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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my boyfriend loves me - not so keen on my 3yr old

55 replies

KnightMare · 15/08/2013 21:33

this is an issue that wasn't apparent in the early stages of our relationship, I suppose my bf was trying really hard in the beginning, but after 17 months he has made it clear that he couldn't consider us living together while ds2 is little because he would be miserable all the time. I'm sure it never used to be like this but now every time bf stays over ds2 begins to play up and do things to annoy him. bf says my ds1 is fine, ds1 is a similar age to his own ds and they spend all night on their computers. I just don't think my bf wants to go through raising a little boy again, I love my bf and we get on amazingly but this isn't fair on ds2 is it?

I'd really appreciate some words of wisdom from anyone that has been in a similar situation, or anyone with an opinion for that matter.

OP posts:
LegoAcupuncture · 15/08/2013 21:34

Nope, this is no a good thing really. He should be accepting both your children and not just the one who doesn't bother him.

maja00 · 15/08/2013 21:36

No, this isn't going to work. Your duty to towards your little boy first, you can't put him in a position where he has to live with someone who dislikes him.

treesimp · 15/08/2013 21:36

Might sound harsh but move on and find someone who loves you all, you are a package!

NothingsLeft · 15/08/2013 21:36

No definitely not. Poor little thing, hope he's not picking up on it. Doesn't sound like a keeper tbh, sorry.

expatinscotland · 15/08/2013 21:37

You know what you need to do. This person is an adult. Your little boy is not. He is playing up because he knows your bf doesn't like him.

You need to end this and find someone who is more suited to you.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 15/08/2013 21:38

I'm afraid it would be game over for me if I was looking for more than a bit of fun out of it.

Wuxiapian · 15/08/2013 21:39

You and your boys deserve better.

Chubfuddler · 15/08/2013 21:39

This either stays as a casual relationship so it doesn't impact on your children at all, or you end it. I can't believe it's even a dilemma in your head - some randomer you've known for barely a year doesn't like your child, and this gives you pause to think? Surely you know the answer.

TurnipCake · 15/08/2013 21:40

The protective lioness would be rising in me and I'd call it a day. You're a package, and I wouldn't be surprised if your little boy is playing up when your boyfriend stays over because he senses something's not right and is reacting to it.

nkf · 15/08/2013 21:41

Not a good situation. Dump him. Find someone else.

CissyMeldrum · 15/08/2013 21:42

Sounds like your 3 year old is feeling pushed out and as a result is playing up .Your ds is probably feeling sad and notices that your BF prefers your eldest. As long as your BF feels like he does it is not really a proper relationship because you and your ds's come as a package deal.
Your BF is being cruel and selfish because honestly what can you do ,your son is not going anywhere,but it might be better if your BF did.

Spottypurse · 15/08/2013 21:44

That woud be a deal breaker for me. Sorry.

ZenNudist · 15/08/2013 21:45

Get rid,sounds like a selfish prick, your ds comes first & sounds like bf doesn't love or respect you enough to support you raising him.

You will feel empowered if you ditch him & turn your back. Don't let him weasel his way out of your life feeling like he had a lucky escape. Let him realise to late what a mistake he made & what he lost. Good luck.

MissStrawberry · 15/08/2013 21:46

Your son probably plays up because he knows your boy friend doesn't like him Sad.

lunar1 · 15/08/2013 21:50

Don't put your son through this, get rid of the bf

Original poster
KnightMare · 15/08/2013 21:50

thank you for the replies, I completely agree, I can sometimes struggle to see things how they are when my feelings are involved so I've been a little slow to accept that this is what is happening. having other mums looking at the situation purely from the being a mum point of view is what I needed to hear. That's it, bf going.

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 15/08/2013 21:53

It's difficult when your feelings are tied in and this chap has probably made it all out to be your problem rather than his. Good on you for deciding to call it a day :)

omri · 15/08/2013 21:53

OP I hope you are taking heed of the unanimous advice- if I was in your situation I wouldn't have to think twice. Your baby boy has to be your priority. I'd be happy to say goodbye to a bf in this scenario and breathe a sigh of relief to see someone leave who didn't appreciate my youngest ds!

AnyFucker · 15/08/2013 21:54

well done

get rid of the useless boyfriend

your son should be your priority

if he isn't and you favour a grown man over him, there is something very wrong indeed

omri · 15/08/2013 21:55

X post- good luck op. hope you have support in RL. But we're here if you need us too! Smile

exoticfruits · 15/08/2013 22:01

Well done! The only answer.

MikeOxard · 15/08/2013 22:06

Erm, Daniel Pelka's mum has experience of this, and baby P's mum similar. This situation of bringing a man into a little boy's life who already has a problem with him just fills me with dread and horror. I wouldn't even think about it. :( Please find someone who will love ALL of you. x

Original poster
KnightMare · 15/08/2013 22:09

thanks all
I will reread this thread over and over when I have finished with him and feel like an emotional wreck.

OP posts:
Ezio · 15/08/2013 22:10

Well done OP.

My rule is, love me, love my kids, my DD aint perfect but i love her and shes my pride and joy, she always comes first.

Your little boy is probably a bit jealous and hurt, knowing he isnt liked, kids show off.

Jux · 15/08/2013 22:40

Forget the bf. He's not right for your family.

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