Thread to swap uplifting stories of life after divorce/separation to give people struggling lots of hope for the future

[Ledkr]

So have been on one if the many threads where a poster has been treated appallingly by her husband and is feeling very sad and worried for hers and her children's future.
Being 10 yrs down the line I posted about how much my life improved after my ex shafted me and his chikdren.
A few posters thought it would be a lovely idea to swap similar stories.
So come on, it will be cathartic and helpful to others.

Yes this thread is brilliant because at the time it is hard just to see a way forward. I had 2 years of suspicions of my x cheating then 2 years of living together through the divorce so 4 years of absolute hell. The affair was only confirmed when OW approached me in shop and called ME a gold digger! I hadn't worked since dc1 was born and dc 2 was 4 at the time and with me when she came over.
I started divorce, but x would not move out, he tried to turn dc against me, used house like a hotel, would get his family to ring landline and berate me, OW even turned up at house one day while 'he took dc to park'. Banged on door, screaming 'come out u bitch'. If only I'd been on Mumsnet then!
Anyway bought house, got job, dc and I have had nothing but happiness and stability since. Oh and he rang me begging to get back with me 6 months after! And has done every so often for the past 6 years. NEVER! He is now cheating on OW so karma!
I was honestly suicidal at the time (no parents for support) but things not only get better but you have your life back.

Thank you for bumping this thread...talk about good timing. Having separated from H two weeks ago, last week would have seen our 12th wedding anniversary. Even though it was instigated by me and I know, very much, it was the right thing to do for the happiness and well being of both me and DD (10), my feelings are very raw and the future somewhat uncertain and, at times, seemingly frightening.
It is really reassuring and affirming to read these posts .

Hang in there secondstar - things WILL get better.

Thank you for bumping this thread, it has been an inspiring read.

I left my emotionally and financially abusive exH four years ago. He controlled everything from who I saw (eventually I had no contact with friends or family) to dictating what foods I could buy and what music I could listen to even when he wasn't there with me. At one point I wasn't allowed to wear make up or jewellery and was only allowed to wash my hair once a week (this was in the days before dry shampoo etc). I was working 60 hours a week but not allowed access to my own money and wearing charity shop clothes and hand-me-downs from his mother. In the meantime he worked 2-3 days a week and regularly went out drinking and clubbing with his mates.

Food became my "friend" and I binged and comfort ate a lot throughout the years. Because my exH wasn't physically violent or an alcoholic all these abusive behaviours had been normalised in my world and I mistakenly thought I was miserable mainly because I was overweight. It was only when I finally lost the weight after years of failed attempts that the rest of my life was laid bare in front of me and I was left thinking "what now?". I finally realised (with counselling that he tried to stop) that I was unhappy because I was living a life treading on eggshells and filled with emotional and financial restrictions which were solely due to my ExH's actions. It took me six months to leave after I got to such a low point that I stopped caring what might happen to me after I left, anything had to be better than this.

Since leaving, despite regaining weight my life has improved in ways I could only dream about. I went out more in six months than I'd done during the previous 17 years. Reconnected with old family and friends. Rented a room in a beautiful house in the countryside and went on a fantastic holiday with the landlord and his family only three weeks after moving in. Then towards the end of my first year of freedom and discovery I unexpectedly met a wonderful man who is now my DH. He's kind, respectful, fun, affectionate and loves me just the way I am.

Life is good

I was with exdp for near 10 years. We fell in love very deeply, but dc came along quickly. We had to find a way to live together. As time went by, our lack of common interests, and incompatible expectations of life made our relationship difficult. We loved each other, but he didn't like me, and my self esteem plummeted. I had a voice in my head saying 'I hate myself' most of the time. I asked him again and again 'do you like me?' He said yes, but I kept asking, because I never felt his approval.

I don't know where the certainty came from that I had to move out, but I made it. There were a few months when I found it so hard to accept that it was over. I felt so bad about our failed relationship. Ashamed, inadequate, guilty.

Bullshit to those feelings! I finally broke free from that relationship, and enjoyed having a social life. Like many pp, I met friends for drinks, and said yes to any social invitation I could make. I was skint, wrong side of 35, and coping with the lions share of the care of 2 dc, but i was enjoying a social life without having to justify what I was doing.

In NOT looking for a relationship, but a social life, I soon met a wonderful man. We were made for ech other, and make each other so happy. I wasn't single long, but I enjoyed my single time, and now I am happily in love with someone who LIKES me! The kids are happy too, and although I am still skint life is good.

My low point was being woken at midnight so he could shout at me for not cleaning dog shit off his car mats. He'd put them in the shed that morning for me to clean while he was in work, but I didn't know they were there. I went out and cleaned them in my nightie, crying, while he went to bed.

That story is indicative of the last few years of what had been a long and happy marriage, of course there was an ow.

I found the balls to kick him out 18 months ago, and he went. He is sad, regretful and wants to come home. He's nice to me now.

I work full time, love my job, and have some good friends. I'm proud that I showed my kids how to behave when someone treats you badly. I'm mostly happy but can't consider dating, I feel traumatised. But then get sad at the thought of being alone forever.

Thank you for the thread, some lovely stories.