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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

99% convinced dp fancies friend

69 replies

redbull · 16/06/2006 08:50

feel really stupid saying all of this but need to get it off my chest tried asking dp and he just gets really angry.
couple of weeks ago he decribed her to her husband as georgeous,beautifull and wonderfull i got refered to as good

when ever we meet up with them he is sort of flirting with her, ds on teachers traing day today so i get asked arent you meeting up with her, bring her and the kids round here.

just the way he talks about her i cant critisise anything at all if i do im a complete bitch, he talks about her with such respect.

dont know if im being a bit paranoid about it all but i cant help feeling like this im not georgeous but am better than her and feel so the way he is with her ive got more fashion sense in my little toe than her

OP posts:

nothercules · 16/06/2006 08:53

How is your relationship otherwise?

Carmenere · 16/06/2006 09:01

He's winding you up, I'll bet he thinks it's funny.

MissChief · 16/06/2006 09:04

don't mean to be dismissive, but we are all human. Natural to fancy others at times, IMO. As long as he doesn't do anything about it or be too in yr face about it then I'd say this is perfectly harmless though bloody annoying! Try to ignore it and let it blow over otherwise it could just build up.

fairyjay · 16/06/2006 09:20

Take the mickey out of him. Tell him you're meeting his 'crush' for coffee, laugh at him for blushing (even if he's not!) and just tease him. Not nastily btw, but just so that he knows that you do notice how he behaves, but you can be mature and handle it

Original poster

redbull · 16/06/2006 09:22

we have a rocky relationship.

At heart im a very old fashioned person and dont go for the new modern approach as to if hes only looking to me thats terrible it should me me only he thinks like that, before ds i was a size 6 now im a 12/14 i hate the way i look my friend is a 16/18 she dresses years before her time allthough i hate my weight i really try to make an effort with my appearence for him and when she is around i feel like im in the shadows i got no attention of dp he just talks and talks to her.

he says he talks to her so much as he feels soory for her as she has a very un happy marriage.

i just HATE it as i know im better than her but when shes around she gets all of ds attention, he even gives her kids more attention than our ds, i feel as if she knows how much attention he gives her and she plays on it a bit.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH i feel such a BITCH for this

OP posts:

moondog · 16/06/2006 09:24

I would cultivate my own crush (real or imagined)
That will make him sit up.
Be mysterious,constantly rushing off to meet someone or attend a class.
Refer to 'John' a lot then give knowing giggle.
Don't be clingy and insecure.It will drive him further away.

nothercules · 16/06/2006 09:25

I dont know you but it sounds like you are insecure and overly concerned about what you think you look like. There's nothing wrong with being a size 16 you know and that doesnt make you a better person because your slimmer!

Original poster

redbull · 16/06/2006 09:30

my friend looks like a fuller little mo from eastenders before she had all her hair chopped away, she dont wear make up buys all her stuff from marks and spencers

where as i am 5foot long black hair i shop at dorothy perkins,new look, you know fasionable places i wear make up REFUSE to step foot out he door with out any!!

She has been wearing these jesus type of sandal thingys i will wear the fashionable shoes she dont even paint her toe nails

OP posts:

moondog · 16/06/2006 09:32

???

hunkermunker · 16/06/2006 09:32

And she's your friend?! How do you talk about people you don't like?

Original poster

redbull · 16/06/2006 09:32

i just cant understand it....

if he is attracted to her WHY?????
she is not attractive and is the opposite about everything with me

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 16/06/2006 09:33

Um, men don't necessarily care about makeup etc. And wearing makeup doesn't, last time I checked, make you a better person, by any measure.

It may be possible that your DH finds your attitude a bit superficial? Goodness knows, I do.

MissChief · 16/06/2006 09:33

are you attacking her becuase she's an easy target by any chance? Yes, she's bigger, yes, she's less trendy, yes, her marriage is on the rocks etc etc. Underneath is it yr partner you want to get at??
Try not to get eaten up with with her (tbh sounds like you are)..why don't you look at yourself and what would make you happier? If you want to exercise to drop a dress size for instance (not that you need to just that you mentioned this) or arrange dates out with yr partner then get a babysitter..

NotQuiteCockney · 16/06/2006 09:34

And yeah, as more constructive and less [shocked] people on here have said, stop worrying about your "friend", and focus on improving your relationship with your DH.

Original poster

redbull · 16/06/2006 09:36

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=7&threadid=178478&stamp=060531160022\i know im a cow look here}

OP posts:

Needtowhinge · 16/06/2006 09:37

However I would agree with the others that you need to make a joke out of it...tease him with it and show him that you don't care...even if you do. Fanycing is one thing, doing something about it is quite another.

I do sympathise. It must be really hurtful.

And perhaps her refusal to care about fashion and confidence in herself with or without make-up is what makes her attractive?

Needtowhinge · 16/06/2006 09:37

I do sympathise. It must be really hurtful.

And perhaps her refusal to care about fashion and confidence in herself with or without make-up is what makes her attractive?

MissChief · 16/06/2006 09:38

you "know you're a cow" (your words), so does this worry you? Do you think your attitudes's okay? If not, need to something about it, because you think you should!

Needtowhinge · 16/06/2006 09:39

Sorry that was a bit of a pig's ear!!!

However I am shocked by the unpainted toe nails!!!! How dare she?

nothercules · 16/06/2006 09:40

I am also rather shocked at your attitude. Perhaps he is attracted to her because she is all those things you despise.

nothercules · 16/06/2006 09:41

What's worse? no painted toes or where it's growing out? looks down at feet...

Original poster

redbull · 16/06/2006 09:43

god it worries me like hell i suffer from depression and paranoia, i was severley mentaly bullied at school ds is autistic all id all day is race round tidying,cooking,ironing,washing i have to do all the DIY work but yet still i try to make the effort for dp and i soppose just feel its not working, we have just started going out once a month as ds was off school with a brocken leg god shit i hate my life and i hate my self

OP posts:

MissChief · 16/06/2006 09:46

so are you {angry] with him for not helping you enough? Sounds like you might be? can you tell him?

Original poster

redbull · 16/06/2006 09:49

oh yes i have tried and its all failed i sappose i just dont feel attractive anymore i make such an effort and friend doesnt and i think why does she get all his attention??

i really hate my self for all of this

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 16/06/2006 09:49

I think you should focus on talking to your DP, and maybe considering therapy to deal with your stresses, instead of worrying about toenails.

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