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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Karma has come around and bitten me

105 replies

karmasgotme · 06/09/2013 14:26

Im posting on here because I am at my lowest of low and I cant turn to anyone in RL. I think I am hoping that someone might care enough to be kind to me today, but I am prepared for a flaming, I know how it works.

I have been having an affair with a married man for 18 months. I thought he loved me, I thought he would leave his wife eventually for me. He told me he loved me every day.

Then I found out he has been seeing someone else as well. I told him I knew and now he has ended things with me.

So now I have nobody at all. He has a wife and a mistress and I have nobody. I took some tablets this morning because I cant see any way out of this despair, but then I got scared and made myself sick. I cant function, I cant eat and I cant sleep, I just want this feeling to go away.

I love him. I gave him everything and he wasnt who I thought he was. I am a horrible person and now I have nobody at all

OP posts:

nicename · 12/09/2013 15:50

You need to forget about blokes for the time being. You're not a teenager - your a single mum to 3 kids who, at any age, have their own problems and worries and need their mum. You have to put aside your own feelings and try to focus on them. Make sure they don't make the same mistakes.

Maybe you go for the bastards? The idea of love and falling in love is very different in real life. Its not like the movies. You don't need a man. The kids need a mum though.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It takes 2 to tango. Learn from your mistakes. Be wary, be cautious but try to be happy in your own little family unit.

Original poster

karmasgotme · 12/09/2013 16:18

I dont want him back, its over, end of.

I want to tell his wife for revenge and for her, his true colours have been shown and I think she has a right to know.

I am glad I am out of it, but I dont see why he should get away with it, he gets everything, I get nothing. And he will do it again. I am fully aware that I wont get anything out of it.

OP posts:

nicename · 12/09/2013 16:33

If you tell her, she will feel like crap. He will most likely wheedle out of it and you will end up feeling like the bad guy. The ten seconds of satisfaction won't make up for that, really it won't. I'm sure she suspects anyway. Your hubby can't be seeing two (maybe more) other women and you have no inkling.

Forget him. Don't think about him. Don't even wish him ill (karma will bite him eventually). Focus on yourself and nakibg yourself happy. Noone else can make you happy, not really.

Priceliss · 12/09/2013 16:38

Don't do anything stupid it' not worth it.

I had the worlds WORST break up ever with my fiance 4 months ago - literally when I tell people what happened their jaws drop it was THAT bad. I loved her more than anything. When it happened I had a nervous breakdown I lost 2 stone in a month and everyone told me it would get better and I thought it never will.

I still think about her everyday but 4 months on I have a new girlfriend and honestly it DOES get better. You deserve someone who loves you not to be a piece of the side and you WILL find that. Do NOT give him the power to make you feel this way and honestly PLEASE do not do anything stupid. I was at a point where I almost did too and I'm so glad I didn't.

Thurlow · 12/09/2013 16:46

Telling his wife won't hurt him, it won't hurt the OW - it will just hurt his wife.

Chyochan · 12/09/2013 16:50

Though tbf you could argue not telling her is hurting her as well.

Chyochan · 12/09/2013 16:53

And I think it will cause him pain, maybe not in the way you or I understand it, but it will hurt him. It will do nothing at all for you though OP.

Mama1980 · 12/09/2013 16:59

Karma, you don't have nothing you have EVERYTHING 3 children who love you. And he......well he isn't even worth thinking about. You need to stop, you need to delete numbers the lot, he's not worth it. Of course you feel you can't, it hurts, and yes it does but somethings do hurt and you just have to do them anyway.
You made a mistake, we all do we're human.
What do you enjoy doing? Cinema? Good food? Dancing? Try giving yourself something tiny to focus on, something that will make you smile every week. Baby steps.
I think you should speak to your gp as well, properly and honestly.
Please take good care of yourself x

MissStrawberry · 12/09/2013 17:28

She is not your responsibility and I feel you only want to tell her for revenge. Don't do it. It is not the right thing to do.

Stop focussing on him. If it is over it is over and no need to give him anymore headspace. Use the time for your children.

Original poster

karmasgotme · 12/09/2013 17:47

Ive confided everything to a friend this afternoon.

I feel better for spilling to her but she thinks I should tell too.

I dont feel satisfaction doing it, I just feel my pain and whilst I dont want her to hurt, she is being hurt now and has no idea. If she chooses to stay with him, thats up to her.

This is my doing and I am willing to get slaughtered for it, I dont even care any more.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 12/09/2013 17:59

But you're not doing it for her.. you're doing it for selfish reasons. You didn't give her much thought when you were snagging her husband.. don't kid yourself you're doing her a favour.

Go ahead if you do so wish but be prepared for backlash and at the most a good thumping.. If you don't mind grief at the door in front of the kids then you crack on.

gamerchick · 12/09/2013 17:59

*shagging

Waferthinmint · 12/09/2013 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mama1980 · 12/09/2013 18:16

I'm pleased you've got someone to talk to karma but please just stop. Stop engaging, stop giving any of this head space, cut all contact and move on. Forget about him, his wife, his mistress......and if you cant then distract yourself, read, take your children for a walk, go for a drive, fake indifference until you feel it.
This isn't healthy.

Floggingmolly · 12/09/2013 18:28

She is not being any more hurt by him being with the other woman than when he was with you .

Floggingmolly · 12/09/2013 18:30

Yet you'd be with him now without a second thought if he hadn't dumped you! Leave her be.

MissStrawberry · 12/09/2013 20:21

So really you just want to tell the wife as you are pissed off he has chosen her and it is the only way you can get your revenge on him.

What a really horrible thing to do.

And don't try and say you are doing her a favour. You are doing it because you are annoyed.

TSSDNCOP · 12/09/2013 20:34

Please don't tell his wife because he's left you for someone else.

That would be so cruel.

loopylou6 · 12/09/2013 22:40

Does no body think that his poor wife NEEDS to know? needs to know, for herself, nothing to do with op.

loopylou6 · 12/09/2013 22:42

I feel so sorry, for some poor woman out there, who has no idea she's married to a cheating scum bag

TSSDNCOP · 12/09/2013 22:55

Yes she should know. Of course she bloody should.

But not because a woman who is bitter because her married lover left her decides that's the best way to make herself feel better, and possibly cause enough catastrophic fallout that the cheating, lying cunt falls back into her bed decides its the right thing to do.

Possibly the one person who is the innocent victim here should be accorded some fucking respect.

dandydorset · 12/09/2013 23:12

i would tell the wife

nothing worse than finding out way down the line

yes op may do it for bitter reasons,but if i was the wife id rather know than not and i speak from experience

Monty27 · 13/09/2013 00:07

I know how you feel Karma but, revenge is not always sweet, and that's what it would be, revenge. Be honest.

You've had the flip, the JD, the hangover and all that goes with that. Stop now.

Enter dignity. Hold your head high, you did wrong, don't do anything else that's wrong. The 'new' other woman might do your work for you. Yes, I feel sorry for the wife, but where is it going to get anyone? You're not the first, the second probably isn't the second, let him carry on. Silence speaks volumes.

The more dignity you can muster at this point is better for you, and will make him feel even worse. He must be after all, bricking it. Let him. Don't listen to any of his nice words. Ignore him. Completely.

Lucky escape for you, and it's early days, it will take time. But don't go in the gutter where he is.

internationallove985 · 13/09/2013 00:24

Hi Karma. I hope you're okay, bit telling this wife I guarantee will not make it any better for you. Let's not forget his wife is as innocent as you are, she's done nothing wrong. xxx

internationallove985 · 13/09/2013 00:25

Sorry bit should say but. xx

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