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Original poster

Thoughts taking over

13 replies

mummytasha11 · 28/08/2013 10:31

Hi everyone

Just wondering how normal it is to still think about an ex every day 6 months after we have split?

We were together 8 years and were due to get married in August and he called it off. Has since wanted to get back to get her but I have always said no because I don't trust him.

Will this feeling ever go away? He is my ds dad as well.

Does this mean I sub consciously want him back? Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytasha11 · 28/08/2013 10:32

To the point i very nearly sent him a link to a song that reminds me of him this morning so posted on here instead...

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytasha11 · 28/08/2013 16:32

Anyone?

OP posts:
TheFallenNinja · 28/08/2013 16:35

Time does tend to tint them spectacles, better to go forward I believe.

onlysettleforbutterflies · 28/08/2013 16:38

Perhaps your feelings are more heightened because you were due to marry this month, I think you did the right thing not to email him about the song, it would give a very confusing message. Why did he cancel the wedding, does he still seem happy with that decision?

hellsbellsmelons · 28/08/2013 16:38

We all deal with these things very differently.
Every day after 6 months, would be quite excessive for me but not for you.
You also have the problem that you have a child together which means contact so you can't even cut him out of your life.
I don't think it means you want him back.
But definitely don't go sending songs to him.

Question is, do you want him back?
Could you build the trust again if you took things slowly?
Why did you split up originally?

Relationships are complex things as are our feelings.
You'll get there!

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 28/08/2013 18:02

We split up excuse he wanted to live a single life then a few months after we split up he said he made a huge mistake and wanted to prove to me that he could change and that he had realised what a massive mistake he had made.

He also did this when I was 7 months pregnant 2 years ago and I took him back and thought everything was fine.

I don't think I do want him back. I just don't think I can bare the thought of him meeting someone else and I mourn the future that we had planned.

I know that I could never trust him and I wouldn't be happy but I still yearn for him

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onlysettleforbutterflies · 28/08/2013 21:17

Its natural mummytasha, its still all relatively recent, especially with him asking for another chance. You have had your heart broken and it takes time to heal but you will heal. Stay strong and focus on your new future, which doesn't involve this man who keeps hurting you.

hellsbellsmelons · 29/08/2013 09:30

He also did this when I was 7 months pregnant 2 years ago and I took him back and thought everything was fine

Wow - so he has form for being a knob!

I don't blame you for not wanting him back then.

You can never trust him again so that's the end.

Mourn for the future had hoped but move on and find that future with someone who wants the same things as you.

Good luck!

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 29/08/2013 14:46

Thank you for replying. Ended up talking to him last night which was a huge mistake...made me feel guilty for going out and letting my hair down since we split and keeps making me feel bad for being with someone else - says there is a cloud over me now!

Ha!

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onlysettleforbutterflies · 29/08/2013 16:14

He sounds like a complete twonk how dare he say that to you. He ended it ffs. I would cut all contact now apartfrom about dc.

hellsbellsmelons · 29/08/2013 16:41

A cloud over YOU!!
Really.
He left you once when you were 7 month pregnant and then called off your wedding a couple of years later.
OMG - I am speechless.
Agree with PP - no contact now except about DC!!
At least you now know for sure that he's a complete knob-head!

Anniegetyourgun · 29/08/2013 17:31

It's ok for him to want to live the single life, but if you try it he's not so happy. Well ain't that a shame?

It's not at all surprising you think about him when you're with the child you and he had together and to be tempted to get back together just because you are both DS's parents. But he's a bolter, you're right you could never rely on him. Next time you really need some support from a partner he'll be off again, and again.

Does he make a good parent, out of curiosity? Does he see DS regularly?

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 29/08/2013 18:43

He works away so he only sees him maybe 2-3 times a month. His job will involve him probably working over seas in the next few years so I'm sure it will fizzle out to almost nothing.
His mother has him/ sees him more than he does!

Luckily she's been really great and has him alot.

I was so upset last night but now I just know it could never work - he will never change!

Hardest thing is though is to think of him being with someone else as it is quite likely he has already moved on..

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