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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

99% convinced dp fancies friend

69 replies

redbull · 16/06/2006 08:50

feel really stupid saying all of this but need to get it off my chest tried asking dp and he just gets really angry.
couple of weeks ago he decribed her to her husband as georgeous,beautifull and wonderfull i got refered to as goodShock

when ever we meet up with them he is sort of flirting with her, ds on teachers traing day today so i get asked arent you meeting up with her, bring her and the kids round here.

just the way he talks about her i cant critisise anything at all if i do im a complete bitch, he talks about her with such respect.

dont know if im being a bit paranoid about it all but i cant help feeling like this im not georgeous but am better than her and feel so Envy the way he is with her ive got more fashion sense in my little toe than herBlush

OP posts:
Original poster
redbull · 16/06/2006 10:54

no chance of talking to gp and ds is 5 now so no hv

OP posts:
Original poster
redbull · 16/06/2006 10:57

FFS noddyholder i dont think that and if you read between the lines if anything im feeling inferior to her

OP posts:
Avalon · 16/06/2006 11:06

Great post Tamba.

Completely understand your attitude redbull.

Can you cut down on seeing this friend or do the same as Tamba and not let dp and the friend meet?

coppertop · 16/06/2006 11:16

Redbull - Do you have any NAS support groups in your area? With the SN side of things I find that it can really help to meet people who are in a similar position. Having a child with SN in a mainstream school can be really isolating as the majority of parents there have no idea what you go through from day to day.

Original poster
redbull · 16/06/2006 11:18

im cutting back on seeing her was meant to meet today with the kids as its teachers traingday but said i had to go shopping for fathers day presents.

in a couple of weeks we are all meant do be going out as a 4som to have a meal, dont know what to do about it as if i try to pull out i will then get accused by dp of him being under the thumb and we cant have a social life as im to gone in the head.

OP posts:
Original poster
redbull · 16/06/2006 11:20

ds goes to a SN school coppertop, friends ds is in the same class as him, their are no local support groups but im learning to drive so when i can i will and am prepared to drive to them.

apart from this with dp and her and some of her parenting skills she is a good friend as she knows what its like to have SN children and the problems im having with the school

OP posts:
coppertop · 16/06/2006 11:23

I should've re-checked the "Tell us about yourself" thread. Blush Good for you, learning to drive. :) (I still haven't). Angry at your dp for causing you all this extra stress.

Original poster
redbull · 16/06/2006 11:29

thankyou coppertop i do feel really good at learning to drive as i can escape for the day if i want toGrin like today beautifull day ds off and to get us out the house goung to go shopping have to use the bus but when im driving can take ds to safarri park walk round stratford just get some good clean air in to him and have a picnic of courseGrin

OP posts:
TheMammy · 16/06/2006 11:30

I don't wear make up, I don't paint my toenails, I am a size 16. I have a size 8 sister who wears makeup every day, therefore she must be better looking than me... right? Yeah whatever.

From your last post it sounds to me like he was trying to make her DH see how great she is, I have had mu BIL tell my DH what a great girl I am, how I don't need makeup and that I can make him laugh just by making a face at him acroos a room.. we don't want to rip each others clothes off!!! Perhaps her dh was saying to your dp about how they weren't getting on and so your dp said she was a great (or whatever) girl so he would see that if others could find her attractive then he might buck his ideas up a bit?

If I were your friend I would be a little worried about you thinking you were nicer/better just because you wear a dress size smaller and wear make up.. make up does not make a person.

Has your dp ever had an affair before as it sounds to me like you are paranoid about it. I hope it works out for you all.

misdee · 16/06/2006 11:32

i dont know whether to laugh, cry or get angry at this thread.

after having dd1, i suffered PND, dh got very close to a girl, would give her lifts etc and neglected me. i got very angry and was very hurt. like you i would compare myself to her (i was only 20 at the time, and self confidence was at an all time low), he didnt relaise how much his friendship with this girl was destroying me. he honestly didnt. men need things spelling out sometimes. he doesnt see her at all now.

but now i am later on in my 20's (26 now), and more confident with myself and know dh would never hurt me intentionally, we laugh and joke about his current 'group' of female friends, they text him, and confide in him, rarely see him, as most dont drive, but he is just a friendly bloke who reassures me everyday he loves me (and texts other rude things to me lol).

misdee · 16/06/2006 11:34

btw i was a size 14/16 back when i was 20, am now a size 20/22, dont wear make up, i wear thsoe sandels you mention, but do paint my toenails. i dont make too much effort with my appareence, as tbh i dont have time each morning to check my bra and knickers co-ordinate with my outfit lol.

MissChief · 16/06/2006 13:12

oh god, i'm trying to overcome a feeling of FGS, get a life,MC! Why did i waste any time trying to help a complete stranger who didn't seem to be "listening" ...somehow? Not expecting gratitude or agreement, but at least read replies properly..that'll teach me, should focus more on RL not MN, hell, maybe we all should..
i'm knackered - not slept properly in weeks, got tons on,trying to sort my own life out, ds is ill, just missed ds1's sports day..whatever, what goes round comes round...

Hope it works out for you,anyway RB..
Bah humbug to me.

MissChief · 16/06/2006 13:17

sorry, probably being unfair, Rb. I know you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. I'll steer clear now. Good luck anyway

Tortington · 16/06/2006 13:53

doesn't matter what size you are. skinny people don't always ooze sex - just cos their skinny. some people just ooze sex.

that being said - i think your mistaking the shallowness of appearence with the real issue. your DP is a twat.

Riddo · 16/06/2006 14:14

I know how you feel RB. DH was like that about a friend but made an effort not to be once I explained to him how it made me feel. Sometimes men need things spelling out before they realise the hurt that they are causing.

We all need to rant and bitch sometimes - it dosen't make you a bad person, just a stressed one.

Original poster
redbull · 16/06/2006 14:42

thankyou riddo that was nice Smile

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handlemecarefully · 16/06/2006 14:46

...sorry but lol at she doesn't even paint her nails! Neither do I - better watch dh in case in he runs off with a toe nail painting temptress....

handlemecarefully · 16/06/2006 14:47

But any way back to your op - I think you should tell your dh how this is making you feel. He ought to realise that it is insensitive and hurting your feelings.

noddyholder · 16/06/2006 17:25

Sorry but I read the bit where you did say I am better than her and thought that was a strange thing to say thats all

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