Met a man, are these early red flags or am I over-sensitive?

[redflags]

I met a man recently and we have been talking pretty much everyday for a month and have met up quite a few times now.

There are a few things I don't think I would have picked up on before but since joining mumsnet last year and reading about red flags I wonder if he has some. I've never been in a healthy relationship so my viewpoint is skewed, I could use some opinions from the wise women of MN.

His good points are that he's very driven, outgoing and hard-working. He seems to have everything planned out perfectly for someone my age. Hes funny and we share many of the same interests. He motivates me with my work and offers to help further my career.

Now to the not so good things. He slept round mine last night (only the second time) and decided to go out for the day today. All day he was in a bad mood and very short with me. He perked up a little after lunch but blamed it mostly on being tired and just generally a little moody. Dont get me wrong, everyone has their off days but this is a new, exciting thing!

He takes the piss out of me quite a bit. I'm not overly sensitive and we are playful with each other but he seems to take it too far sometimes when he refers to my looks. Its often disguised as back handed compliments or jokes.

Hes been single for about a year and said he had pretty much given up on women all together as they annoy him. He then pointed out that I'm different because I am more into stereotypical man things and not a girly type.

He expects me to pay for alot of things. He lives about an hour away by car and although I offer to pay for some of his petrol he volunteers that I should pay for lunch or whatever activity were doing.

What do you think? Am I being over-sensitive? I've got pretty low confidence right now anyway because of the last 2 exes.

NEVER ignore red flags or your gut instinct. You are right, right, right.

mamabrownbear I think my face says it all to be honest, and the fact that I'm visibly upset afterwards. I didn't ever expect him to pay for me, I like things to be equal, but he goes on about me buying things for him and lunch ends up more expensive than his petrol.

'but he goes on about me buying things for him and lunch ends up more expensive than his petrol.'

On top of being moody and scathing. These back-handed cut downs and cut downs as jokes are what abusers do to lower your self-esteem.

Stop buying this wanker anything.

Get him out of your life now. Either just stop taking his calls/block/delete or text, 'This isn't working for me. I don't want to see you anymore. Goodbye.'

Just checked FB to make sure my x was still living abroad...you're safe. He was exactly like that when we met, the teasing was him always checking how far he could push me...it ended with his hands around my throat.
Well done for spotting it OP.
Onwards and upwards

Don't sell yourself short - he sounds truly horrible.
Apart from the personal insults, moodiness and being tight etc., sitting in the car in complete silence on your way home, must have made you feel very very uncomfortable - and you've only known this guy for a month!! This should be the honeymoon period. What's he going to be like in 6 months/1 year I wonder, I certainly would'nt wait to find out.
Finish it and don't feel bad or sad there are some good guys out there, you've just got to find them.
Good luck x

Everyone has said what has to be said. Please don't settle for this treatment from this man. He sounds cruel, insensitive and tight with money. Plenty of lovely men out there who will treat you properly and cherish you.

DON'T try and see past the red flags. Life is too short.

Another one here in agreement. Mean and unkind, that's all I'm getting from your description.

You are worth more.

When people show you who they are, believe them! Tight, moody, sulky, cruel and mean-spirited. Women annoy him.

Dump!

I think you already know he is not the person for you and you are just posting here to justify it.

As others have said if he's like this now what's he going to be like after the honeymoon period.

You can do better and you deserve better

Have you binned the fuckwit yet ?

Another one who thinks he's vile. Get rid.

You've an eloquent and lovely turn of phrase AF

I love it.

I will talk to him when I next get a chance. I feel quite upset actually, this is the first guy I've met since becoming a lone parent. I had just started rebuilding my confidence and felt pretty good about myself and now I'm back to square one. In the last 24 hours he's commented on my nose being witchy, my bum being massive, my stretchmarks, my stomach, and some REALLY personal areas he thinks I should improve on :-(

He sounds hard work and mean-spirited - do not touch with a barge pole. It sounds like he's laying the groundwork for an abusive relationship. Pretty soon, the classic 'moods' and 'put-downs' will have you treading on the proverbial eggshells too. He finds women 'annoying', but you're different? Wow. He can't even hide his abusive traits long enough to get through the six-months honeymoon period!

One month into a relationship and his mask is already slipping to that extent? Run. Don't even bother looking back.

Fuzzy, well I am a laydee after all

red, don't bother waiting. He doesn't even deserve being spoken to. He's abusive.

Text at best. 'This doesn't work for me. I don't want to see you again. Do not contact me again.'

What are you going to "talk" to him about, OP ?

Do you think if you just tell him he is a fuckwit, he will stop undermining and de-stabilising you ?

You are a fool if you continue a relationship with him, after coming to this kind of realisation

he deserves nothing more than a "Do one, sunshine, that last personal comment was the final time you try to make yourself look better at my personal expense. Now fuck off"

He sounds crap. I would not go out with him.

What AF said. red, this person is abusive.

After his last list, I wouldn't bother with the talk.

What an utter prick. Kick him to the kerb.

X-post redflags - but I'm aghast at the level of insults you've just described.

This is not even ambiguous - it's downright abusive already. Not red flags - he is already doing it.

If I were you I wouldn't even bother 'talking to him' about it - what can he say that would make his behaviour 'OK?' - nothing. This is not a normal way that any decent guy would talk to someone they respected and cared about. You are worth more than this, believe me.

Just end it.

I'd normally say don't dump by text but I don't think he deserves the courtesy of a conversation!

And another one here saying why would you offer to pay for his petrol? That would never even have occurred to me! probably why I'm single

Tell him to fuck off

You see, I don't think you are back to square one. You're getting better at spotting the wankers- you started this thread after all. Give yourself a pat on the back for sussing him out.

We've just confirmed your views.

Onward and upward!