Sex in longterm relationship

[Bustedmonkey]

Possible TMI warning!
I've been married 8 years, found out recently that H has been sex chatting women for 6 of those. He's into ladies in basques, stockings, leather, role playing. Our sex life has been non-existent for about 5 years. Started with him not being able to hold on long enough (at all), me not enjoying sex. Both putting on weight. And then now I have difficulty with penetration. I don't think I ever was attracted to him, in a fancying him kind of way, instead we get on really well.

I'm not into these things, I like sexy lingerie but that's about it. I don't even like BJs. How does sex work in a long term relationship? I've never had a long term sexual relationship before this. I am now not sure if this is a potential problem for me with any partner.

I'm leaving H but need to know its ok and not all men are like this, into this kind of special sex stuff.

It is OK. It does not have to be like this. You sound like you were sexually mismatched from the start. If you find a partner you really click with sexually, then you should be able to share and develop a satisfying long term sex life together, as a couple.

Sorry to hear yoi are going through this. What a tosser.

No, not all men are into this kind of stuff. Just the same as not all women have the same preferences as you do.Personally I find that sometimes tjere can be a little give and take in the bedroom re the other persons likes and dislikes, but only as far as both people are comfortable with.

I hope you find someone you are more matched with. Sorry not of much help at all, but ive been there and know its not nice so didnt want ro leave the post unanswered.

All men are definitely NOT like this. So sorry this happened to you OP. What a fucker. Glad you're leaving him.

You may even find you enjoy oral sex with a partner who is not a cheating asshat....