I hope you don't mind if I am brutally frank, but I don't think you are any way near ready to be trying to rebuild your relationship with your DH. He deserves so much more than a wife who is emotionally elsewhere, doesn't fancy him, and who is going through the motions for what reason? To keep the status quo? Because OM didn't live up to her expectations? Because that is how it is coming across.
If you want to know how your DH is feeling about this, I will tell you. It is a hell of a lot more than hurt. It will be the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up, and the last before he falls asleep. Every hour of every day some little thing will remind him. Every time he looks at you he will remember how much he loved you, how he pledged his life to you, how you are the mother of his children, but inside he will still feel dead. Because that is what affairs do... they kill the spark that makes a relationship special, makes you the one rather that just A.N.Other girlfriend.
If you want your relationship to have a future you have to get some of that back. You'll never get the whole package... that is gone forever. He'll always hold a little part of himself in reserve, but there is hope if the running comes from you.
My suggestion is go away and work on yourself. Let go of whatever it is about OM you are in thrall to. If you can't do that, walk away now and leave your DH alone to rebuild his life with someone who does love him, completely. If you can, show him. Do everything you possibly can to make things right for him. Talk to him, answer all his questions, let him grieve, and be there for him when he has doubts and bad days. Accept that you need to change, you are the problem, and he needs time. I am a year on, my DH has been to the ends of the earth and back to show me he is sorry, and committed to me, but despite the fact our marriage is the best it has ever been and I am happy, I still have bad days.