I want to die

[maniclady]

I have nc for this. I want to kill myself all I think about is how many pills I have. The reason I want to kill myself is because I have type 1 bipolar and on my last episode started a affair with my best friend. The problem is not only did I fall in love but discovered he has loved me since I was 13.

This affair is continuing and I still love my DH but the thought of choosing between my best friend who I love very much and my DH is making me want to kill myself so I don't have to. I also hate myself for lying to my dh and have stopped my meds as I don't deserve to feel well which means I'm depressed and the voices are back telling me to kill myself.

I hate what I am doing so much, I hate lying to dh and I just want to die

Oh gosh, maniclady - that's complicated! Is your friend receiving appropriate help for his grief and his depression?

He was receiving help but is not anymore the only help he currently has access to is cruise (sp) and Samaritans.He is in a very bad place at the moment.

Perhaps you could persuade him to go to his GP? And maybe go with him for support?

And then I think you should give yourself a break from him, at least until after your holiday. Think of it as a "virtual hospital stay", if you like. You really really need to focus on yourself at the moment, my love.

And maybe having an affair with a married woman isn't actually doing him any good.

In the past, I have been drawn into helping desperate people, and lost sight of my own personal boundaries. I think that's what's happening with you at the moment, maniclady. We are not indispensible - except to our children.

keep going, Maniclady
one step at a time
you'll make it
well done for going to dr :)

I can't leave my friend he has been there for all my episodes now he needs me. I will get him to go to the gp the problem is he doesn't want medication.

Thank you JuliaScurr.