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Original poster

He's 29, I'm older: do I need to deforest the lady garden?

69 replies

Shyer · 12/08/2013 19:56

Namechanged due to several types of cringe in this post.

I havent had sex for years and I am mortified that I won't know what to do.

As a first step, do I have to go bald? Or can I get away with a neat trim.

MNetters, please tell me I won't have forgotten how to do a blowjob either. Any hints more than gratefully received.

OP posts:
LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 20:41

What the youngsters don't seem to realise is that it's merely a fashion, this hairlessness. I'm sure some people have always done it but it's going to extremes now. You really don't want to come across spiky nads. They're like kiwi fruits.

I went to an exhibition in Berlin just a few years ago - google Helmut Newton nudes and you'll see some of the photos. These were all models from not very long ago - maybe 10, 20 years - and they all have some sort of muff-fluff. It was considered perfectly normal and sexy. Being without hair was the oddity.

I'm hoping it will swing back soon. If only it wasn't Gwyneth Paltrow who works the seventies minge look - cos everyone hates her and won't be influenced by it.

YoungBritishPissArtist · 12/08/2013 20:41

Don't remove your pubes just because he's younger! He should feel lucky to get with you Grin

As for BJs, saliva and enthusiasm Wink

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 20:44

My BJ tip is ducking.

DavidHarewoodsFloozy · 12/08/2013 20:45

Shatners Grin she used to say it about predators very young women with much older men. I got some very badly behaved Uncles, but thats a whole other thread.

Chubfuddler · 12/08/2013 20:52

Gwyneth has a retro muff? We know this how please?

I cannot bring myself to google "Gwyneth 70s bush"

motherinferior · 12/08/2013 21:05

Can I say that I entertained a wide selection of gentlemen (and the occasional lady) callers in my time and none of them ever snagged a fingernail on my untamed undergrowth.

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 21:08

Me too, motherinferior. Incidentally, I've only "met" one lady with a proper bush. Others were shaved, trimmed and generally messed about. Trimmed hair is SHARP against your face.

RinseAndRepeat · 12/08/2013 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherinferior · 12/08/2013 21:10

So do yer Young People take the lot off then? As standard? Not even a bit of a frill?

peteypiranha · 12/08/2013 21:13

Im 29 and definitely do not take all mine off. Couldnt think of anything I would rather not do.

Chubfuddler · 12/08/2013 21:14

I can't hate gwynie. I love her. Can'te is help it.

However like David tenant I have this stupid mental blank and become convinced that when she speaks in her real accent, she is putting on a silly fake accent. Her English voice sounds more her somehow.

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 21:15

I think a lot of them do. My daughter does and she's 26.

Chubfuddler · 12/08/2013 21:16

I'm 34 and apart from a minor trim around the edges (it's very retro) when I'm likely to encounter swimwear I have never removed it.

I was married for a long time though - I haven't been "out there" as it were since I was 19. The idea terrifies me tbh

Original poster
Shyer · 12/08/2013 21:16

I am determined to keep my pubes. They're one of the few places I don't have body issues, for a start, and as someone who has to epilate their toes, I just don't want the extra work.

I don't want to feel like Chewbacca on my hot date tho'. A quick go with the kitchen scissors would suffice, dyou think?

OP posts:
dirtyface · 12/08/2013 21:21

If only it wasn't Gwyneth Paltrow who works the seventies minge look

DOES she ?? Shock

chocolatespiders · 12/08/2013 21:23

I thought it said 'defrost'
You will be fine its like riding a bike Smile

chocolatespiders · 12/08/2013 21:24

Lois- whats ducking?

internationallove985 · 12/08/2013 21:33

Good luck to you How are you feeling a bit apprehensive I don't doubt. I don't want to sound patronising but make sure you're fully aroused before penetration as it may be a bit painful if you've not had intercourse for while, but then you're probably already fully aware of then. I hope it goes well for you. Also you don't have to feel ashamed having been celibate. People can be celibate for a number of reasons and it's certainly not for anyone to judge.
I always make sure my lad garden is neat and tidy making love but I don't think there's any rules.

As regards to blow jobs well every man likes different technicques just ask him to tell you what he likes and don't forget to tell him what you like. I know my partner (well he's more of a F.W.B than a partner) loves me to lick his balls. and he often likes to ejaculate on my face. Sorry if that was T.M.I. xx

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 21:49

Ducking is when you get out the way quickly. Actually it's more a thing for hand jobs.

And if someone wants to come in your face, do have wet wipes handy. Also avoid the eyes - it stings like buggery apparently.

internationallove985 · 12/08/2013 21:57

Oh Yeah I forgot to mention wet wipes. xx

LoisPuddingLane · 12/08/2013 22:55

Wet wipes are essential. He might say can I come on your tits, but it goes everywhere. In your armpits, in your hair.

WET WIPES.

liquidstate · 12/08/2013 23:42

I met my DH when he was 28 and I was 35 so not as big an age gap but still a definite age difference, plus I had had no action for a few years. I only ever do a neat trim and he has never complained! (Although I now pluck the odd grey one out Blush

And you can never forget how to give a blow job! Just take it slowly and gauge his reactions.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway · 13/08/2013 00:29

International. That was way tmi.