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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Met a man, are these early red flags or am I over-sensitive?

84 replies

redflags · 29/08/2013 17:40

I met a man recently and we have been talking pretty much everyday for a month and have met up quite a few times now.

There are a few things I don't think I would have picked up on before but since joining mumsnet last year and reading about red flags I wonder if he has some. I've never been in a healthy relationship so my viewpoint is skewed, I could use some opinions from the wise women of MN.

His good points are that he's very driven, outgoing and hard-working. He seems to have everything planned out perfectly for someone my age. Hes funny and we share many of the same interests. He motivates me with my work and offers to help further my career.

Now to the not so good things. He slept round mine last night (only the second time) and decided to go out for the day today. All day he was in a bad mood and very short with me. He perked up a little after lunch but blamed it mostly on being tired and just generally a little moody. Dont get me wrong, everyone has their off days but this is a new, exciting thing!

He takes the piss out of me quite a bit. I'm not overly sensitive and we are playful with each other but he seems to take it too far sometimes when he refers to my looks. Its often disguised as back handed compliments or jokes.

Hes been single for about a year and said he had pretty much given up on women all together as they annoy him. He then pointed out that I'm different because I am more into stereotypical man things and not a girly type.

He expects me to pay for alot of things. He lives about an hour away by car and although I offer to pay for some of his petrol he volunteers that I should pay for lunch or whatever activity were doing.

What do you think? Am I being over-sensitive? I've got pretty low confidence right now anyway because of the last 2 exes.

OP posts:
JoinYourPlayfellows · 30/08/2013 14:28

Silver

"I like military history and cricket which My DH admires enormously."

Oh no, you are my DH's perfect woman Shock :o

mammadiggingdeep · 30/08/2013 15:13

To coin a phrase......ltb!!!

SoleSource · 31/08/2013 04:15

I really do not like him.

xiaozhu · 31/08/2013 07:06

Why does it matter what other people think or whether you are being overly sensitive? Behaviour that one person can put up with/ignore/even like is not necessarily behaviour that another person can tolerate. If YOU don't like his behaviour and have reservations about this relationship already, then act accordingly.

themidwife · 31/08/2013 07:20

Yeah my ex used to "joke" about my appearance - "RTA jaw, Victorian garb, roots need doing, fat gut" etc etc etc. He ended up emotionally, sexually, financially & physically abusing me after we were married & I was pregnant & trapped. Massive red flags.

PeanutPatty · 01/09/2013 14:40

The constant hints about paying for stuff would put me off. Not because I, not generous but because I don't like being told what to do and the gesture of paying because you want to is completely lost.

OP there are so many flags here that you already know that it's time to throw this bloodsucker back out to sea.

comingintomyown · 01/09/2013 14:55

Bit surprised you have to ask

I would go with the Your dumped needle dick text too and forget your stuff unless its a diamond ring or something

appletarts · 01/09/2013 19:51

He's a twat

stargirl04 · 01/09/2013 22:46

Redflags.... someone at work recently said something interesting to me: "If you have to ask the question, then you probably already know the answer....."

Please don't waste any more of your precious time on him.

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