Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Karma has come around and bitten me

105 replies

karmasgotme · 06/09/2013 14:26

Im posting on here because I am at my lowest of low and I cant turn to anyone in RL. I think I am hoping that someone might care enough to be kind to me today, but I am prepared for a flaming, I know how it works.

I have been having an affair with a married man for 18 months. I thought he loved me, I thought he would leave his wife eventually for me. He told me he loved me every day.

Then I found out he has been seeing someone else as well. I told him I knew and now he has ended things with me.

So now I have nobody at all. He has a wife and a mistress and I have nobody. I took some tablets this morning because I cant see any way out of this despair, but then I got scared and made myself sick. I cant function, I cant eat and I cant sleep, I just want this feeling to go away.

I love him. I gave him everything and he wasnt who I thought he was. I am a horrible person and now I have nobody at all

OP posts:
Lweji · 06/09/2013 14:32

I understand you hurt now. All splits are difficult and you seem to have been emotionally dependent on him.

It's very serious that you tried to take your own life. He doesn't deserve that at all. No man deserves.

I hope you realise that he never loved you, and that you don't need such people in your life.
You are a person that deserves to be loved. First of all by yourself.

Please seek help asap. Call Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 .
See your gp, or go to A&E to deal with your state of mind.

Hugs.

NatashaBee · 06/09/2013 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cailinsalach · 06/09/2013 14:32

My life was destroyed by my husband's affair. So was my children's childhood. I really cannot empathise with you but maybe this will teach you something? I don't mean that nastily. Perhaps you will make wiser choices with your relationships in the future.

Vivacia · 06/09/2013 14:35

This is a horrible thing to go through. Just be prepared to look after yourself until things get better (which they will, with time). Lweji gives good advice re The Samaritan's number.

Biscuitsareme · 06/09/2013 14:35

No advice to offer but didn't want to read and run. I guess his behaviour tells you what he's like. Willing to cheat on his wife and one or more other women. Despicable. There are better people in the world, OP. One day you'll find one. You're better than him!

Please seek RL help if you're feeling like ending things- he is NOT worth it!
Flowers

Mabelface · 06/09/2013 14:36

I think you need to get some medical advice in case you've ingested any of the tablets. Sadly, you're not the only person in the world who's been taken in by a married man.

WafflyVersatile · 06/09/2013 14:39

Please phone the samaritans if you feel this low.

You are in a better position than you were before. You can start to rebuild your life starting today based on the truth instead of getting by on lies.

oldgrandmama · 06/09/2013 14:39

Please call The Samaritans. And things WILL get better ... you're grieving right now, for something that wasn't actually real. You deserve better and you'll find it, but meanwhile, look after yourself, get help to overcome the awful despair. Also get emergency appt. with GP, and find someone to talk things through with, you surely must have family and friends.

MrsPeeWee · 06/09/2013 14:41

Please get help, it is the only step you have left to take.

Fairylea · 06/09/2013 14:42

Try to get angry instead of hurt. He wasn't the person you thought he was, was he? So actually you didn't love him, you loved who you thought he was. Allow yourself to be angry and start to think about how you can protect yourself in the future from falling for the wrong men as you sound extremely depressed and vulnerable - a really bad combination for attracting utter arseholes.

Phone the Samaritans. Go to your gp. Be single for a while and build your self esteem.

You will find someone else, someone better. Someone who is yours. This man was never yours to begin with.

Original poster
karmasgotme · 06/09/2013 14:43

Im sorry for the hurt that I would have caused his wife, thats why I dont want to be here any more, if I feel like this how would she feel?

Ive cut off from everybody in real life because I couldnt tell anyone about him. Now I have nobody at all, im a horrible horrible person, I cant end it because I have 3 children, it was like I forgot about them when I took the tablets but then I remembered and I got scared, but I still dont want to be here

Its such a shock, I thought he was a good man, a good father and I thought it was because we were so special together and it wasnt, I could have been anybody, its like I didnt know him at all I feel such a fool I just want to disappear

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/09/2013 14:44

You now know he didn't love you. I think you don't love yourself very much either. I know it might not feel like it now but he was always a second best choice, you were settling for the promise of something in the future and only a small share of his emotional time and energy.

Did you really know him enough to love him?

Please go and get some real life help - ring the Samaritans if you are still really struggling and go to see your GP.

He was never the man you thought he was.

Original poster
karmasgotme · 06/09/2013 14:45

I dontthink the tablets will have done anything I only took about 10 and they all came back out

OP posts:
NaturalBaby · 06/09/2013 14:45

You've made a mistake but I don't think you need a whole load of strangers being rude and unkind to you - how is that going to help?

Focus on the here and now, he is in the past now and you have a future to think about and plan for - you can and will be a stronger person.

Be kind to yourself. Is there something you can plan to look forward to? Even if it's a cheesy comedy with chocolate and a large glass of wine tonight?

foolonthehill · 06/09/2013 14:46

Now you feel your heart is breaking,

it will take time but you will feel better.

Then you will think that he did you a favour....you will have space to find someone who really will be with you, not just string you along with a set of lies wasting your life believing that you were destined for each other and that he would never cheat on you.

Seriously you will get over this.

I guess you can't get much RL support because of the situation, so use a virtual one and turn your life around.

And promise yourself never ever to go down this path again.

Flicktheswitch · 06/09/2013 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissStrawberry · 06/09/2013 14:47

You are not a horrible person. You just did something horrible for a while.

He isn't worth another minute of your time. Why think about something that doesn't exist?

Read this

Original poster
karmasgotme · 06/09/2013 14:48

Every day when the kids have come home from school this week I have been crying they dont know whats wrong with me and its not fair on them I need to pull myself together I know I am better off without him but I just cant see past the fog

I nearly rang his wife today as well I am scared that I will do that

OP posts:
Original poster
karmasgotme · 06/09/2013 14:51

There s no way that I will ever ever go near a married man ever again, I cant believe that I did in the first place but I really thought it was different, I thought we were special.

I want to be angry with him but at the moment all I feel is loss and love :-(

Thank you for being kind to me I know I dont deserve it :-(

OP posts:
internationallove985 · 06/09/2013 14:52

I'm not going to slate you as your past is none of my business and I'm sure you feel bad enough yourself. You've had an affair it's not a crime okay it's imorale but it's not illegal. Also you're not the first women to have an affair and you most certainly will not be the last.
Just concentrate on being a wonderfully mum to your children. xxx

gamerchick · 06/09/2013 14:52

Be kind to yourself, lick your wounds and give yourself a few days to wallow and grieve.

You will see in time that he did you a favour. This is NOT a good man and when you get a handle of your addiction to him.. you will see that.

Delete All numbers.. block all social networking and delete all digital conversations. See you doctor if you have too and think of your kids. No man is worth killing yourself for.

And stay away from alcohol for the minute.

Original poster
karmasgotme · 06/09/2013 14:53

I cant delete im not ready

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 06/09/2013 14:58

He is the bastard, he took advantage of your vulnerability - you'll get angry in time and you'll see him for what he is. A user.

Your self esteem sounds like its rock bottom and maybe you would benefit from some counselling. A good place to start would be to visit your GP.

There is someone out there for you, you just haven't met him yet - married man = heartache.

Lweji · 06/09/2013 14:58

Ride the emotions.

You don't feel the anger yet, let the tears roll.
Your children need you with them. They are more important than any cheating bastard.
You have their love, unconditional and total.

Do seek help.

internationallove985 · 06/09/2013 15:00

Also O.P. Remember Karma will get him as well, eventually.
Karma is like God, sees everything. xxx