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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's 29, I'm older: do I need to deforest the lady garden?

69 replies

Shyer · 12/08/2013 19:56

Namechanged due to several types of cringe in this post.

I havent had sex for years and I am mortified that I won't know what to do.

As a first step, do I have to go bald? Or can I get away with a neat trim.

MNetters, please tell me I won't have forgotten how to do a blowjob either. Any hints more than gratefully received.

OP posts:
Tortington · 12/08/2013 19:58

i read that as defrost Grin

i think its good manners no matter what the age

no one wants to get their fingernails snagged on pubes

Geordieminx · 12/08/2013 20:00

Yy to a tidy up as a minimum.

Chances are you won't have forgotten bj skills.. Although you could always practice... On a banana or something? ((Helpful)))

Or just watch some videos... Wink

Nellelephant · 12/08/2013 20:00

I'm 27 and just trim. Neat and tidy, I'm no porn star wannabe! DH has never requested anything else.

VileWoman · 12/08/2013 20:05

Of course you don't have to go bald, unless YOU want to. Who has even snagged a fingernail on pubes? Surely one of the great pleasures of life is running your fingers through your pubes?

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 20:18

Indeed it is. It's awful that women feel they "have" to get rid of their hair. Hair is lovely. The worst thing is, the whole bare look is becoming popular with men. The last three men I have been naked with had shaved pubes. YUK.

Original poster
Shyer · 12/08/2013 20:19

I am leaning toward a trim - not sure the results of a razor virgin's first go would create the erotic charge I am looking for.

Am madly googling blowjob, will my pc be the same ever again?

OP posts:
niceupthedance · 12/08/2013 20:20

You won't have forgotten. I did three years celibate and although I was nervous it was all good (did have a spray tan beforehand though, to help disguise wobbly bits).

Have fun Smile

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 20:21

Oh you'll be fine. Penises don't really alter that much. Just mind your teeth.

mrspaddy · 12/08/2013 20:22

oh holy smokes ... the men are now pube free too... ughhhhhh. I like them hairy... ah ha ha ha ....

I just do a bit of a Veet tidy up job myself. What would be wrong with that?

ouryve · 12/08/2013 20:23

By all means tidy up, but don't feel pressured to take off more than you're personally comfortable with.

And you don't forget. It's a bit like riding a bike.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 12/08/2013 20:23

If a man is put off by pubes he will be a useless fuck. Any man whose ardour can be cooled by pubic hair is not worth bothering with. Stay as you are, if he whinges bin him and you've had a lucky escape.

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 20:23

I like them hairy too (sad face).

Oh, my brother told me Veet stings. I don't know why he would tell me that. But once he told me I could never unknow it...

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 20:24

Absolutely, Karlos!

ShatnersBassoon · 12/08/2013 20:25

Do you think he's wondering if he ought to grow a beard because you're older than him?

Do whatever makes you happy. He won't care a bit how you're coiffed.

fieldfare · 12/08/2013 20:26

Just have a little tidy up around the edges and underneath and you'll be grand.
You'll not have forgotten once you get into the swing of things! Have fun Grin

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 20:26

I've never had anyone complain about my downstairs arrangements but I do tell them in advance in case they were expecting a Barbie.

ShatnersBassoon · 12/08/2013 20:29

Loving the pubes warning! "I really should warn you, things are pretty wild down there. Brace yerself, lad..."

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 20:31

"You may need an afro comb. And a rope."

Mintyy · 12/08/2013 20:32

Shyer - you're not being naughty and asking Mumsnetters to give you "tips" on performing blow jobs are you?

Cos that would seem a bit suspicious, wouldn't you say? You know, encouraging random women to describe their skills in the old bj department on an internet forum for your pleasure education?

DavidHarewoodsFloozy · 12/08/2013 20:34

No way! Man who can,t wrangle the Muff and no man at all.
As my Aunt used to say "Where there's hair, there's comfort, where there's none, there's an arguement.

You be your natural, beautiful self, these whipoersnappers wanna think they selves lucky they even getting in erection distance of a retro-muff!.

(Have a good time, remember it's all about youGrin)

#standupfordemuff

ShatnersBassoon · 12/08/2013 20:36

Mintyy, fret not. I'm killing any ardour with pubic hair cheerleading.

Original poster
Shyer · 12/08/2013 20:36

No I am not an elderly male perv in a bedsit thanks, I am a ladee in my prime who is actually a regular. I name changed due to celibacy shame and pube shame.

I am desperate for tips tho'.

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 12/08/2013 20:38

DavidH, what the dickens? When could that saying be utilised in inter-generational chat? Confused

Original poster
Shyer · 12/08/2013 20:38

Oh dear being in your 40s is hard - even my body parts are retro now.

OP posts:
Weelady77 · 12/08/2013 20:40

Whatever you feel comfy with,

I get a hollywood but that's my choice each to there own

P.s just relax and enjoy :-)