Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Is this odd? Or is it just me?

25 replies

HessianWeave · 10/09/2013 22:49

NC for this. would like other's perspective on this.

Ended my 8 month relationship yesterday evening. This morning I received an email from him that said "I'm not bothered because I saw it coming. I'm honestly not upset".
He didn't say much else but isn't it odd to write an email like that? I hadn't written one to him, it just came out of nowhere.
Is he trying to have a go at me or is he just acting cocky or something?

OP posts:

PipkinsPal · 10/09/2013 22:51

Perhaps he just means no hard feelings.

wilkos · 10/09/2013 22:51

What do you care? You dumped him

Original poster

HessianWeave · 10/09/2013 22:53

I care because I feel as if it's a final 'up yours' from him and if so that will affect whether or not I'm friends with him down the line.
I handled the actual 'it's over' conversation as well as I possibly could. THen 12 hours later he sends that email which was totally unnecessary.
It's definitely made me realise I did the right thing getting rid, but is he a complete twunt or what?

OP posts:

Original poster

HessianWeave · 10/09/2013 22:55

Thanks Pipkins. No hard feelings comes across much better if that's what he was intending.
I told him we had to go NC so I can't even write back and ask him to clarify

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 10/09/2013 23:00

Am not really sure what you expected, tbh, since you dumped him. It's not a super-duper grown up thing to say but would you rather he was crying on your doorstep or stalking you ?

Original poster

HessianWeave · 10/09/2013 23:01

Well that's just it, AF. I wasn't expecting anything. The conversation had taken in place in person at 6pm last night. It was over.
There was no need for it to be rehashed with some email again this morning.
I don't know, I feel as if it's just more PA behaviour from him and I'm glad I've done the right thing. Andno I don't think hed cry or stalk!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 10/09/2013 23:04

Just ignore it then if you think it is calculated to get a reaction. A bit pathetic, innit

runningonwillpower · 10/09/2013 23:04

You dumped him.

He wasn't nasty. What's twunty about that?

I don't see the problem.

Original poster

HessianWeave · 10/09/2013 23:09

AF yes, I think I will ignore it because it wasn't even conversational, I don't think he even expected a response from me, just him having the last word I think.

running, I think it's not so much what he wrote that was twunty, more the fact that he just shoots off a random email after we'd both said we had to go NC as we know for both of us its best for now. Maybe to contact one another in a few months but we agreed NC for now.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 10/09/2013 23:12

Yeah, let the daft bloke have the last word. Who cares ?

UterusUterusGhali · 10/09/2013 23:14

Maybe he was a bit upset?
Wanted the last word god knows I would

Anyhoo. Onward and upward! :)

Original poster

HessianWeave · 10/09/2013 23:17

arf at "last word" Uterus
Yes, onward and upward. I actually do feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me, all 12st of it and ready for a fresh start.

OP posts:

Walkacrossthesand · 10/09/2013 23:18

Next best thing to being the dumper rather than the dumpee, I suspect, is to claim he doesnt care and knew it was on the cards implying that if you hadn't done it, he was going to , nar nee nah nar nar . Onwards and upwards.

FrancescaBell · 11/09/2013 00:38

Having been a dumper much more than a dumpee, when I was young and dating if I'd received this, I'd have probably had the same reaction as you.

With a few more years on the clock though, I'd have been very relieved, even if I suspected it wasn't true.

Used to keep new relationships secret to save hurt feelings a lot.

Best thing to do is take it at face value, don't reply and therefore don't tread on eggshells if you meet someone else and you think he might get to hear about it. After all, he's said he's so over you, hasn't he?

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 11/09/2013 02:03

Yes to the last word, and agree with "so what" attiude.

Perhaps, he is baiting you to respond to nullify your NC boundary. This would prove you can be manipulated and he would continue to play you.

Ignore, and block. That is the only "you are done" that will be understood.

Original poster

HessianWeave · 11/09/2013 08:07

New email received first thing this morning. "Did you mean it?" That's all it said.
Should I block him or should I just engage him with to ask WTF he's playing at?

OP posts:

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 11/09/2013 08:09

I would just send back "Everything that needed to be said was said last night. Please do not contact me again."

After that I would ignore anything else coming from him or block him.

TheOrchardKeeper · 11/09/2013 08:13

BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK.

Every interaction you have is delaying any personal progress & giving him hope.

AnyFucker · 11/09/2013 08:17

Block

Original poster

HessianWeave · 11/09/2013 08:19

Thanks everyone. I think my gut feelings about this yesterday were right.

Is there an app to block texts/calls on iPhone ? I can block his email easily enough but but would prefer not to have to change my mobile number. Although I will if I have to.

OP posts:

SlangKing · 11/09/2013 09:02

If he'd said the contents of e-mail 1 during your dumping convo' it might've been genuine. That it took him 12 hours to think it up and send it is "last word/face saving". If it really didn't bother him, where was the pre-emptive strike? Being the dumper is better for the ego. If the jury was still out, it ain't now that "did you mean it?" has arrived. What,, he knew you were gonna end it but not really mean it? No wonder he wasn't really bothered, the guy's a visionary! Right now it's a tad amusing but it'll be educational for you to see how far he's gonna push it. It's gone from flesh wound to hurt with the potential to escalate to,,, what? They say you don't know somebody till you live with them. Some people you don't know till you dump them. Suggest you DON'T block him and DON'T reply. If it does escalate towards abuse or emotional blackmail, forewarned is forearmed. He can't make a case for provocation if you don't reply.

flipchart · 11/09/2013 09:05

Nothing bad about it.
Maybe he is just trying to save face a bit but it doesn't sound like an @up your's' tbh

themonsteratemyspacebar · 11/09/2013 09:11

To me it can be taken 2 ways, as a 'yeah well, i didn't care anyways' kinda childish deal.
Or he genuinely saw it coming, therefore wasn't shocked and was already prepared for it.
Can't tell you which one as only you know the guy, but whatever your instincts lie towards, is probably the answer!

Lovingfreedom · 11/09/2013 09:13

The guy's feelings and pride are hurt at being dumped...ignore him and he'll get over it.

MissManaged · 11/09/2013 09:16

He pressed a wind up button
And its working.

Step back mentally. See it for what it is (an immature last shot) and realise that having the last word does not equal winning.
It is far more mature and sensible to simply ignore.

And massively more irritating for the person trying to provoke you.

Flip