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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DS thinks we're breaking up

2 replies

macsmumsad · 03/09/2013 05:09

DS wouldn't go to sleep tonite. Finally broke down and said scared that DH and I don't love each other anymore and are splitting up.

DH and I married 17 yrs. lots of arguments over money lately. DS aware of financial difficulties.

Marriage is at its worst at moment. Heartbroken b/c I think we're only together b/c of DS at the moment. Heartbroken b/c obviously affecting DS. And that's not what we want.

DH and I roommates at best. Not sure if even friends anymore. Just one of those bad spells iykwim. This will pass, but how to help DS through this rough patch? DS 9 and starting new school due to bullying and bad year 4 and big move year 3. I feel that DS just can't get a break with all the upheaval and tension at home.

OP posts:

Isetan · 03/09/2013 06:28

"I feel that DS just can't get a break with all the upheaval and tension at home." You and your H may be able to live with the tensions in your marriage but your son can't.

"Staying together for the sake of the kids" is an avoidance tactic and transfers the focus/ responsibility of your relationship to DS who can't make decisions on your marriage.

The status quo is the source of your sons anxiety, you and your H need to decide if you want your marriage to continue.

Poor kid, he sounds like he's had a rough couple of years, change isn't the killer, its the uncertainty.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/09/2013 06:52

What Isetan wrote in its entireity.

Your son is right though isn't he.

Think both your H and yourself are trying to avoid the inevitable separation for your own selfish reasons. Your son has seen and heard far more than you perhaps care to realise, small wonder he is badly affected. His home is also supposed to be a sanctuary, not a warzone. How many more times are you prepared to call this poor relationship model to your son a bad spell, a bad patch, this will pass etc.

Surely it is far better to have two parents apart and happier than to be together and miserable (as you are now). Why are you and your H together at all now?. What do you get out of this?. Staying together for your son's sake is clearly not working out and won't either.

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