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Original poster

what does it mean if your husband is looking at gay porn?

90 replies

23possiblymore · 10/09/2013 18:33

just that really

been together 10 years; has never should any indication that he might be gay or bi-sexual. Deletes browsing history and text messages from phone routinely

what would you make of it?

OP posts:
watchforthesnail · 10/09/2013 18:35

curious? bored? gay?

hows the rest of your relationship?

carlywurly · 10/09/2013 18:37

Personally I'd find it odd if dp did either of these things.

Was it one page or several? It might have been an accident, or a one off out of curiosity.

Any more, and I'd certainly be asking some questions. Actually, one page and I'd be asking questions.

HavantGuard · 10/09/2013 18:39

That he likes watching men have sex.

sonlypuppyfat · 10/09/2013 18:41

I don't think we will have to get miss marple on this one.

Fragglewump · 10/09/2013 18:42

He is probably gay or bi. Have you discussed porn and your views on it? If my hubby was doing this I would feel I didn't really know him vey well. I would be shocked and concerned. Have you asked him about it?

Original poster
23possiblymore · 10/09/2013 18:42

its tricky, as I am posting on behalf of her friend (with her permission)

We were talking it through,....and had the same thoughts as you have both posted. The relationship is not good at all. Lack of affection and respect.

The page popped up from Safari on I-phone. £ times, over the space of a few months. Checked the 'data' in settings on phone, and numerous pages for different sites, including gay dating sites have been visited. Could they all be pop-ups? Do heterosexual men get bi-curious? (mid 50s) If you are looking at dating sites, does it mean you want to go on dates???

It is all so alien, to both of us?

OP posts:
SubliminalMassaging · 10/09/2013 18:42

I'm with sonly.

ItsaTIARA · 10/09/2013 18:45

Looking at porn is one thing, lots of people fantasise about all sorts of stuff they'd never do in real life (see thousands of MN threads for evidence) but secrecy about his phone and looking at dating sites is a completely different.

vestandknickers · 10/09/2013 18:46

He's gay. Maybe never acted on it. You friend needs to talk to him for both their sakes.

SleepyCatOnTheMat · 10/09/2013 18:46

Straight men don't find gay sex a turn-on.

meditrina · 10/09/2013 18:48

It means he likes looking at videos of gay men having sex.

Yes you can find things in histories that have come from pop ups, but I'd expect only one or two - not "numerous"

SubliminalMassaging · 10/09/2013 18:50

Surely you only fantasise about same gender sexual experiences if you are bi or gay? I have never done it, ever.

defineme · 10/09/2013 18:51

There have been very recent studies testing physical levels of arousement showing straight men do not get turned on by men having sex (lesbians very different), women on the other hand get turned on by anything shagging including gorillas!
He could be bi though?

Teeb · 10/09/2013 18:52

If a woman was watching lesbian porn, would that make her a lesbian too?

miffybun73 · 10/09/2013 18:54

He's gay.

str8tothepoint · 10/09/2013 18:57

he's gay, will definetly deny it when confronted, minimalise everything, in order not to out him. she will believe him, feel sorry for him, but he will still do it on the sly. he's probably been with a few guys already

defineme · 10/09/2013 18:57

No-women who are straight get turned on by everything-have you watched the film 'the kids are alright' when the lesbian couples kids get very upset when they discover they watch male gay porn-very funny!
Men on the other hand don't, gay men show very little arousal watching women have sex with each other too.

Original poster
23possiblymore · 10/09/2013 18:59

i dont know teeb Confused

I dont like porn full-stop, so its really difficult to have an opinion on what watching gay porn means specifically

Some of it was a bit 'other'...a dogging site included, and cross-dressing. But no 'straight' vanilla type sites

OP posts:
Original poster
23possiblymore · 10/09/2013 19:00

what would you say to him????

OP posts:
Original poster
23possiblymore · 10/09/2013 19:03

str8tothe point that worries me...i was thinking about STDs. Friend is confident it wont have gone that far (yet). But, I think that is difficult to judge, seeing as how this has been so unexpected itself

OP posts:
str8tothepoint · 10/09/2013 19:08

she should get tested, hard as it is, but really she needs to talk to him, and let him live his life. am sure he doesn't mean to hurt her but it's probably how he's been all his life. maybe check his phone bill for numbers any at random times/txt messages/pic messages?? different email accounts, skype

HotDogWater · 10/09/2013 19:14

Highly unusual for a straight guy to find gay porn a turn on. Maybe once for the curiosity factor but regular viewing I would say he is gay or bi.

BadSeedsAddict · 10/09/2013 19:27

My OH is bi and it has never really bothered me. If your friend has an iPhone and can get a free app called Grindr, she can sign up anonymously and see gay/bi men who are currently close by. Might be worth a look, it's a pretty popular app and her OH may have it. Think there's another one called Scruff, less popular. Her OH may just be bi-curious. Like another poster said, similar to women enjoying lesbian porn Smile

cosydressinggown · 10/09/2013 19:37

He's gay. And not very clever, apparently.

WiddleAndPuke · 10/09/2013 19:41

Oh for heavens sake. It doesn't necessarily mean he's gay. Loads of women love gay porn and lesbian porn and it doesn't make them gay.