life

Report the violence.
go to the GP and tell them.

You HAVE to do this. it could mean that you CAN get an occupation order and kick that sorry wanker out on HIS arse.

You can't stay like this.

I split from my abusive (kicking) ex when my DS was 5, he's coming up for 8 now. ALL of the insecurities and issues he had then are ALL gone now. We are so strong and happy. AF will tell you, she was one of the ones that supported me when I was first out.

It's been a long journey, but every single step has brought me to greater and greater happiness. I know hundreds of former DV victims that are no longer with their exes (I'm chair of a DV charity, do talks on occasion etc) NOT ONE of them ever regrets leaving/getting rid.

FWIW, men that kick are showing a level of disgust and misogyny that is OFF THE CHARTS btw. They are the most poisonous for females to have contact with.

Get legal advice, report the cowardly MoFo and kick HIM out of your life.

Men that abuse do so from a point of abject weakness, they are the lowest of the very low, so don't be afraid of him, because actually he is more afraid of YOU standing up to him, you leaving him alone and exposing HIM for the fuckup he is than you will ever know.

If you want to start fighting your corner, start using every insult, word-for-word back at him. The words he uses are meant to cripple you. They are the worst words he can think of to use against you, through panic, to keep you down. So whatever he is using against you, is what he hates/fears the most in himself.

2 women a week are killed by their partners. when kids are involved they are at risk of death too. tidies up loose ends. :( This man will never get any better, only worse.

Get him out of your lives and keep him as far away from you as possible as soon as possible.

I promise you, on everything that I have, that you will never, ever regret it.

Listen to Hissy, love.

I think I've carried on with the relationship in the hope that he gets bored/fed up and leaves or is violent and therefore gives me a good excuse to leave. I don't love him & am not sure I ever did. Now I sound pretty horrid don't I?

You are not horrid. It's not unusual for feelings to change over time. I think you will need to take control to make any kind of change. This man will not go anywhere. He has you were he wants you.

Were = where

I'm not afraid of him. Just afraid of the fallout.

he kicked you, have you forgotten ?

How much "worse" do you need the violence to be ?

Teeth knocked out ? head injury ? a gaping artery ? burn marks accidentally on purpose ?

Btw if you ever excuse him by thinking, "It's the weed that makes him moody" or more likely the gaps between smoking that see him grow easily irritated or out of sorts or plain nasty, again, that's his choice. Nobody forces him.

WEED smoker too? lovely.

That is used as an excuse by abusers for more rage. My ex smoked every day.

You have no reason to stay, and every reason to go.

The most important reason is your DD.

If you stay, this is the relationship SHE will model. But the way it usually goes is that she will look for a STRONGER version of her dad.

You could end up at her funeral.

Call WA today. Please.

Oh, meant to say. I smoked resin every day too. to cope with the abuse mostly and to help me fall asleep before he got home.

didn't make ME punch walls, kick people...

You are not horrid btw love. You are being abused. You need to get out.

You can get out.

You MUST get out.

how you doing, OP ?

'you stayed because you felt he would get bored/violent and then I would havethe excuse to leave' - errr, is the kick not violence enough?
OP you sound really ground down. I'd see a Dr, then the police, then a solicitor, then an estate agent.

Tell someone in rl!! All of it. Make it real for yourself. When you say it out loud you realise how wrong what is happening is. It's much too easy to hide the truth from yourself, and believe that his view of you is the correct one. It's not!!!
I felt like I was under a spell for four years. When I finally left him (he kicked me too, broke a rib, the fucker ) I felt like a fog had lifted and I could think clearly and see the way forward. Small steps, and everyone wanted to help. The first step is GET OUT AND TAKE DD WITH YOU. all the other stuff can wait!! It's only material possessions. You can sort everything out later, when your mind is your own again. Until then, lean on someone you trust. They will NOT Mind!!

Sorry for shouting but it's so important. Just get gone.

Your daughter is 7 years old, she doesn't get to make the decisions as to what goes on in the marriage and its not fair on her to "blame" her for you staying.

I'm sure if she witnesses years of abuse, she will ask you wtf you didn't leave earlier.

A nice bedroom won't make up for witnessing her mother being abused.

Call the police and find out what your options are regarding getting him out of the house. If for any reason you can't get him out, then leave. You have already said that you have somewhere to go.

x

A nice bedroom won't make up for witnessing her mother being abused

Agree. Speaking as someone who grew up in a home like that...please leave, for her sake if not yours. It was really damaging to grow up like that. Please think of your child.

It's worth considering that if you stay that in years to come she may turn her anger on you for not doing something about the situation. She is old enough to sense a shitty/tense atmosphere.