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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

what does it mean if your husband is looking at gay porn?

90 replies

23possiblymore · 10/09/2013 18:33

just that really

been together 10 years; has never should any indication that he might be gay or bi-sexual. Deletes browsing history and text messages from phone routinely

what would you make of it?

OP posts:
MadeMan · 10/09/2013 19:43

He might just be doing some research for a role in a new production at the local amateur dramatics.

carolmcgiffintowin · 10/09/2013 19:44

i'd say gay/bi-curious. i think women looking at lesbian porn is an entirely different thing to a guy looking at gay porn.

cosydressinggown · 10/09/2013 19:45

Women love gay and lesbian porn. Guys don't watch gay porn unless they are gay or bi or on some kind of dare from their mates. Ever.

cosydressinggown · 10/09/2013 19:45

Some women, that should say.

mcmooncup · 10/09/2013 19:47

He would like to have gay sex

Wellwobbly · 10/09/2013 19:49

This is the bit your friend should concern herself with and be worried about:

The relationship is not good at all. Lack of affection and respect.

Original poster
23possiblymore · 10/09/2013 19:51

yes wobbly that is her focus. But you can imagine this gives a whole new dimension

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 10/09/2013 19:52

I think it's a huge generalisation to say that no straight men ever get turned on by gay porn and no gay men ever get turned on by hetro sexual sex

I'm straight, I've watched lesbian porn, I've had lesbian fantasies, fantasies are by definition quite often something that the person thinking them would never act on, hence them being fantasies

You can't jump straight to the conclusion he's gay/bi, he might be but you can't say 100% he is just because he watched some porn

sooperdooper · 10/09/2013 19:53

cosydressinggown have you asked all men in your research on that opinion? Confused

ItsaTIARA · 10/09/2013 19:56

Bisexuals are capable of monogamy I'm told. However, the dating and the phone thing suggest that this one isn't.

MadameLeBean · 10/09/2013 20:01

Looking at it in itself is not that big if a deal, he may be bi or just likes it in the same way some straight women get off on lesbian porn (although I tend to agree with what other posters have said about him more likely to be bi or gay).

BUT deleting texts??? As well as browser history? He is cheating already. Sorry.

cosydressinggown · 10/09/2013 20:02

Lol find one, sooper - find one totally straight man who gets turned on watching gay porn.

BadSeedsAddict · 10/09/2013 20:06

The deleted texts are a very bad sign IMO.

BadSeedsAddict · 10/09/2013 20:10

Cosydressinggown I wonder how many totally straight men there actually are (as opposed to how many claim to be)?

Madamecastafiore · 10/09/2013 20:10

I have never ever heard of or met a straight man who gets turned on by gay porn, or want to watch any for that matter.

I would say he is gay or bi.

strokey · 10/09/2013 20:15

This reply has been deleted

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Phalenopsis · 10/09/2013 20:20

Me to OH: Have to ever looked at gay porn?

OH: No. Why would I look at gay porn? I'm not gay. Heterosexual men don't look at gay porn. It's not the same thing as straight women looking at lesbian porn y'know.

Phalenopsis · 10/09/2013 20:20

*to should say 'you'.

BadSeedsAddict · 10/09/2013 20:25

OH just made the point that straight men watch porn with men in. I'm not sure how relevant that is though Smile

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 10/09/2013 20:26

Mademan, he might be researching a PhD thesis on the quiet, too.

OP, Advise friend to get STD check asap and do not trust what he says...it is what he does that is the truth of the situation, imho. The present state of the relationship (no respect or affection) indicates the relationship is aready toast. Your friend just doesnt know it yet. Well, she might now. And that is regardless if he is gay/bi/straight.

Miss Marple Grin may have dropped a stitch or two.

BadSeedsAddict · 10/09/2013 20:26

(Sorry, I meant, straight porn has men in)

Original poster
23possiblymore · 10/09/2013 20:30

madman and band I made that comment...is it research for something. Its so unexpected

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/09/2013 20:35

Actually, I am of the opinion that much of strip club attendance/enjoyment of gang bang porn/double penetration/spitroasting scenarios etc are nothing more than thinly-veiled latent homo eroticism on the part of "macho lad's lads"

But there you go, it might be slightly off topic

Or not, as the case may be for this bloke

Rabbiting0n · 10/09/2013 20:51

For my degree I looked at a study which found homophobic men got the most aroused when watching gay porn. (They put a cock ring on the men, got them to watch porn and measured their 'growth.')

I don't think the porn thing automatically makes this man gay. If he is in and has had, relationships with women, surely he is at most, bisexual?

The iffy bit is the dating site and the secrecy. That, teamed with the fact that OP says the relationship isn't good anyway, means this lady needs to have a serious conversation with her DP or else just cut her loses.

Vegeshamwidge · 10/09/2013 20:56

Heterosexual men don't look at gay porn. It's not the same thing as straight women looking at lesbian porn y'know.

Err why is it different?!
Also as a straight woman I'm not interested in lesbian porn. (Or any porn. Porn is awful and exploitative.)