How to ask a friend to stop giving me presents

[SixPackWellies]

I am really at my wits end on this. I have a friend that i see once every two weeks or so. Every time i see her she is giving me things. Last time I saw her, for example, she gave me two books, three magazines, a t-shirt for my youngest, lego, a pack of maltesers and a pot of jam. For Christmas she gave me 4 recipe books, two bottles of wine, a necklace etc. Literally, every time I see her she has bought something for me and usually the children. I keep saying to her to please stop it. Last week i said quite forcefully 'please stop buying me things', literally that blunt, and her husband rolled his eyes and said that he kept telling her to stop to because it is 'not as if you reciprocate'. (Damn right i don't. it would spiral out of control). She just laughed and said 'you can't stop me'.

I really cannot stand it. I buy her a small gift for birthday and Christmas, but that is it, and that's normal right? i have no idea why she keeps doing it and i have said subtly over the past year to stop before i really laid it out last week to stop, and she just ignores me. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really do not want to see her.

I have tried the subtle approach and the blunt approach. i have said to her outright that it makes me feel uncomfortable. But she literally just laughed in my face.

Short of just refusing to see her (which is where i am heading) how can I get her to stop?

[averythinline]

18 months is not a long friendship in the scheme of things.. I would feel very uncomfortable about this as well... not sure I would want that stress so early in a relationship..
personally I would be backing away!..

[AgentJohnson]

Everyone has a role to play in relationships, especially unequal ones. Unfortunately, by not asserting your boundaries (refusing her gifts) you are choosing the role of pushover.

The PA statement of her H says it all really. raise your friend bar and move on.

[Tinyandpetite]

This thread is 7 years old!!

[smums1]

ugh i feel the same way. my sister often buys me gifts and i hate it. i don't really like getting gifts as i don't really need anything, so it's just stuff i have to find a place for in my small home or give away. also my sister's financial situation is very tight and i am very uncomfortable with her spending money that i know she doesn't have on stuff i dont want. i would way rather have a card or go for coffee. makes me so anxious and uncomfortable.

[Sonaftersonafterson]

It's her love language, the way she shows she cares. I do it too, all the time.

I can see why it makes you feel awkward if there is a sense of needing to reciprocate. I expect she would be mortified if she knew how pissed off you actually are about this... be firmer about it, that's the only way. Nice, but firm.

[FlibbertyGibbitt]

@Sonaftersonafterson

It's her love language, the way she shows she cares. I do it too, all the time.

I can see why it makes you feel awkward if there is a sense of needing to reciprocate. I expect she would be mortified if she knew how pissed off you actually are about this... be firmer about it, that's the only way. Nice, but firm.

It’s a zombie thread , 7 years old !