Whats the script for a cheater who has been caught

[Mum2toomany]

I can not recall it, but keep seeing it mentioned

Er, denial, minimising, lying, anger, blaming partner - any of this sound familiar?

Add deleting in as well!

Deny, delete, minimise.
They will....

Deny it ever happened.
Delete any texts or emails.
Minimise what happened such as,
"No I haven't met anyone" to
"We only chatted online" then becomes
"We only met once"
Becomes
"We only kissed"
Becomes
"We only had sex once"
Or my favourite "we met once but I couldn't get it up" really...? Oh well, that's alright then!

When you confront the other person they don't feel safe as you have discovered their secret, so they will either withdraw and not say anything, or become angry.

Very often they will turn it around to be your fault as you were too busy / tired after dealing with babies and toddlers all day and didn't give them enough attention sex

I often wonder what the response would be if we said " oh sorry darling, you were so busy working hard to keep us financially secure you were too tired to attend to my needs, so I shagged the plumber as he was pretty fit and up for it..."

Very often our instinct tells us something is amiss. IME your gut is usually right. If you're gut is telling you something's not quite right then you need to dig for evidence because if you just confront they will delete everything making you feel paranoid. You get this feeling because the other person has emotionally checked out of the relationship.

Hope you're ok OP

She's a really good mate and she's having a really hard time and her husband is really really nasty and all yer man was doing was offering her a huge fat penis to cry on.

You have changed recently and are not the person he fell in love with.

They haven't actually had sex.

You have snooped and found things out and are therefore hiding a guilty secret yourself. (the boomerang reaction...)

Not me best friend.
But threads needs to be deleted as he does not know i know which is an advantage right now

My personal favourite: ' I like you but I'm not in love with you'

Or

'We're just friends'

If I could go back in time to the day I found out, I would say go away and get your story straight, you have one shot at the truth and if any lie is discovered after that point It will be over completely ... And then bloody stick to it.
It's like a child you have to follow through otherwise the situation gets worse and worse and worse.

It was just once. It's only been going on for a month.... two months .... three months .... It was just sex, it meant nothing. We haven't had sex for ages and I just couldn't help myself. You have been ignoring my feelings. I never meant for anything to happen (despite planning it for weeks).

The absolute favourite trick is to blame the person being cheated on.

When I found ex on dating sites and various other things it was...

First denial, then saying I was snooping/must be up to something myself. Then it was only talking/he was never going to do anything. then it was all my fault for being horrible.

Another thing, as I stayed with him after this, I wasn't allowed to mention it again because it was in the past/we were moving on.

100% what distrusting has said.

My ex had a number of women friends or colleagues over the years who were always very off with me . . . wouldn't meet my eye, oddly unfriendly, strange and upsetting when he had spoken about them so warmly and I wanted to get to know them as they were his chums.

I often thought that perhaps they just didn't like me, but sometimes it was someone who had never even spoken to me, so how could they dislike me without having the opportunity to acquaint themselves with all my shortcomings?

When I asked EX about them, he came up with the same story, that maybe [he looked embarrassed], just maybe, they had a bit of a thing for him . . . he had been somewhere with them and they had made a massive pass at him but he had "made his excuses and left."

He told me this about two or three different women. And I believed him! What a fool I was!

He also admitted to another one whom he had "had a crush on but nothing had happened." Yeah right.

Deny, rewrite history, blame-shift.

Oh yes, I forgot the 'she's such a poor little victim, she needs me to help save her from x, y or z'

those photos were in my received files as I downloaded them by accident.

Oh no, I meant they were already on my second hand iphone when I bought it, and I didnt notice.

In fact, I admit that a blokes on a games website sent them to me. Why? They were of their girlfriends, and they were boasting, I suppose.

Er.. women sent them to me but only to be friendly.

Oh for fucks sake, yes, I have been sexting for five years, and that's why I am never out of the office.

Just get rid, end of, full stop

Read up on the cheaters script op so you know how you might expect him to behave: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1825902-Whats-the-script-for-a-cheater-who-has-been-caught

Amazing how the same script is used globally by scumbags male or female.

My own STBXW:

1. You never paid enough affection

1. He’s just a friend

1. It was a one off mistake followed by:

1. The marriage was already dead

1. I’m not leaving you for him

1. It’s all your fault

1. It wasn’t satisfying