Does anyone else worry all the time that other people don't like them?

[dinosaure]

I know this sounds a bit silly, but I've found myself increasingly paranoid recently that people just don't like me, laugh at me behind my back, find me thick and stupid etc etc etc. I do remember that I used to feel like this at school a lot, then I discovered smoking and drinking which were massive confidencen boosters.

Is it just me? Or does anyone else ever feel like this?

Sometimes but I know who my friends are and anyone else can shove off as far as I'm concerned.

I try to be nice to people and get on with everyone but not everyone is everyone else's cup of tea

As long as you have good fieneds and people who love you around you it does not matter.

i used to feel like this all the time,i suppose i still do.i felt better about myself when i was working,but now that im stuck at home all day (got 2 disabled children,and 3 healthy ones,so going back to work is out of the question!)

i sometimes find myself thinking 'buggerit,if they dont like me,then fine',but then i just get down again and find myself trying to hard to make people like me.

sorry havent got any inspiring words of wisdom!

yes all the time, but who cares! i used to drink alot for confidence too it just made things worse.

you don't come across as thick or stupid - the opposite in fact

oh god yes dino, used to be really bad for this. i've got more comfy with myself as time went on though.

Oh dinosaure

I go through mini phases of this, not to the extent you have described though. I usually realise it's because I'm annoyed with myself rather than other people.

Does something in particular trigger these feelings?

Do you like yourself Dino? It's easy to be critical and self depreciating but I have found that in the past worrying too much about me and what people think of me only makes the matter worse - you start to act oddly and then people think you are trying too hard. It's all one big downward spiral.

The more you think about it the more inward looking you become and then you lose what's important in life.

Take joy in the people around you who make you feel good and stuff everyone else. Also, everyone has a weakness and deep down wants to be liked so remember, next time you feel shit about yourself, you can be sure that there are lots of other people who are also feeling uncomfortable and paranoid but perhaps they are better at hiding it.

chin up

i think miaou is right about it getting better as you get older and wiser!

oh yes, in fact I'm sure that there are a lot of people out there who don't like me. Although unlike you I think that people actually don't even bother to talk about me behind my back because I don't enter their thoughts (lol how pathetic did that just sound).

But I like to think that the few friends I do have are genuine and tbh I'd rather have one or two genuine friends than loads and loads of shallow meaningless ones.

I used to think that all the time and half the time I was right- people didnt like me, but that was because I was so nervous about not being liked that I was coming across as stand-offish and moody. But it was lack of confidence that made it seem that way.

Over the last couple of years I have got more confidence (the Ann summers job helped alot because you have to at least pretend to be confident!) and have stopped feeling so inadequate and it makes me seem friendlier and more approachable.

I guess if you come across as nervous and insecure people are less likely to want to be around you than if you are confident and smily.

I used to feel like this all the time, and occasionally get flashes of it, maybe hormonal? It's grim. If I don't hear from people for say, a couple of weeks, I start to wonder if it's about me, then remember that they've gone on holiday, or hear that they've had a busy time. And of course, I do the same, I am bad at keeping in touch with people. Unanswered emails, that's another one, but I am so bad at answering them myself...

Dinosaur, I'm so surprised that this is you!

FWIW, the only person I know who says he genuinely doesn't care at all what others think of him has probably got some sort of personality disorder.

yes I do. Been feeling it alot recently too. I do try the 'fuck em if they dont like me its there problem' thing but it doesnt work. I'm quite shy too so think lots of people see me as snooty and stuck up. I def felt like that at school too. I dont actually have many close friends prob cos I cant believe that anyone would like me that much.

If anyone comes up with a solution let me know

I do honestly think that you can tie yourself in knots worrying about it - an come across completely weird in the process.

Right - finished feeding the baby now - things that helped me deal with these feelings:

• growing older. sorry - not a quick fix!
• moving to a place where I felt more comfy. I always felt like a square peg in a round hole when I lived in England - I feel I fit in much better here.
• working to my strengths (took me a long time to discover them ) - I found a couple of things I am good at and spend time doing them
• good relationship with dh who is good at boosting my confidence - it really makes a difference! Luck of the draw I suppose - he compliments me and I know it's not out of politeness so it means a lot to me.
• I would say good friends around me, but I haven't actually got any close friends around me here. When I do see them it does give me a boost though. Knowing they like me for who I am is something I feel is very important.

You've got to learn to value yourself for who you are, and it's hard, but keep working at it and it will come

i was shy at school, really shy, people used to think i was too posh to talk to them! ladytamba is right about jobs making you more confident. I have to work with the public and this has definitely made me more confident.

I get like that
three of my closest friends back in the UK do not return my emails and I am beginning ot think I have Tourettes that I don't know about and have said terrible thigns about/to them and this is their way of dropping me

AIn't that the truth about smoking and drinking when you're a teen though

No
The most liberating realisation I have ever had is that noone cares enough about other people to give them more than a passing thought.

God yes, get sick of being the one who initiates the contact and then gets no response - wonder what is wrong with me? But currently thinking 'what the hell - I have family and a select group of friends who love me - so sod everyone else'

moondog - I think you are so right. Why waste the energy on worrying when you can be certain that the other person won't be.

I entertain a fair bit and don't receive quite as many invites back but don't assume I am village pariah.
On the contrary it is because am domestic goddesss and noone else can possibly compete with my dizzying levels of hopitality.

how can that be moondog, when mumsnet is full of other peoples views and comments on teh behaviour and appearance of others...observations of people in car parking spaces...playgrounds etc

i dont think its as simple as that....(i know you grinned )

Yes BOT but that is just idle gossip,a chance for inner bitch to be unleashed!

(Exams over? How were they? Am SALT,thus special interest.)

Good friends often turn up in the most unexpected of places though. You might make a really close friend later on in life, don't disregard the possibility .